


Without Warning

by LizaCameron



Series: Without Warning Series [2]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-06
Updated: 2004-08-06
Packaged: 2019-05-30 13:32:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 47,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15097688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizaCameron/pseuds/LizaCameron
Summary: The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel toTired.





	1. Without Warning

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired.  
**Author's Note:** I would call this a Sliding Doors-esq version of events. If Donna had stayed and talked to Josh after No Exit instead of leaving, then perhaps this is how things would have unfolded. A lot of work and credit for this story goes to Kim, who not only poured through an endless morass of bad grammar, punctuation and spelling, but also tremendously improved the story as she provided stellar beta services. 

Not much had changed. It had been a week since they'd had the early morning talk in Donna's living room, but since they had no real outlet for the things they'd admitted or almost admitted, it was as if they'd both tacitly agreed to ignore it for the time being. Sometimes she caught him staring at her with a funny expression on his face. She would hold his gaze and smile, neither one willing to break the eye contact... as if they shared a secret, but were afraid to talk about it, even to each other. 

Sitting at her desk, Donna went through her mental to-do checklist one more time. The delegation was leaving in just a few hours for the Middle East and she'd been working non-stop prepping for it. Between working ahead for Josh, clearing her own desk, getting a temp up to speed and preparing for the Codel, Donna was worn out before she'd even left. 

Donna felt someone standing over her desk. She glanced up, "Oh, hey, CJ." Donna didn't show it, but she felt a nervous twinge at the other woman's presence. With her crazy schedule the past week, they hadn't really had time, since their discussion the night of the lock down, for more than a quick hello in the halls. Of course, she hadn't exactly sought CJ out, and she was pretty sure CJ hadn't come looking for her, either. 

"Hi, Donna," CJ fidgeted in front of her, looking as uncomfortable as Donna felt. 

"What's up?" Donna smiled; the anger she'd felt at CJ had all but dissipated by now. Whether CJ had been right or wrong-- and Donna certainly hoped CJ had been wrong when she'd essentially advised her to forget Josh-- their conversation had been a catalyst for Donna to do some much needed soul searching. 

"So you're all ready for your trip?" 

"All set, we leave..." She glanced down at her watch, "...shortly." 

CJ took a deep breath, "So Josh and Toby have talked to you? I guess I was a little off the mark. They really do want you to report back to them." 

Donna nodded and stood to face her. "They've talked to me." CJ glanced around and Donna noticed her discomfort. "CJ, it's fine. You were honest with me and it forced me to be honest with myself." 

"It's just that, I think I may have been a little harsh and-" 

"Yes," Donna interrupted with a nod. "You were harsh, but I owe you." She glanced over at Josh's closed door before continuing, "Because you were right about one thing. I was making decisions based on staying with him and I do want more than that. I want more from my career and I want more from him... but, you know, I also realized that I'm not ashamed to have stayed in this job. It's been amazing and some things are more important to me than upward mobility." 

CJ had followed her gaze to Josh's office and now looked back to Donna. "Ohhhhhh." She eyed Donna curiously. "So, are you two... because I said what I said, are you now..." 

Donna shook her head, "No, not yet... maybe, but don't get all cocky and quit your day job to start counseling the lovelorn or anything. Most people aren't as tough as I am, they can't handle the harsh." 

CJ allowed a small laugh, "Right." The phone rang just then. "Okay, I'll let you get that. Have a good trip." 

"Thanks." Donna smiled warmly and added, "CJ, if you ever want to talk, I'm here." CJ looked back at her with a peculiar expression, but Donna had already turned away to pick up the phone. 

"Josh Lyman." 

"Josh Lyman speaking." 

Donna whipped around to look at his door. "Where are you? I thought you were in there." 

"In where?" She could hear the amusement in his voice. 

"You know." 

"I am." 

"Then why are you calling me? You never call me from your office." 

"Well ever since you ignored my vocal summons-" 

"You mean your bellowing?" 

"I don't think I'd classify it as a bellow, but still I'm trying to cut down on it... you haven't noticed?" He didn't wait for her to answer. "Come in a minute, will you?" 

"Sure," she answered before they fell into several seconds of silence. "Now?" 

"Yes, now." He tried to sound annoyed, but she could tell he was smiling. 

"'Kay." She hung up and started for his office. Once inside, she closed the door behind her and leaned against it. 

At her entrance he moved from behind his desk. "I got you something... for your trip." 

"You did?" Her mouth curved into a smile as she pushed off the door to meet him halfway. 

He reached into his backpack and pulled out an object still covered in the plastic bag from the store. 

"What is it?" She watched his face for clues as he handed it to her and then shoved his hands in his pockets. 

She turned the bag over, studying it. "This is the most beautiful wrapping I've ever seen." But she smiled broadly when she said it. 

He rolled his eyes. "Just open it." 

"Sunscreen!" She exclaimed as she opened the bag. "You got me sunscreen." 

"Yeah... well, you know, it's the desert... with the sun and the heat... and you're all pale, you have to protect yourself." 

Looking back down at it, she suddenly felt a little fluttery and marveled at how absurd it was that he could make her swoon by handing her a bottle of sunscreen. "Josh... that's really sweet." She bit her bottom lip for several moments and blinked to keep from getting emotional... until something occurred to her. She looked at him curiously. "Aren't you going to tell me not to get all emotional like you always do when you do something sweet and un-Josh-like?" 

"No, 'cause I was kinda hoping for the hug that usually goes with the emotional." 

She met his gaze and felt her chest constrict at the almost shy expression on his face. Before she knew what she was doing, she tossed the sunscreen on to his desk and launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. His hands almost immediately found their way out of his pockets and around her waist. Tugging her closer to him, he inhaled deeply and enjoyed the feel of her body pressed up against him. 

Donna sighed into his warm embrace; she could feel the slightly rough shadow on his cheek rub against the soft skin of her face. 

After about half a minute of the two of them doing nothing but standing in Josh's office, taking pleasure from just holding one another, Donna broke the silence. "This is a really long hug." 

She felt his body shake with laughter against her. "Well, the sunscreen is SPF 45." 

"Right," She giggled against his neck. "That's the good stuff, worth more hug time." 

"We haven't really talked this week." He mumbled into her ear. 

His hot breath on her neck made her skin tingle. "We talk all the time." She didn't loosen her grip around his neck. 

"I know we talk, but it's just, since last weekend... well we haven't talked about... you know..." 

"I know. But we said we weren't going to till I got back and made some decisions... do you want to talk now?" 

"No, I just want to make sure that you still want to... talk, that is." 

She squeezed him harder, then drew back slightly so she could see into his eyes. "I definitely still want to talk." 

"Okay then." Grinning at her, his hands still clasped behind her waist, he was suddenly gripped with an almost irresistible desire to kiss her. Their faces were only a few inches apart, their mouths separated by a tantalizingly small space. An imperceptible tilt of his head coupled with a slight lean forward and without any more to-do their lips would meet. 

Donna sensed the change in him and looked from his eyes down to his lips and back up again. Her stomach flip-flopped. She felt the pull as strongly as he did, wanted it as much as he did. But she'd been shaped by years of self doubt, denial and fear when it came to her feelings for him... so instead of giving in, she broke the spell. "By the way, I'd like it noted that I prefer the term alabaster to pale." 

Josh laughed and with his own equal parts disappointment and relief released her. "Yes, I know you do... and I prefer the term pigment-challenged, so I compromised with pale." 

She tried not to laugh while she picked up the bottle of sunscreen from where she'd tossed it on the desk. "This is by far the most thoughtful gift anyone's ever bought for me at a CVS." 

He chuckled. "Really?" When she shot him a curious look he continued, "They sell lots of useful gift items for the industrious shopper." 

"Really? Like what?" She looked amused. 

"I don't know... cameras, cough drops, condoms..." 

"You think I'd like to receive condoms as a gift?" She asked, more amused than anything else. 

He blushed, "I... I don't think... um, no?" 

"For future reference, no." But then her lips quirked and her eyes sparkled mischievously, "At least, not as a gift." 

He just stared at her... eyes wide, jaw loose. 

She laughed at his dumbsquizzled expression, but then turned serious as she changed the subject. "So I have to leave shortly." 

"I know." 

"I've cleared my desk and I really think the temp seems to be picking everything up." 

"Don't worry about us. We'll be fine." When she raised her eyebrow at him, he amended, "We'll be mostly fine. I won't yell at anyone." 

She looked at him even more pointedly. 

"I'll try not to yell and if I do I'll... apologize." 

She nodded in approval and rewarded him with a pat on the shoulder. 

"Unless the person I yelled at really deserved it." 

Laughing, she replied, "I'll take it. Okay, I should go." Donna looked at him hesitantly, not knowing what the proper goodbye was for your boss-slash-friend-slash-potential something more. 

Josh, for once, stepped up to the plate. Leaning over, he pressed his lips against her cheek in a manner that was a tad too slow to be completely platonic. After withdrawing a few inches he murmured in her ear, "Have a good trip." 

Once he pulled all the way back from her, she paused to smile and then turned to exit. 

Before she even got the door all the way opened he added in a quiet voice, "I'm going to miss you." 

Looking back to meet his eye, Donna smiled at him reassuringly. "Josh, it's only two weeks." 

"I know, but still. Be careful, it's a dangerous place. But you're going to email me... every day, right?" 

"I'm going to try, but it's going to be pretty hectic. If you don't hear from me it's probably because I'm having trouble with a connection. Don't worry. I'll keep a log of everything that happens. Now I really have to go." 

He shooed her with his hands, but then called through the open door, "Bye!" 

She poked her head back in the door, "Bye and I'm going to miss you too." After a beat and a grin she added, "Now I'm really leaving." 

Smiling, to himself, once she'd actually gone, he thought about how amazing it was that a week ago, all he could think about was keeping her as his assistant, and now all he wanted was for her to get back quickly from this trip so she could find another job. 

It was funny how things changed without warning. 


	2. Without Warning

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

Numb. Deprived of the ability to feel. As the taxi sped along the highway, numb was the best way to describe how Josh felt. He couldn't feel. The trip from the White House to Dulles was at least a 45-minute trip and now that they were nearing the end of it, he found that he couldn't remember any of the drive. Didn't remember getting out of the city, or entering the highway... hadn't registered the miles of suburbs and industry on his way to Virginia. 

He did remember Margaret calling his cell phone with flight information. As soon as he'd left, Leo had apparently asked her to book him a seat on the next plane to Germany. He'd recited his Visa number to her over the phone and when she'd warned him how expensive the flight was going to be, he'd actually laughed. A mirthless amusement-free laugh, but a laugh nonetheless... did she think he cared how much it cost? 

Josh knew he shouldn't be numb. He should feel something. Earlier he'd felt something. Shock and horror when CJ told him about the explosion, followed by a fear so crippling that he'd felt little else until he found out she was alive. Now... nothing. Concentrating, he tried to will himself to feel. Vaguely he realized he was hungry-- only natural, as he hadn't eaten all day. Also, his temples throbbed, his eyes burned... and then there was the ache. But the ache wasn't a true physical ailment, not like his head or his stomach... he was pretty sure that the ache was coming from his soul. Maybe he was better off feeling nothing. 

The driver's voice, asking him which airline he was flying, brought his attention back to his surroundings. Josh concentrated on the man's voice and it hit him. He had an accent. The exact origins of it were indeterminate, but he thought he sounded like he was from somewhere in the Middle East. Hate for the man rose like bile in his throat. No longer numb, anger coursed through him... something that came from a deep, dark place inside him wanted to smash through the glass and hurt the man. Hurt him like he'd hurt Donna. He tasted bitterness in his throat and his eyes snapped wide and as quickly as the violent impulse hit him, it was gone. Josh sat back, panting slightly as the blood drained from his face; even though it had only been a moment, the swift ferocity of his rage scared him. The man asked again for the airline, but this time Josh took a deep breath and answered. He didn't hate this man. This was just a man doing his job, living his life; he had nothing to do with what happened to Donna. 

Taking a cleansing breath, Josh vowed to himself that he wasn't going to lose it. Having irrational rage towards a taxi driver just because he might have roots in the same region of the world where Donna had been hurt, wasn't who he was. Even under stress he wasn't that guy and he wouldn't let himself become that guy. Despite this and his outburst earlier outside the Oval Office, he knew he could retain control, because he realized what he was doing. Trying to find someone to blame, trying to lift his own burden. But he knew he couldn't-- the blame was his and his alone. 

Josh looked out the window and saw a sign for international departures and froze. 

His passport. Now panic overtook him as he realized he wasn't sure that he had it with him. His heartbeat took off like a racehorse. Without the passport, he knew they wouldn't let him on a plane. If he had to go back and get it, he would lose two hours, at the least. What if Donna didn't have two hours? What if there wasn't another flight? He'd left the White House fast, grabbing just his coat and shoving his laptop in his backpack. He hadn't thought, he hadn't planned... he'd just acted. Without going home, packing a bag or giving any thought to what he might need to travel internationally, he'd jumped in the taxi and thought of nothing but getting to the airport. Not that he usually thought about the details... that had always been Donna's job. 

Frantically, he rummaged though his backpack, willing it to be there. Finally he unzipped a pouch on the inner lining and found it, right where Donna had put it when he'd left for Brussels. Turning it over in his hand, he slumped with relief... even when she was lying hurt somewhere, probably fighting for her life, she still took care of him. Why hadn't he done the same for her? 

*** 

As Josh cleared security and boarded a transport to his gate, he felt the vibration of the cell phone in his jacket pocket. The caller ID indicated it was coming from the White House. He sighed and answered. 

"Josh, it's CJ." 

"What's up?" Josh's voice was clipped. He wasn't annoyed that CJ had called, but he wasn't sure he was up to carrying on a conversation with anyone right now. 

"I just wanted to check in, see where you were, if you needed anything." 

"Um, no. My flight leaves in 45 minutes." He leaned his head back. 

"So you're going to Germany?" 

"Yeah. I need..." Josh shoved that thought aside, it didn't matter what he needed. "She's going to need me." 

"Good. Yeah... she will." 

They both were silent for several seconds. Josh was making his way to the gate before he spoke. "Do people think I've lost it?" 

"What?" CJ asked. 

"My outburst outside the Oval... do you all think I'm having an episode?" 

She inhaled sharply. "No, Josh. We... I think someone you care about has been hurt in a violent way and that is very upsetting to you... and you understandably want to lash out at the people who are responsible." She took a deep breath. "But I also think that someone who is that personally affected by it, shouldn't be in the room." 

Josh looked at the ground as he listened to her. She was right. "Yeah." 

"Like when the President invoked the 25th. He knew he couldn't be the President while he was thinking like a distraught father. You're thinking like a distraught..." She searched for the right word, having no idea what the appropriate description for their relationship might be, "...friend right now, not a Senior Policy advisor. That's all anyone thought." 

"Right..." He mumbled and then fell silent for several seconds. "I'm just... I'm angry, CJ." 

"I know." Her voice was soft. 

"At everybody, but mostly at myself." 

"Josh..." CJ shook her head, wanting to stop him from going down that path, but she knew that was a lost cause. Knowing Josh, he would blame himself no matter what. 

"Do you remember when I told you that I trusted her with my life?" He'd made the short way to his gate and now he found a seat in the crowded boarding area. 

"Yeah." 

"And you told me that wasn't part of an assistant's job?" 

"Yeah." CJ said it slowly, not knowing where he was going with this. 

"Well, it's a two way street with us... she trusted me, CJ, with her life. Trusted me not to send her someplace that might be dangerous. Trusted me to look out for her. It was my job to make sure that trust wasn't misplaced... and what did I do? I sent her there... and you know what I gave her? Huh? Sunscreen. I armed her with sunscreen. Right, because her life might be in danger from the sun!" His voice rose and the woman sitting next to him in the boarding area edged away. 

"Josh. You can't control what happened and you couldn't have predicted it." 

"I should have protected her. I should have given her an oozy or a flack jacket or a tank. I shouldn't have sent her in the first place. I put her in danger. Don't you get it? I did that... I sent her, to shut her up..." 

"Josh, you didn't do it to shut her up. You told me yourself, you gave her an opportunity and it's what she wanted." 

"I'm sure if she comes through this she's going to fall over herself thanking me for the opportunity." 

"You know, if Donna could hear you right now... she would knock you upside the head." 

"Well she can't hear me, that's the point." He leaned back against the chair and squeezed his eyes shut. 

After several seconds, CJ uttered, "That's interesting." 

"What?" 

"Did we just switch roles?" The grim note that had been in her voice was slightly less. 

"What?" He muttered again. 

"Us. The last time we argued about you and Donna and this trip, we were on opposite sides." 

Shaking his head, "You were right. I'm selfish... I'm an ass... I only think of myself, never of her." 

"I never said that." CJ smiled despite the gravity of their conversation. 

"You didn't?" 

"No, I'm pretty sure I'd remember calling you a selfish ass... and I know you think of her." 

He just sat in silence. Of course he thought of her, but he was not prepared right now to think of the dismissive way he'd treated her up until recently. He didn't deserve her, he knew it like he knew that the sky was blue or that grass was green. 

"And it's not your fault that something happened," she added when he didn't speak. 

"Okay." 

"Josh, seriously. You can't get caught up in blaming yourself. That won't help Donna." 

"Right, okay, I know... they're boarding the plane so I've got to go." 

"Josh, seriously... " CJ trailed off, not liking the way he sounded. "And let us know how she is." 

"I will." He clicked shut the phone. 

As he found his seat he thought back over the last few weeks. The day she'd left he'd been happy. Not happy that she was leaving, but happy that he'd known what he wanted. He wanted her, wanted to be with her, start a relationship. Now he wasn't so sure. 

He was sure he loved her. Of that much he was absolutely certain. But that was a problem, because bad things happened to the people he loved and he was going to be damned if he let anything bad happen to her again because of him. Even if that meant he couldn't love her anymore. 


	3. Without Warning 3

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

Courtesy of Leo, there was a car waiting for him at the airport. In imprecise but completely understandable English the driver informed him that it was usually a 90 minute drive from Frankfurt to Landstuhl, but being that it was so early in the morning he thought it would take closer to an hour. Josh fished his cell phone out of his bag and settled in to the back seat. 

Immediately he called the hospital, but got caught up in a web of night switchboards and extensions that rang and rang but nobody answered. Dialing again, he closed his eyes while he listened to the numerous messages; among others Leo, Toby and Sam had all called. 

Taking a deep breath he decided there was one he wanted to return right away. He flipped through the saved numbers on his cell phone before pressing send. 

"Hello," An alert voice answered. 

"Mom?" 

"Oh, Joshua, Honey. How are you? How's Donna? I heard her name on the news, but just that she was one of the passengers in the car that exploded." 

"Yeah..." He felt his voice break and hot tears stung his eyes. Maybe calling his Mom hadn't been the best idea, at the sound of her voice he felt himself breaking down. 

"Josh... where are you?" 

He took a deep breath, "Germany... in a car, on my way to the American hospital in Landstuhl." Buoyed by being able to recite the facts, his voice was stronger, "Donna's been taken there, but I don't know anything yet. Earlier they told me there was significant bleeding, but I don't know..." 

"You'll know soon." 

"Yeah..." 

When he gave no further response she prodded him with his name. 

"What am I going to do if she's not okay?" 

"Josh don't think about that, you don't need to think about that now." 

"I can't think of anything else." 

"Honey..." 

"I don't know what I'm going to do... I don't know how... If the worst happens and it was my fault I don't know..." 

"Joshua Lyman!" She said sharply, "Why on earth would this be your fault?" 

"She was there because of me. I sent her. I put her on the Codel." He spoke in a monotone as if reciting it from memory. 

"Uh huh... with the intention that she'd get into a car that was going to explode?" 

When he didn't respond she once again prodded, "Josh?" 

"I put her in a position to get in that car. That's my fault." He said simply. 

"Son, snap out of it." Her tone bordered on angry as she desperately tried to get his attention. "As powerful as you think you are, you are not God. These were circumstances beyond your influence. You had no control over what happened. Things happen is this world, horrible, unthinkable things that don't make sense. You have to accept that. You can't try to make sense of it by placing the blame on yourself." 

"It feels like I can." 

"Do you think you're God?" 

"No... of... of course not." He almost choked on the words. 

"It's not your fault that a terrorist put a bomb inside of a suburban and it's not your fault that Donna had the misfortune to get in that car..." She paused for a moment before continuing softly, "Just like it's not your fault that our house caught on fire and Joanie died." 

"This isn't about that." 

"Isn't it?" She asked softly, "Oh my son... I know the burden you carry." 

"I don't..." 

"Yes, you do. I promise you that, right now, Donna isn't going to need a man who is drowning in guilt and self recrimination. So if that's the Josh that's going to show up at the hospital then you should probably turn around and come home." 

"What?" He asked anxiously, emotion filling the word. 

"I'm serious. She doesn't need your demons, she needs you. She's going to need the Josh that's her boss, her friend and the man who loves her." 

Josh was silently taking in everything she'd said when her last words sunk in, with a quiet surprised voice he asked, "How did you know that?" 

"I just do. Though, I'm a little surprised to hear that you know it." The smile on her face could be clearly heard in her voice. 

Josh bent over in the backseat of the vehicle and wrapped one hand around the back of his neck, "It's something... that I just recently realized..." 

"Really," His mom sounded excited in spite of the current situation. "Have you told her?" 

"No... yes... well we've talked..." 

"And?" 

"Decided that after this trip, she was going to look for a new job." 

"Okay..." 

"And then we would talk about us, the personal us...." 

"Joshua, I'm so happy for you." 

"Well don't be. Even if she's going to be okay. I don't think it's such a good idea. Bad things happen to the people I love." 

"You love me." She stated. 

"Yes." 

"I'm just fine." 

"Yeah." He didn't sound like he was moved by the argument. 

She inhaled deeply trying to find a way to get through to him, "I know you think you're marked for tragedy. But the real tragedy would be if you were so scared of misfortune, of things beyond your control, that you shut yourself off from something wonderful." 

They were both silent for a moment before she stifled a yawn. 

"You're yawning..." He looked down at his watch which was still set to   
east coast time. "I'm sorry; it's the middle of the night there. When I called I didn't think... I'm sorry I woke you." 

"You didn't wake me. I couldn't sleep when I knew you were going through hell. It's something you'll learn when you have children of your own." 

"I'm going to let you go so you can get some rest." He ignored her last comment; he couldn't believe she was heckling him about grandchildren at a time like this. 

"Honey, if you need anything..." She paused for a moment. "Do you want me to come? 

"What?" He asked surprised. 

"Do you want me to come to Germany?" 

"No Mom..." He smiled for the first time since he'd heard the news. "But thank you for offering." 

"Think about what I said." 

"Yeah." He sighed as they said their goodbyes. 

From the moment he'd left the White House, guilt had slowly and deliberately wound itself around him squeezing his heart and mind until he was unable to think of anything but his own culpability. But talking to his mom had managed to loosen the suffocating stranglehold it had on him... by a notch. 

What his mother didn't understand was that he wasn't afraid of tragedy, he'd come to expected it. And that was the problem, because when you loved someone you wanted more for them than that. 

*** 

She'll be okay. She'll be okay. She'll be okay. She'll be okay. She'll be okay. 

The words raced through his head like a mantra, as he stared at her still form. The relief he'd felt at the doctor's words was palpable. It manifested itself in a physical way as much as in a mental one and now that he was sitting here next to her, he felt his body shutting down. 

He hated hospitals. There were no good memories created in hospitals, at least not for him; but if she would just be okay, if this hospital made her better then he would never say another word about hating hospitals ever again. 

Donna quiet, that's what struck him the most. She was never quiet, even when she wasn't speaking to him... he felt his heart squeeze at the memory and shoved it aside, right now he couldn't think about what led to all of this. 

Always talking, always matching him, word for word... beat for beat, driving him crazy... that was Donna. As he gazed at her, he realized he would give anything he had if she just opened her eyes and said something to drive him crazy. 

The moment he saw her, it became clear that his mother was right; this was no place for blame and guilt. He couldn't lend it any energy. There would be plenty of time to punish himself later, but right now, right here all that mattered was Donna. She was going to need him and he would get her through this, just like she had been there for him. He owed her that much. 

Bringing his chair closer to her bed, he leaned on the rail. Thinking back to the day she left for the Codel, he found himself wishing he would have kissed her. If he knew then, what he knew now, he definitely would have kissed her. Because you couldn't go around kissing someone you were falling out of love with for their own good. You couldn't go around kissing someone who you were trying to distance yourself from emotionally. So that day, that might have been his only opportunity... and that was a shame, because he really truly wanted to know what it was like to kiss her. 

As he watched her lying there still and peaceful, he realized that once again he was a selfish bastard, because letting her go, even for her own good, was going to be much harder than he thought. 


	4. Without Warning 4

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

The first time she regained consciousness it was through a thick fog that existed only in her mind. When her eyes blinked open it was only for a few seconds, and she experienced a removed feeling of panic as her unfamiliar surroundings came in and out of focus. Her unease escalated until she saw a familiar figure sitting next to her and was instantly calmed, allowing her to fall back into a peaceful sleep. 

The second time Donna woke, feeling groggy and a bit disoriented, the thick fog had all but lifted. As she became more coherent she felt the pain. It was everywhere, radiating from some indeterminate source within her body. If given a choice she would have preferred the fog. Then she felt the throbbing. Intense throbbing in her leg. She tried to move, but the pain sharpened, so she stayed put. Vaguely she was aware of someone messing with her left arm. She rolled her head to the left and tried to open her eyes. After several attempts, her eyes fluttered open and found a woman she didn't recognize looking back at her. 

"Good morning," the nurse greeted quietly with a smile. 

Donna groaned and tried to speak, but the sound died in her throat. It was dry and the words wouldn't come with any volume. 

"Water?" She offered. 

Donna gave a small nod. The nurse filled a cup from the pitcher beside the bed and brought the straw to her lips. After several sips Donna was able to mumble, "Where am I?" 

"Germany. This is Lanstuhl Regional Medical Center. How do you feel?" 

She answered with a moan. 

"I bet. You were brought in last night, they operated; you've been treated for a broken leg and a collapsed lung." 

"What happened?" 

"An accident," the nurse hedged. "You don't remember?" 

"No." She tried to bring organization to her fuzzy, disordered thoughts; she remembered being in Gaza, leaving, and then nothing else. 

"You'll have to ask the doctor, he'll be by soon... or maybe your husband." 

"What husband?" Donna asked, her already drug-muddled mind becoming even more confused. She didn't have a husband. Did she? 

"The night nurse told me your husband got here early this morning." 

"I have a husband?" Even though she was groggy, she was cognizant enough to realize that if she had a husband and didn't know it, then she probably had some sort of serious brain trauma. 

The nurse pointed to the other side of the bed and whispered, "Your doctor is on rounds, so you can expect him soon. I'll be back..." and with that, she left. 

At the nurse's gesture, she'd slowly turned her head to the other side of the bed. What she saw both startled and reassured her. The top of a head covered in reddish-brown hair resting against the rail of the bed. She blinked several times because she wasn't sure if what she was seeing was real or the product of a dream-- or possibly of the drugs that were most likely dripping from the IV into her blood stream. 

She tried to say his name, but her voice was still so hoarse that it didn't make enough of an impact to wake him. Grimacing, she shifted to her right, and paid for it as pain seared up and down her body. She flexed her right hand; it seemed to be working, although it felt like every part of her ached. 

Reaching up, she touched his head; he still didn't stir. But it was enough to confirm that he was really there, that he wasn't a dream or a manifestation... her mind playing tricks on her. Josh was here, asleep in a chair, his head resting on crossed arms that were propped against the rail of her hospital bed. She hazily thought how it looked like an incredibly uncomfortable position to sleep in, but that was pushed from her mind by her own overwhelming discomfort. 

With all the energy she could muster, she spread her fingers into his hair, grabbed a fistful and pulled. 

He flinched slightly, then lifted his head. When his eyes met hers, he blinked several times before fully waking; it took a moment for him to remember where he was. Then he realized he was staring into Donna's eyes. Donna's awake, alert-well, mostly alert-- eyes. Without warning he felt an almost physical release of the anxiety that had crippled him and held him captive over the last 24 hours. Thankfully he was still seated, or his knees probably would have buckled, sending him crashing to the floor. 

Reaching up, he gently covered her hand, which was still resting on the side of his face, with his own. She was real, she was touching him and she was alive. He inhaled deeply as he felt the tension and fear that had paralyzed him continue to drain away. Squeezing his eyes shut in order to impede the hot tears he felt forming there, he turned his face against her hand and pressed his lips to her palm. 

He had so many things to say, there were so many things she needed to know. How he thought he'd lost her, how terrified he'd been, how much she meant to him. He opened his mouth intent on confessing everything. What he said instead was, "Did you just pull my hair?" 

She gave an almost imperceptible nod. 

"You shouldn't do that. I don't have enough hair left for you to be pulling it out..." Josh tenderly brought her arm back to her side and stood, gazing at her intently. "How are you?" 

"You're here?" Even though her voice was weak, she sounded surprisingly lucid. 

"I am." He tried to stretch, needing to work out the kinks in his neck that had formed from sleeping in such an awkward position, but it didn't work very well as he wouldn't take his eyes off her. 

"In Germany?" She was trying to wrap her mind around her situation; nothing made sense. 

"Yes." Standing, he looked around. "I should go get the doctor. So he can check you out..." 

"No." Her voice was urgent. 

He looked at her questioningly. "No? Why?" 

"Don't go." Fear had flooded over her the moment he mentioned leaving. 

"Okay..." Stepping back towards the bed, he looked down at her. His eyes roamed the length of the hospital bed, trying to take in every part of her. More than anything, he wanted to touch her, to hold her. He craved physical contact, but knew she was delicate and in pain. So instead, he feasted on her with his eyes. "You didn't answer me, how do you feel?" 

"Bad." 

Josh visibly winced. Donna in this much pain was unthinkable to him. Leaning further over the bed he wished he could take it from her, every moment of pain, and every bit of hurt. But from experience he knew that you couldn't do that, no one could do that, even for someone you cared about. "I know. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?" 

"Stay." She reached her hand up towards him again and he caught it in his own. 

"I'm not going anywhere." He smiled... a true, genuine smile that reached his eyes. If he'd been thinking of himself, he would have realized he felt lighter and the vice grip around his chest had lifted, but he wasn't thinking of himself. 

"How long have I been here?" 

He shook his head; time had run together. Glancing at his watch, "I think you've been here about twelve hours. You were in surgery..." 

"The nurse told me." 

"Oh." Josh sighed with relief. He was pretty sure he would be unable to run down her injuries with any kind of aplomb. 

"Josh... what happened?" 

He hesitated. He had no idea how much or what she could handle right now, but he knew that he would be unable to protect her for long and he wanted her to hear it from him. 

He ran his thumb slowly over the top of her hand as it rested on the bed. "I don't know much, the car you were riding in... there was a bomb, Donna." 

"A bomb?" 

"Yes." He nodded, having no idea how he was going to answer the next question. 

"What about everybody else?" Josh could see the worry wash over her and knew he had to protect her from the full truth a little longer. 

"There were... serious injuries. But right now you have to just worry about yourself and getting better." 

She gulped. He noticed and grabbed the water glass from the table, bringing the straw to her lips. After taking a sip, she took a look at him, her eyes finally beginning to fully focus on him. 

"You look like hell." 

He smiled at that. "Thank you." 

"Do I look like hell?" Even though her voice reached barely above a rasp, he could hear the apprehension in it. 

"No," He shook his head. "You look like heaven." 

Her eyes glistened. Unshed tears caused by pain or maybe the painkillers or maybe from the way Josh stood looking down at her. She met his eyes. "You're really here?" 

Josh took a deep breath and leaned over. He slowly brushed his lips against her cheek and then whispered in her ear, "Where else would I be?" 

"Thank you for coming." He pulled back far enough to view her face and his heart melted at the desperate look in her eye. 

"Thank you for being okay." Josh leaned in to kiss her a second time; this time he gently pressed his lips to her forehead. 

Just then the doctor entered the room. "Good morning, Miss Moss, I'm Colonel Leahy." He smiled at Josh, who stepped out of the way to grant him access to Donna. He peered down at her. "I operated on you last night. How do you feel?" 

Donna rasped, "Like crap." 

"Good, then you're right on schedule. We're going to do some tests later, but today is mostly about rest for you." He looked back at Josh and then towards Donna once again. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" 

Josh looked startled. "No, no of course not. She was resting." 

Colonel Leahy looked back over to Donna with a playful smile. "Oh, the nurse told me that you were in here with your husband." 

"I'm not her husband, I'm her boss!" Josh exclaimed with wide eyes. 

Donna's lips actually quirked upwards slightly. "She told me that, too. I thought I had a head injury and forgot I had a husband." 

He addressed Donna, still smiling. "The way people will jump to conclusions." He looked down at her chart. "You were very lucky, Miss Moss..." As he began to run down her list of injuries, Josh slumped into the chair and leaned forward, putting his head between his knees. 

"What's wrong?" Donna interrupted the doctor when she saw Josh sink into the chair. 

Colonel Leahy answered, "Mr. Lyman gets queasy about injuries." 

"No, he doesn't." She whispered, looking over at him. 

"Well, then, he gets queasy when we talk about your injuries. That's common when it involves someone you... are close to." He turned to look at Josh. "Mr. Lyman, would you prefer to step out of the room?" 

Josh shook his head and squeaked, "I'm fine." 

The doctor continued explaining the surgery to Donna and Josh groaned. 

Donna interrupted the doctor again. "Josh?" 

He looked up. "Maybe, I'll just go... call your parents... you'll be alright for a few minutes?" When she nodded, he smiled and left the room with a promise to be back as soon as possible. 

As he walked down the hall it hit him. He had completely failed. He'd acted like a lover, not a friend; hell, the hospital staff thought he was her husband. That wasn't the way things were supposed to go. To be honest, his resolve seemed to have lessened. It was as if everything he'd decided the night before had been forgotten the moment he woke up and found her eyes desperately fixed on him. The relief had been so powerful, so overwhelming, that it had washed away everything that came before it. 

Right now, today, he needed to focus on her and to do that he couldn't distance himself emotionally. 

He'd start trying to fall out of love with her tomorrow. 


	5. Without Warning 5

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

An Army liaison officer had offered to help find Josh accommodations or perhaps a room at Fisher House, but he, of course, declined. When finally, Josh had resisted all efforts to remove him from the hospital, they'd just pointed him across the street, where he could buy some essentials, and found him a shower. 

They'd taken Donna for tests and when they wheeled her back she was sound asleep. While she slept, Josh sat in the hospital cafeteria, trying to simultaneously force down some nourishment and return phone calls. 

"How's she doing?" Josh could tell over the phone that Toby was in motion. 

"Better than I could have hoped." Josh's chest heaved with relief. "She's medicated and in a lot of pain and it's going to take time to recover, but she's going to be okay. What's going on there?" 

"The end of the world, nothing to worry about." 

"Any fallout from me leaving?" Josh grimaced as he poked at the unidentified meat on his plate. 

"Not much, other than people I don't want to talk to wanting to talk to me." He paused a moment. "Notably, the Speaker called and wanted to know where the hell you were." 

"What did you tell him?" Josh frankly didn't give a damn what Haffley thought of him leaving. 

"Attending to personal business." 

"How'd that go over?" 

"Like a lead balloon. Apparently he isn't as close with his assistant as you are with Donna. He thinks the administration isn't taking this seriously and your not being here is a sign of that. Called us a bunch of spineless, pacifying... anyway, the Republicans on the Hill want retribution. Ironically, if he'd heard your opinion on how to deal with the situation..." Toby gave a small sarcastic laugh, while Josh squirmed at the memory of his kill-them-all outburst. "He probably would have been comforted... don't worry about it, Leo dealt with him." 

"Anything else?" 

"Most everyone has asked me to pass on their well-wishes, but don't ask me who everyone is, I don't look at the faces ..." He hesitated, not sure he should continue with his next thought. "It's not a big deal, but I think there is something you're going to have to deal with when you get back..." 

"What?" Josh furrowed his brow. 

"Office gossip." 

"Gossip, I don't give a damn about gossip..." he declared before questioning, "What kind of gossip?" 

"Well, we're in the midst of potentially the largest crisis the administration has ever faced and you race off halfway around the globe to be with your assistant. People talk." 

"She was hurt." Josh exhaled, knowing that wasn't enough. "We're close. Everyone knows that..." 

"Yes..." He sighed. "I can't believe I'm repeating this. Rina tells me that it's circulating amongst White House staffers that you and Donna have been out-ed. Apparently, the word is you've been carrying on a clandestine affair and your taking off to be with her is proof of that." 

"We haven't!" Josh answered defensively. 

"I know." 

"But we... we've never even..." 

"I said I know." Toby cut in quickly, not wanting to discuss any gory personal details. 

"What does this mean?" 

"Nothing. Just thought you should know." 

"Is it gonna be a thing?" 

"I don't think so. Like I said, just office gossip. In fact if Mandy were still the Media Director, she'd probably be trying to pitch it to the press as some sort of fairy tale love story. Distract them from the potentially huge foreign policy quagmire were about to fall into." 

"Did you have to mention Mandy?" Toby just grunted appreciatively, before Josh continued. "Donna can't come back to work for me." 

"Gossip will die down." 

"No it's just that... she was looking to leave anyway and now with her recovery... it's probably a good time. She'd been talking about leaving altogether, but I'd like to try to find another position for her within the White House." Josh's chest constricted. When he'd first been hit with her intention to leave, he'd eventually been calmed by the promise that they could explore starting a personal relationship. Now that that was out of the question, the thought of losing her both personally and professionally threatened to crush him once again. 

"Does this mean you two are..." Toby paused 

"No." Josh said emphatically. 

"Oh..." Toby scratched his beard. "It goes against every fiber of my being to ask this, but why not?" 

"Why not what?" 

"Why aren't you two, you know, especially if she's not coming back to work as your assistant?" 

"Because..." Of course Josh had no answer that he could articulate into words that would make sense to anyone other than himself. 

"Josh, far be it from me to give advice, but maybe you should think about catching up with what all of the White House and pretty much all of Washington already knows." 

"What's that?" 

"That you're in love with her." Toby had raised his voice, but after a brief pause spoke in a much lower tone. "Aren't you?" 

"Yeah." Josh nodded in resignation even though Toby couldn't see him. 

"So, what's the problem?" 

"Many, many things." 

"Josh, I have to go. Tell Donna that everyone sends their love... and just... don't be stupid. I was stupid, don't be stupid like me." 

Toby clicked the phone shut and Josh stood staring at it for a minute after the conversation was over. He didn't want to be stupid, he wanted to be smart. That could pretty much sum up his entire life, wanting to be the smartest kid in class, wanting to be the smartest guy in the room. 

The thing was, he was mostly certain that the smart thing to do was to let her go. 

*** 

When Josh walked back into Donna's hospital room he found her still asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he gingerly made his way over to the bed. Settling back into his chair, he wondered how far gone you really were when you were content to just sit and watch a person sleep. 

Josh started to feel himself dozing off when he heard a small voice say his name. Instantly he was lucid and standing over her bed. "Hi. How are ya feeling?" 

She lolled her head back and forth. "I don't like the tests." 

"Yeah, I didn't like the tests either." He bit his lip nervously; there was part of him that still didn't quite believe she was going to be okay. 

"They poked me and then there was this needle..." She stopped when she saw his face pale. "Seriously... I've never seen you so squeamish before." 

"Well, like the Colonel said, it's never been you before." He reached up to rake his hand roughly through his hair. 

"Oh." She managed a lazy half-smile. "That's kind of sweet." Her smile was infectious and Josh felt his lips curve in response. He didn't let himself wonder what it would feel like if he never saw her smile again. 

After a moment, her expression turned serious. "Josh, how are the others?" 

The last thing he wanted to do was deliver this news, but he knew it was time. Taking a deep breath, he sat back down and took her hand in his. "Not good. I'm ... everyone else in the car died, Donna." 

Donna stared over at him, horror clearly written on her features. 

He stroked her forearm gently. "I'm sorry." 

She closed her eyes. A moment later, a tear slid out of the side of one eye and rolled slowly towards her ear. "How?" 

"How what?" Josh asked softly, still her holding her hand. 

"How did everyone die but me?" She met his gaze again, her eyes brightened to a deep azure by the tears. Gently, he reached over and wiped away the wet trail that the tear had left on the side of her face. 

"I don't know," he answered hoarsely. Lifting her arm, he kissed the back of her hand and then kept it pressed to the side of his face as he looked down at her for a long minute. "Donna..." He gulped, trying to banish the lump in his throat, but it wouldn't budge. "I'm... I'm sorry." 

"For what?" 

"If I had known, you know... I would never have sent you... I shouldn't have sent you... I..." 

"Josh... no." Her voice was firm as she shook her head slightly and looked him directly in the eye. 

"Okay." Without further elaboration he stopped, remembering the vow he'd made to keep his guilt away from her. Taking a deep breath, he changed the subject. "Do you feel up to calling your parents? I think they're getting sick of the sound of my voice." 

She sniffed and nodded. Looking at his watch, he calculated the time. "They're booked on the 7pm out of Chicago, so I'm sure they haven't even left the house yet." 

"Josh, no." She sounded alarmed. "I don't want them to come all the way here. Do you know how much a last minute ticket to Germany costs?" 

He just looked at her for a second before responding with a smile, "Yeah..." Then he quirked his brow at her. "Well, actually, no... Margaret didn't tell me." 

She eyed him curiously before she continued. "Besides the doctor said that once my lung re-inflates that they can transport me to Walter Reed. So they might only be here a night or two before we leave again." 

"True." Josh agreed. 

"They should just meet us in D.C." 

"I know they're worried sick and really want to see you... But you can talk to them." Leaning back he grabbed his bag to rummage for his phone. 

For the first time since he'd re-entered the room, she got a good look at him. "Stand up." 

Josh twisted to look back at her with bewildered expression. "What?" 

"Humor me... stand up." 

Slowly Josh stood, feeling uncomfortable. Once Donna got a look at him she started to giggle, which turned into a raspy cough. 

Alarmed, Josh moved back to her side. "Are you okay?" He hovered over her and grabbed the cup of water and brought the straw to her lips. 

She nodded. "That hurt." 

He grimaced. "I hate to see you in pain." 

"Then don't make me laugh." 

"What did I do?" His eyes were wide and still full of concern 

"What are you wearing?" She said with a small note of humor ringing through her weak voice. 

With a downward glance he surveyed his appearance. He wore a gray Property of Ramstein AFB T-shirt while a pair of salmon colored scrubs adorned his legs. "I had to find something across the street to wear, this is it..." He grinned at her. "But apparently military types and Europeans prefer briefs, so when in Rome..." 

"You wear boxers..." 

"I know." He smiled before looking at her curiously. "How do you know?" 

She just stared back at him in answer. 

"Right." Josh nodded and tried to smother a smile. 

"Why?" Donna looked at him. 

"Why do I wear boxers? Well, for one-" 

She interrupted him with a warning, "You're not supposed to make me laugh." 

"I'm sorry." Josh's face was suddenly dead serious. 

"I don't understand why you had to buy..." 

"Because the suit I was wearing was about to start moving under its own power." 

"Didn't you bring clothes with you?" 

He shook his head and didn't quite meet her eye. "I... I didn't bring anything with me." 

"What do you mean?" She asked, not getting it. 

He dared to look at her full on. "I mean... I left from the White House and took a cab straight to the airport." 

She thought for a second, "But you have those meetings on midterm election strategy this week. The DNC is going to be upset if you post-pone again. I have to call the Chairman's office and-" 

"Donna." He stopped her with a smile. "You don't need to call anybody. Everything is taken care of." 

"Is it?" She asked fretfully. 

"Yes." Josh lied, he hadn't given a thought to his schedule and had no idea what was being taken care of and what wasn't. 

Something flashed in her eyes; Josh couldn't read exactly what. She was silent for a moment. "Josh, if Fitz and the Congressmen..." 

"Yeah?" He took her hand anxiously; afraid she was going to get upset again. 

"Isn't that a big deal? Aren't there important things you should be... don't they need you?" Her breath, which was hard in coming in the first place, hiccupped. 

"Not more than I need to be here." Josh felt something tighten around his heart as he said the words. 

"Josh..." The way she said his name only intensified the twisting in his chest. "You just left and came straight here?" 

He nodded. "We had a deal, remember..." 

With heavy lids, Donna shook her head slightly. 

"No stopping for red lights." Josh didn't realize it, but he held his breath as he watched her expression. When he saw her eyes go wide and a look of recognition pass across her face, he exhaled and quickly busied himself looking for his phone. "So, are you ready to call your parents now?" 

Holy hell. He really sucked at this falling out of love thing. 


	6. Without Warning 6

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

Josh looked around the interior of the C-141 medical transport plane that was carrying them back to the States. On Donna's third day in the hospital one had been scheduled to leave, going back to Andrews. Colonel Leahy had given the okay and before they knew it they were winging their way back home, courtesy of the United States Air Force. 

Under normal circumstances, they probably wouldn't have put him on the military transport plane with her, but he wasn't about to leave her side and nobody questioned it. 

He had no idea if it was because of Donna's status as a high-profile patient, his job title or because someone had intervened-- in any case, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was with her and they were going home. 

As he sat, he kept his red-rimmed eyes trained on her. While the flight did carry other patients, it wasn't nearly full, and a lieutenant had told him it would be fine if he wanted to lie down on one of the empty units. They'd given Donna something to induce sleep and thankfully, she'd been dozing peacefully since wheels up. The tug of sleep pulled at him as well, but he resisted. Not that he didn't need it, he did. But something inside of him wouldn't allow it. As if the exhaustion he faced was punishment; in essence, he'd martyred his sleep. 

Josh thought about how he had failed. Failed so effectively that he was sure that he'd never been more in love with her than he was at that moment; he was uncertain about many things in his life, but one thing he was certain of was that he was a total incompetent when it came to falling out of love with Donnatella Moss. He was in love with her-- heart flipping, soul-searing, gut-wrenching love. How did it happen that one day you were living your life, not paying any attention, and the next thing you knew, you were completely unable to fathom your life without a person. But even he knew that wasn't true, because you could go back a month, two months, three years... that didn't matter, at no time since they'd met could he picture his existence without her. 

As the plane moved through the air, he felt lulled by the constant rhythm and hum of the engines of the old aircraft. Shaking his head, he continued to fight sleep. Josh knew he needed answers to tough questions. Donna couldn't escape the sentence of being loved by him, but did that mean it had to be terminal? He lost the people he loved, but... what if this time it was different? What if, just this once? Maybe he was due. He tried not to let himself think that, because if it were true, he was risking giving away the only thing he'd ever needed, for no reason. Could he leave her, even if he really wanted to? Weren't their lives so intricately woven together that it would be next to impossible to extricate him from her? What would one be without the other? On the other hand... if it was for her good, how could he not? How could he be so selfish? Pursuing her when he knew he was poison, wasn't that the self-serving act of a coward? 

He didn't question his track record. Tragedy loved him, taunted him... tainted him. But she was the one thing he couldn't bear to lose. He didn't know what the right thing to do was anymore, and that was the scariest thought of all. 

She was going to be hospitalized for several more days once they landed. That bought him a little more time; he wouldn't have to make a decision until she was home. 

"Hey." Her voice, still thick from sleep, brought him out of his thoughts. 

"Hey." He turned to her. "How are you doing? Do you need anything?" He glanced at his watch. "We should be there... in about an hour." 

Shaking her head in answer, she eyed him strangely. "What were you thinking about?" 

"What? When?" He looked startled. 

"Just now... I was watching you. The look on your face was... not good. So, I'm wondering what you were thinking about." 

A brief smile flitted across his face at the knowledge that she could read him so well. Wishing he could tell her, he thought about what she would say if he did. CJ was right; she would knock him upside the head. She would also definitely make him feel better, but this wasn't about him feeling better. "Well you know the pitching prospects are pretty dismal for the Mets this year. I'm not encouraged." 

"I'm gonna be okay." She gazed directly into his eyes and he'd swear to God she could see right into his soul. 

"I know you are." His voice came to barely above a whisper. 

"Do you?" 

Josh didn't take his eyes off of her, but he also didn't answer her question. 

"Do you know what it means to me?" Her breath caught in her throat. 

"What, what means to you?" 

"You." She said softly. "Everything you've done. Coming to Germany. Staying with me. Taking care of me. It's meant everything to me." She inhaled deeply and blinked; after a moment her expression turned playful. "You're even forgiven for every stupid thing you've ever done or said... or made me do. Not that I keep count, but if I did, this would wipe the slate clean." 

He felt something powerful yank on his heart. "It's no more than what you did for me." But he smiled in spite of himself. "Not that I'll turn down a clean slate. What should we do with it?" 

"I know what I want." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "And I don't need to wait and I don't need to talk about it anymore." 

Josh took a deep breath. So much for his plan to wait until after she was out of the hospital to talk about their relationship. "We still need to figure out where you're going to work," he misdirected, either unable or unwilling to make any promises of his own. 

"I'm not going to be working anywhere for awhile, Josh." 

"True." He sighed, "But at some point we have to think about what will happen..." Trying to divert her attention further, he added, "Toby told me that people assume we've been having an affair." 

Donna was clearly taken by surprise by his pronouncement. She frowned. "What? What people?" 

"People who work in the White House." He shrugged. 

"Our co-workers?" Donna asked, astonished. 

"I guess, yes. Probably any number of the 1100 government employees I oversee who enjoy engaging in gossip when they should be serving the public." 

"Gossip?" Her eyebrow quirked curiously. Josh nodded but didn't say anything, so she continued, "Why would they gossip about us." 

Josh shrugged. "I don't know." 

"What did Toby say?" She asked. 

"I don't know. It doesn't matter." 

"It does to me. They're talking about me, about us." 

"They've always talked about us." Josh stated it as if it was common knowledge between them. 

"They have?" 

"Sure..." Josh's smile finally reached his eyes. "Your crush on me has been apparent for, oh what... years. You should learn how to hide your feelings a little bit better, especially if you're going to work in politics." 

Donna was completely dumbfounded for a minute. "But..." Finally she caught his smirk and narrowed her eyes. "You know you could go to hell for making fun of a sick person." 

"Who's making fun?" He shrugged. "Donna, you can't blame people if they picked up on your fairly obvious feelings for me, if you're-" 

"Josh..." Her tone held a warning. 

"Okay." His smug smile didn't appear at all repentant. 

"Seriously, is there really gossip?" Donna wondered if he'd made it all up just to tease her. 

He exhaled. "Yes, Toby said that the rumor is we've been carrying on a clandestine affair and that my flying to Germany was proof of it." 

"Well I guess it's a good thing I wasn't having second thoughts about leaving my job. How does Toby know?" 

"Rena." 

"Uh oh. That is a reliable source." Donna's lips quirked into a smile. "Clandestine affair? They obviously don't know you at all." 

"What?" 

"You couldn't have a clandestine affair! You are not at all sneaky, you're clumsy... you have a terrible poker face-" 

"Thank you for the compliments." He stopped her with mock exasperation. "But I'm much stealthier than you think. I can stealth-" 

"You can't." She giggled. "You couldn't stealth your way out of a Braille convention." 

He rolled his eyes. "We could be having a secret affair. How would you know? You've been injured; maybe you hit your head and can't remember. The drugs are clouding your mind. Keep in mind that in the hospital you forgot you had a husband." 

She smiled at the memory and then it struck her. They'd thought she had a husband because of his behavior. Her smile broadened. "So... it's not anything I did. There's gossip because of what you did." 

Josh shook his head as soon as he felt her turning the tide on him. 

"Yes, you were so beside yourself when I was injured that it has sparked gossip about us. You're the one who can't hide his feelings, not me." Satisfaction played across her features. 

"I wasn't beside myself, Donna." He lied with panache. 

"You weren't?" She questioned hesitantly, her satisfaction disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. 

When he saw her turn serious, he instantly rose and came to rest at her side. Reaching over he brushed a strand of hair from her face and let his fingers trail to cup her cheek gently. He gazed into her eyes with an intensity that would have curled her toes under other circumstances. "I was beside myself." 

"Josh." This time it was her turn to reach up and cover his hand with her own. She turned her head slightly and pressed her lips to his palm. 

Josh felt himself choking up, but he didn't stop. For once he didn't care if someone saw his emotion, especially if that someone was Donna. "It was a fear I've never known before. It was crippling and it was all encompassing and... and we have to make a deal. No more life-threatening situations, no more danger... no more injuries, no more getting hurt... period... I mean not even a paper-cut. I need you to be okay... deal?" 

The passion with which he'd said the words left her speechless for several long moments. "It's a deal," she finally replied as she smiled up at him with glistening eyes. 

Unfortunately, it wasn't their deal to make. 


	7. Without Warning 7

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

"Is that him?" It was a man's voice speaking somewhere above him. Even though he wasn't fully conscious yet, he could tell that much. 

"Why are you asking me?" A woman whispered back with a note of exasperation. 

"You've seen him before." 

"As have you, on TV... in newspapers and magazines." 

"You pay more attention." 

"Looks like him," she said. "Well, as best I can tell from the top of his head, it looks like him. See, receding hairline, rumpled suit..." 

"But are you sure?" 

"Who else would be sacked out right next to the door to her hospital room, Dan?" 

"I don't know. I still want to know what her boss is doing camped outside her room both here and in Germany." 

"Don't start. I'm grateful to him." 

"As am I," he said, his gruff tone covering a catch in his voice. He paused a moment to swallow before continuing. "But that still doesn't answer the question why." 

"If there is something we should know, Donna will tell us. In the meantime, you're nice and we don't say anything." 

"I'm not saying anything." He was silent for a beat. "All I'm saying is that when I had that partial blockage of the artery and was in the hospital for several days, old Jim Drever didn't come to the hospital to see me and it was five minutes from the office." 

His wife sighed but couldn't completely stifle a laugh. "Dan..." 

Josh was frozen. He was fully awake now, but he didn't know what to do. Donna's parents were very obviously standing right in front of him. Even though he couldn't see their faces, he could feel their eyes trained down on him and, well, he could see their feet. 

His neck was stiff and he was extremely uncomfortable, but he didn't move. His elbow was propped on the armrest of the chair, his head supported on his hand. They'd been taken to the hospital by ambulance and then while her new doctor was in with her, he'd sat down outside her hospital room to wait. Obviously he'd nodded off and missed the arrival of her parents. 

Deciding he couldn't put it off anymore, he slowly raised his head. When he met their questioning eyes, he knew he had to say something. This was monumental. These were Donna's parents, it was important that he make a good first impression. It was essential that they like him. He racked his brain trying to come up with something remarkable to say that would accomplish that. It shouldn't be too hard; he was a graduate of Harvard and Yale, he had an impressive vocabulary, and in some circles he was thought to be quite charming. The product of his best efforts was, "Hi." 

"Josh?" Donna's mother shot him a questioning look. 

He stood slowly and nodded. Puffing his cheeks out, he exhaled. Just as he was extending his arm to offer a handshake, Donna's mother launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck in an inescapably tight hug. Josh was stunned still for a long moment, but then found himself hugging her back. Until that moment Josh hadn't realized just how badly he'd needed a hug. 

"Thank you." She spoke in hushed tones, but her voice was filled with emotion. Josh just nodded into her shoulder. A few moments later she pulled away and smiled brightly at him, even though her eyes were brimming with tears. Rummaging in her purse, she pulled out a tissue and dabbed at the moisture that threatened to spill onto her cheeks. 

Donna's father offered his hand. "I'm Dan Moss. You just met my wife Carolyn." 

"Nice to meet you." Josh smiled genuinely. "I must have nodded off... jet-lag..." Glancing at his watch, he was relieved to see that he'd only been out for just over half an hour. Looking towards the door to her room, he asked, "Have you seen-" 

Carolyn nodded. "For a few minutes. Then they took her to radiology, but said it wouldn't take long, only twenty minutes or so. She should be back any time." 

"Right. Good." Josh surveyed the two of them. Like Donna, they were tall, blonde and striking. At least, her father had the look of someone who had been blonde. Now he was almost fully gray. Her mother looked exactly as he pictured Donna in 25 years, thin and pretty, the smile lines that crinkled around her eyes and mouth the only real evidence of her age. 

"So... um..." Dan was clearly looking for something to say. "How was your flight?" 

"Surprisingly comfortable. They took very good care of us." 

Donna's father nodded and just stared at him. Josh felt his scrutiny and forced a smile. 

Fortunately, Carolyn took over the conversation; she wanted to know every detail of Donna's care and their stay in Germany. 

A short, or if you were Josh, long fifteen minutes later, Donna was wheeled back. The three of them followed her into the room 

As she was reassuring her parents for the third time that her pain was being managed to her satisfaction, Donna stopped abruptly and turned to Josh. "You should go home and get some real sleep." 

"I-" Josh started to protest. 

"Josh..." Donna looked at him defiantly. 

"We have a rental car. Dan, why don't you drive Josh home?" Carolyn offered. 

Josh protested, "You don't need to do that. You just got here, I'm sure you want to-" 

"Dan doesn't mind. Besides, I wouldn't mind some time with my daughter." 

Josh was standing over Donna's bed on the opposite side from where her parents stood. She glanced away from him to look at her parents. "Mom, Dad would you give us a minute." 

"Sure, honey. We'll be in the hall." Her mother towed her frowning father out of the room behind her. 

"Seriously, for me, please go get some sleep." 

He shook his head. "Donna... I'm fine" 

"My parents are here and you look like fried ass on a stick." 

"What? He choked on a laugh. "Did you just say... fried ass on a stick?" 

"I did. Because it's the best description of how you look. Seriously, look in a mirror. When is the last time you slept?" 

"Well, I just got about half an hour in the hall..." He motioned towards the door. 

"Yes, I saw when they took me up to radiology, that doesn't count. Please, it's stressing me out that you're not taking care of yourself. Do you want to stress me out?" She looked at him pointedly. 

"No," he replied sheepishly. 

"So, you'll let my dad drive you home?" 

"I'll go home, but with your dad? Am I being punished?" 

"What? You don't like my dad?" Her tone was on the defensive side. 

"I didn't say that. It's just... never mind. That's fine." It wasn't that he was afraid of her father; it was that he was afraid of having nothing to say to her father for a 30-minute drive. Hastily he changed the subject. "Your mom hugged me." 

Donna smiled. "That sounds like my mom." 

"Does that mean she likes me?" Josh asked, his eyes twinkling despite how very tired they were. "You know she's kinda hot, you didn't tell me you had a hot mom-" 

"Well she's almost closer to your age than I am so maybe if you play your cards right..." 

Josh looked at her for a second, astounded. "I can't decide if the morphine is making you funnier or meaner." 

"A little of both, I think." Donna grinned. "So you'll let my dad drive you home and you'll sleep." 

He nodded. "It's just..." 

"What?" She reached up and grabbed his hand. 

"I haven't been away from you for more than a short while since I got to Germany and..." At the thought of leaving her, he felt his gut twist and his palms grow sweaty. 

"I know." 

He leaned over and touched his lips to her forehead in several quick, tender kisses. "I'll be back first thing tomorrow." 

*** 

Josh sat in the passenger seat of the rental car, mindlessly giving directions to his townhouse. When he realized he'd given him a route that would take them right through Dupont Circle, he quickly redirected. When her father shot him a curious look from the driver's seat, Josh explained. "I want to avoid Dupont Circle, it can be impossible to navigate if you're new to driving in the city..." 

"I'm guessing I could handle the pressure." He replied without humor. 

"Right..." As quiet settled over the car, Josh couldn't help but think that the impression he was making on Donna's father was stellar so far. 

Abruptly Dan turned to him and asked, "What do you know that I don't know?" 

"I'm sorry?" Josh looked at him in confusion. 

"The people who did this... the bastards that put the bomb in the car... what do you know that I don't know?" 

"I wish I did know something. The FBI has leads, nothing concrete yet. I've been out of the loop. They may know more now." Josh ran his hand through his hair as he spoke. 

"Why hasn't he dropped a load of carpet bombs on the whole damn place?" He asked angrily. 

"He wants a diplomatic solution," Josh replied lamely. 

Donna's father just nodded and they fell into silence again. 

About ten minutes later, he turned to him again. "Can I ask you a personal question?" 

"Sure..." Josh's unease was evident in his voice. 

"What are you intentions towards my daughter?" The query was posed with a definite edge. 

Josh stared straight ahead, looking blankly through the windshield. Completely taken aback by the question, he stuttered, "Um... I... my intentions?" 

"Yes, your intentions." Donna's father repeated, not backing down. 

Josh let out a nervous laugh and, as he did on so many occasions, covered with humor. "Was I just transported back in time to a sitcom from 1956?" 

"A smart aleck?" 

Josh's eyes popped wide. "No... no, sir, that was just a joke. My intentions... my intentions... I'm her boss..." His voice, as it was prone to do when he was flustered, squeaked out the end of the sentence. 

"Uh huh." 

"You're not satisfied with that." Josh looked at the profile of the man in the driver's seat and tried to get a grip. He was a world-class political operative used to dealing with people at the highest levels of powers. Surely he could meet the challenge posed by Dan Moss of Madison, Wisconsin. 

"Look, Mr. Lyman-" 

"Josh." 

"Josh, look, I'm indebted to you. Carolyn and I are more grateful than I can ever say that our daughter had you at her side through all of this. I appreciate all you've done for her... and also the way you kept us informed. But I'm curious. You and I both know you're more than her boss. I understand who you are. I know what you do. You have many people who report directly to you. Besides Donna, how many of them would you fly to Germany for, if they were injured?" 

Josh swallowed hard; maybe he couldn't meet the challenge. After a brief pause he answered honestly, "None." He exhaled and allowed a nervous laugh. "Your wife told you not to say anything about this." 

"How..." Dan glanced over at him for a second with a quirked eyebrow. "You were awake?" 

Josh just looked back at him. 

"Right." Mr. Moss actually chuckled. 

They sat in silence for several minutes, until Josh took a deep breath. "My intentions are to be as good a friend to her as she's been to me." 

Her father was silent for a moment and Josh could feel him looking sideways over at him. "Okay." 

"Okay?" Josh was perplexed; how could a man who would ask that question be satisfied with that answer. 

"Yeah." Dan nodded. 

"Okay." Josh slumped with relief in the passenger seat. 

"So, my daughter tells me you're a Mets fan?" 

Josh smiled and did as men do. He talked about baseball with the father of his... assistant. 

*** 

He'd only been home for about twenty minutes when the call came. He was exiting the shower when he heard the ring. The jet lag, combined with the wear of the last few days, was tearing through him, and he was suddenly grateful that Donna had sent him home. He was certain that given the opportunity, he could sleep for a month. 

Sighing, he sent up a silent prayer that it wouldn't be someone from the White House calling with a problem that needed his immediate attention. He picked up the handset and said hello. 

"Josh?" 

"Yes?" The voice instantly put him on guard. 

"This is Carolyn Moss. Something..." Josh could hear her voice break. "Something has happened; I'd thought you'd want to know." 

"What's wrong?" Josh froze where he stood. 

"She's back in surgery..." 

"What? Why?" The pitch of Josh's voice shot into the rafters, as did his blood pressure. 

He could hear her mother's breath catch. "A pulmonary embolism... it's a-" 

"Blood clot." Josh finished in an almost robotic voice. Now he felt the blood start to drain from his entire body. He sank to his knees as he listened to the rest of the call. 

"Yes. Anyway, they are working to dissolve the clot, which I guess can be common with leg injuries..." 

God, he wished it was the White House calling. 


	8. Without Warning 8

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

The moment he'd hung up the phone, Josh found a store of energy he didn't know he possessed. Driven by panic and fueled by adrenaline, he hastily yanked on jeans and a pullover. Grabbing his keys and backpack, he raced out his front door. He was unlocking the door to his car when a taxi pulled up to drop off some visitors to the building across the street. He stared at his keys for a moment and then, making a split- second decision, he raced off towards the taxi. 

The windows were wide open in the cab and a warm summer breeze hit him as the car moved through the streets. It was nearly 8pm on an early June evening, and even though the temperature was still in the low 80s, Josh was freezing. He felt a shiver grip his spine and ripple through him. Some recess of his brain, a part that was still functioning on a practical level, wished he'd brought a sweatshirt or a jacket with him. 

He stared at his arms and saw the little bumps pierce his skin. "Goose flesh," his grandmother used to call it. Fiercely, he rubbed his hand up and down his forearm, trying to force them to disappear. He continued to scrub with a hard back-and-forth motion until abruptly he stopped, realizing his skin was going to fall off before the bumps went away. 

Time seemed to slow to a crawl during the ride. He couldn't judge how far they'd traveled or how far they still needed to go. Part of him felt removed from the experience, like he was somewhere else watching a scene unfold, a man in the back of a taxi holding on to sanity by a fine thread. Looking out the window, trying to ground himself, he found the Washington Monument and tried to orient where he was. But he couldn't concentrate and the chill wouldn't go away. It felt as if ice water were coursing through his body instead of blood. 

Deep down he knew it wasn't the temperature making him cold. It was terror. He knew it because it had happened to him once before. Surprisingly, the first time hadn't been when he was shot and fighting for life, and it hadn't even been when he'd suffered from PTSD. It had been when as a young boy, he'd stood outside a house waiting... waiting for his sister to come out after him. It had gripped him the moment he realized she wasn't going to appear, that she was never going to come out of the house. Despite the extreme heat from the flames that raged in front of him, he'd been freezing that night. That had been the first time fear had run cold through his veins, this was the second. 

Over and over he thought about how he had once again allowed himself to be lulled into a false sense of security. He should have known. His dad died of a blood clot. He'd been doing fine, as well as could be expected for someone going through chemotherapy, and then without warning he was dead. Murdered by a pulmonary embolism. 

Bile rose in his throat. Taking a deep breath, he focused on controlling the nausea that threatened to overcome him. His blood turned icier and he wrapped his arms around his torso. How could this be happening? 

Anger flared through him, formed in an irrational part of his psyche. She had broken their deal. The promise she'd made to him was worthless. 

"Damn it, Donna!" He slapped his hand down against the vinyl of the seat. Startled, the driver's eyes shot to the rearview mirror and then he turned around to inspect Josh. Josh stared back at him and then managed a strangled apology before turning to look out the window once again. 

Shame beset him and his remorse was instant. How could he blame Donna? How could he direct his rage towards her? She was at the hospital fighting for her life, and he had the gall to be mad at her. He was disgusting. 

It was his fault, not hers. What had he been thinking leaving her? He'd had this lesson before, hadn't he? Never turn your back; never let your guard down. Lulled by the worthless pact they'd made and his dangerous susceptibility to hope. That was a mistake he couldn't make again; he wouldn't make again. Not that it mattered, because the decision was made. He wasn't going to let Josh Lyman happen to Donna Moss again. 

*** 

The one useful thing about terror was that it came with an automatic supply of adrenaline. Under normal circumstances his exhaustion was such that he shouldn't have been able to even stand, but he hit the steps up to the hospital at a dead run. If it had been GW he would have known exactly where to go, but since it wasn't, he stopped at the information desk. 

When he entered the waiting room he found Dan Moss alone, slowly walking the length of the room, his hands on his hips. 

He turned to face Josh with a hard expression when he heard him enter the room. Josh, panting slightly, studied him, looking for clues. "Anything?" 

Donna's father just shook his head and went back to pacing. Josh felt his heart in his throat and the feeling of panic returned and started to engulf him. He leaned flat against the wall and closed his eyes. 

After a few minutes the older man spoke. "What are you doing?" 

Josh opened his eyes and looked over at him before pushing off the wall. "I find it calming." Without a care for what the man thought of him Josh continued. His voice took on an unemotional quality as if he were reciting from a script. "I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder stemming from when I was shot by white supremacists." He met the other man's gaze head on. "It's the reason Donna missed Christmas three years ago if you were wondering." 

Somewhere in the back of his mind Josh knew he must be in shock if he was talking about his PTSD it in such a removed, matter-of-fact manner with Donna's father. It was definitely not something he went around announcing to people, especially not to people whom he wanted to respect him. 

Dan just looked at him. "I wasn't. I know why Donna missed Christmas three years ago." 

"Oh..." Josh felt more surprise than his subdued demeanor betrayed. "She told you?" 

"No, she told her mother. Those two are very close; tell each other... almost everything. That's what makes it hard to understand why Donna hasn't told her mother what's going on between the two of you." 

Josh slumped into a chair and put his head into his hands. How could he tell Donna's parents that whatever was almost going on between the two of them wasn't anymore? 

He took a deep breath and looked her father in the eye. "You can stop worrying. There is nothing going on between us. I'm Donna's boss and her friend. That's it." 

  
Dan looked at him disbelieving, "It's not necessary to lie to me. If I've given you the impression that we'd... that I disapprove... that's not-" 

Josh looked him directly in the eye. A stare honed by years of meeting political opponents and besting them and simply said, "I wish I were lying." 

*** 

Before Josh arrived in the waiting room, Carolyn Moss had gone in search of coffee. It wasn't that she actually wanted coffee, but she needed to do something. Wandering aimlessly she found herself back at Donna's hospital room. She stood in the empty room lost in thought, until she was shaken out of it by the door opening. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was looking for a patient, Donna Moss?" 

"She's... I'm Donna's mother, can I help you?" 

"Oh." The woman smiled warmly as she studied her. "Of course you are, you look just like her... I'm Judith Lyman, Josh's-" 

"Mother," Carolyn finished for her. 

She nodded. Taking in the ashen appearance of the woman, her brow creased with concern. "I just got here. What's happened?" 

Carolyn just shook her head. When she found her voice it was hoarse and a bit stilted. "There was a complication..." 

Instantly Josh's mother was at her side, guiding her to a chair. 

*** 

When the two women returned, they found Dan still pacing and Josh sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. 

His mother immediately went to Josh's side and sat in the chair next to him. "Honey?" 

Josh slowly lifted his head. Now he was really losing it. He could have sworn he heard his mother's voice. He stared at her for a long minute while he processed that she was really sitting next to him. 

"Mom?" He didn't trust his eyes so he reached over and touched her arm. Nothing made sense; what was his mother doing here? "What are you doing here?" 

Still seated, she pulled him into a quick hug. "I wanted to be here for you and Donna." Pulling back, she noticed the way his blood shot eyes stood out against his abnormally pale skin. 

"How did you get here?" 

"I drove." 

"You drove..." Josh couldn't wrap his mind around it. "From Florida?" 

"Yes. Well, I spent last night at Sara and Nate Baker's house in Raleigh. Remember they were our neighbors in-" 

"You shouldn't drive that far." He interrupted. 

She ignored him. "How are you?" 

"I'm..." His mouth was open but nothing came out. 

"I see." She took a deep breath and set about trying to find a way to comfort her very anxious son. 

*** 

When Dan realized that Carolyn had returned from her mission with Josh's mom but without coffee, he was quickly introduced and then went in search of coffee for everyone himself. 

He had just returned when the door opened. They turned to look as a man walked briskly into the room and looked around. "Mr. Lyman?" 

The terror rose once again and threatened to choke Josh as soon as he heard his name. Even so, he immediately stood as the man introduced himself. "Hello, I'm Colonel Connolly, Chief of Staff, for the hospital. I wanted to update you on Miss Moss's ongoing procedure." 

Josh motioned behind him. "These are Donna's parents, Dan and Carolyn Moss." After a beat he continued, "And my mom Judith Lyman." 

He shook hands with them. "She's experienced a massive pulmonary embolism, which is quite serious, but since she was in the hospital and immediately diagnosed, I think we have reason to be optimistic." Josh let out the air that had been pent up in his lungs. "Unfortunately, because she's had surgery within the last five days, thrombolytic therapy, which is a drug treatment and non-invasive, was contraindicated." 

"What does that mean?" Josh asked anxiously. 

"It means instead she's undergoing a pulmonary embolectomy. The good news is that the procedure has come a long way and she's an excellent candidate. She's young, aside from her injuries she's in generally good health, and we caught it quickly before she went into cardiac arrest." 

Josh grabbed his chest as he felt it tighten at the words cardiac arrest. 

"Even better news is that with the placement of the clot, they are able to perform a catheter-directed pulmonary embolectomy, so instead of an invasive surgery, they are doing it in the Cardiac Cath lab with a local anesthetic." 

Mr. Moss interrupted. "Cath lab, like when I had my angioplasty?" 

"Yes. It's much less common, but the procedure is very similar to an angioplasty. They go in through the internal jugular vein and basically try and suction out the clot." 

While this did nothing to reassure Josh whatsoever, it seemed to calm her father considerably. He exhaled loudly. "That's great. That was nothing." 

Carolyn looked at him and retorted, "At the time, you didn't act like it was nothing..." 

"The recovery from the catheter is much easier than from surgery. It will be much less traumatic to her system." The Colonel smiled. "The procedure could last anywhere from another twenty minutes to several hours, it just depends on what they find." 

Carolyn stepped forward, "Thank you very much for updating us. We appreciate the quality of care she's getting and your personal attention." 

He shook her hand, "My pleasure. Maybe you could remind Mr. Lyman of that when he's haggling over the Federal Budget later this year." He smiled broadly at them. "Dr. Levine is actually a civilian on rotation here and he will be in to update you when the procedure is finished." 

Josh slumped into a chair and stared down at the carpet. 

His mother came to sit next to him and patted his arm. "That sounds like good news." 

Josh nodded but didn't look up. She tried to joke with him, "And apparently you and your politicking have bought her the best care possible." 

"He's talking to the wrong person." Josh mumbled. "If this year is anything like last year Donna will have a whole lot more input into the Budget than I..." His voice trailed off as he realized he had spoken as if Donna would be okay. Silently he cursed himself; if he'd learned anything today it was that he could never assume that everything would be all right. 

*** 

The procedure took another hour and a half, but was successful. Once Donna was resting in the recovery room, they were allowed in to see her. She was groggy, but awake. The three of them entered and her parents flocked to her side, but Josh stood back watching them. Thinking that if he could keep himself physically separate from her, then he could do it emotionally. 

He didn't get away with that for long. After several minutes she beckoned him over. 

Reluctantly, he came over to her bed. He smiled down at her, but it didn't reach his eyes. Fortunately, her normal powers of perception, which were exceptional when it came to reading Josh, were not firing on all cylinders. She was groggy, drugged and lying flat on her back. 

Her parents told her to get some rest and said they would be right across the hall if she needed anything. She looked up at Josh and in a weak voice asked, "Will you stay with me for awhile?" 

He nodded and sat on a stool next to the bed. Anguish clawed at his insides, his heart breaking as he began the impossible task of mentally extricating himself from her for her own good. 

With half-closed eyes, she peered up at him. "I'm sorry I scared you." 

Something twisted and wound tight inside him. Even as she lay there, after fighting for her life, she was thinking of him. She never ceased to amaze him. "You're going to be okay." 

"Are you okay?" 

"If you're okay, I'm okay." 

He watched her struggle to keep her eyes open and trained on him. "Close your eyes Donna," he whispered softly. 

"Don't want to." Her lips quirked upwards. 

"For me?" He asked, turning her earlier words around on her. 

"For you." She nodded slightly and he watched her drift off to sleep. 

As Josh sat vigil beside her bed, the events of the day manifested and swirled together to create a perfect storm of emotions that sent him over the edge. Feeling his heart splitting into two irreparable halves, suffering from acute exhaustion and spent from the seesaw between terror and relief, the dam broke. Gently picking up her hand, he kissed the back of it as a lump formed in his throat and hot tears stung his eyes. He bent his head over his hands and for the first time in years, he really and truly cried. 

Judith and Carolyn stood outside the recovery room window. Judith's hand flew to her mouth when she saw Josh break down. For a long moment they stood there, too shaken to move as the scene played out before them. Carolyn gulped air and touched the other woman's shoulder. "Let's give... some privacy..." 

Josh's mom nodded and they turned and walked back across to the waiting room. They sat in silence for several long minutes. Donna's mother finally broke the quiet. "Your son told Dan that nothing is going on between them..." 

Judith looked at her with a wan smile. "It's what he told me, too." 

"Do you believe him?" 

"Well... I believe that they haven't been carrying on a romantic relationship." 

"If I've ever seen a man more clearly in love, I don't know when." 

Judith nodded. "Yes. I agree. And not that I didn't already know, but he's admitted as much to me... and I believe they were finally contemplating taking that next step." 

"Then why..." 

"I'm afraid he blames himself for Donna's injures." 

"I don't understand..." 

"He sent her on the trip." A simple explanation despite the complex situation. 

Carolyn shook her head. "He had no way of knowing..." 

"I know that and you know that and... even he knows that... but it's complicated. He has a tendency towards guilt when things happen to people that he loves." 

"We certainly don't blame him. Donna was really excited about the opportunity to go. Certainly, he wouldn't let some misplaced guilt dictate his future? Her future..." 

"He might," his mother replied ruefully. "And I didn't mention it earlier, but Josh's father died of a pulmonary embolism, so it might be a bit much for him to deal with at the moment." 

Carolyn's hand pressed against her chest. "Oh, my, I'm so sorry. I think I knew that... this can't be easy for you either." 

Judith shook her head. "I'm fine. It's Josh... and Donna I'm worried about." 

"These kids..." Carolyn shook her head to clear it. "It's a good thing we're here. It sounds like they might need some help." 

Judith looked at her hesitantly for a minute. Then a smile spread across her face, "Yes, they might at that..." 


	9. Without Warning 9

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

"Is this the room?" She asked, looking up and down the hallway of the hospital. 

"What number did they give you at the desk?" 

"312." 

"Well it says 312 on the door. Do you think there are two rooms numbered 312?" He said with a twinge of annoyance. But as it was the same twinge of annoyance that was always in his voice, she wasn't sure if he was currently annoyed with her or just being himself. 

She turned to look at him. "So what you're saying is, this is the room." 

"That is what I'm saying." 

"Should we just go in?" 

"Why else are we here?" He stared at her curiously. 

"I'm not sure that it's visiting hours yet," she stalled. 

"What time do visiting hours start?" 

"Eight." 

"What time is it?" 

She glanced at her watch. "Ten to eight." 

"We're probably safe." He started to push the door open. 

"Wait," she said haltingly. 

"What?" 

"What do we say?" 

"What do you mean, what do we say?" He looked at her like she had grown a goiter the size of Vermont over the last few minutes. 

"I mean she's been through... a lot. Shouldn't we know what we're going to say to her?" 

He furrowed his brow. "You're the Press Secretary for the President of the United States... I'm his Communications Director... I'm sure we'll think of something on the fly." 

"Right." CJ took a deep breath. She didn't know why she was so nervous to see Donna. Except she knew she wasn't really comfortable around people who were sick. She never knew how to comfort them or tell them how sorry she was that they were hurt or ill without it sounding hollow coming from somebody able bodied and healthy. All of a sudden it hit her: that was why people brought gifts. "We didn't bring anything." 

"What?" Toby asked perplexed. 

"Bring anything. She's in the hospital; we need to bring her something." 

"I'm sure she doesn't care whether we bring her anything or not-" 

"When you visit someone in the hospital, you have to bring a gift. It says, 'I'm sorry you're sick, please accept this meaningless piece of crap I paid double for at the hospital gift shop as a sign of my affection and in place of the meaningless platitudes I would be spouting if I was cheap.' It's perfect." 

"CJ-" Toby shook his head. 

She grabbed his sleeve, "We're going to the gift shop. By the time we come back it'll be time for visiting hours." 

Reluctantly he let her pull him away. 

*** 

Ten minutes later they were once again making their way towards room 312. 

"Why do you get the plant and I'm carrying a giant pink teddy bear?" Toby asked from behind a mountain of fluffy pink fur. 

"Because." CJ smiled to herself. "I know Donna. She loves pink and she loves teddy bears. So, you know, you'll want to be the one holding that." 

He just grunted. 

When they got there they ran smack into a woman coming out of Donna's room. They stared at one another for a moment, before recognition hit. 

"You're CJ Cregg..." 

"Yes." CJ nodded and smiled. When she didn't continue speaking, CJ looked at her expectantly. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Carolyn Moss... Donna's mom." 

"Of course." CJ juggled the plant so she could reach over and shake Carolyn's hand. "I should have recognized you from the picture on Donna's desk... except I could have mistaken you for her sister." 

"What a kind thing to say. It's so nice to meet you. Donna has told me the most wonderful things about you. She really admires and respects you." 

"Really?" CJ blushed. "That's very-" 

Toby cleared his throat from behind the pink mound. "How's Donna?" 

CJ pointed to Toby. "This is Toby Ziegler." 

Donna's mom greeted him before continuing. "Well she's awake. The nurse is in with her right now. As soon as she's done you can go in, should just be a minute. I'm sure she'll be excited to see you. You'll want to keep your voices down, though, as Josh is sleeping." 

"Josh is sleeping in there?" CJ asked, a little taken aback. She expected to find Josh there, but not sleeping in Donna's room. 

"Yes, he, well, all of us... had a really tough night." 

"What happened?" Toby asked. 

"There was a complication. She had a pulmonary embolism... a blood clot, it's quite serious and they had to go in and get it." 

"Oh, no!" CJ's hand flew to her mouth. "We didn't know." 

"The procedure was over at about 10:30 last night, she came through it well and they moved her back here about 1am. I think one of the reasons they moved her out of recovery so soon is that Josh wouldn't leave. The hospital staff has been very nice; they actually brought in a bed for him to sleep on." 

"So she's okay?" CJ asked carefully. 

"Yes, I just got here - we wanted to be close so we're staying at the hotel down the street - I've only seen her for a few minutes, but she's alert and says she isn't any worse for the wear." 

Just then the nurse exited and Carolyn nodded for them to enter. CJ shook her head. "No you should go..." 

"Don't be silly. I'll be here all day and besides I need to talk to the nurse." 

**** 

Donna was expecting her mom back in the room when she saw the door open. A huge smile spread across her face when she realized that it was actually CJ and a huge pink teddy bear coming to pay her a visit. 

Coming to stand by her side, CJ asked in hushed tones, "How are you feeling?" 

"Okay, considering. The nurse just let me raise the bed so I could sit up a little; I've been flat on my back all night, so this is a real treat." She smiled and then with a note of laughter in her whisper, asked CJ, "Who's your friend?" 

"Hi, Donna, this is a... get-well gift from CJ and me." He set the bear down on the counter by the window. 

"Thanks." Donna rewarded him with a small grin. 

"Actually, Toby picked out the bear, the plant is from me." CJ smirked. 

Toby stared at her with an open mouth. "Traitor." He looked back to Donna. "Sounds like you had a pretty rough night?" 

"I think it was actually rougher on other people than on me." She motioned to Josh, who was sleeping soundly on a bed in the corner. 

"I see. You don't want to wake him?" 

"No." Donna said emphatically. "I think that this is the first time he's actually laid down since he got to Germany. Any rest he's gotten has been in chairs or standing up. He told me he would sleep on the plane before we left yesterday, but I'm sure that he didn't... I want him to sleep as long as possible." 

CJ and Toby exchanged a glance. 

CJ looked back to Donna, "I think I'm just going to speak to your doctor and then call Carol with an update on your condition. We'll include the information at the ten o' clock briefing." 

"You're updating the press on my condition?" Donna asked, sounding perplexed. "Why would they care?" CJ looked to Toby. 

Toby nodded at her, "I'll explain, go ahead." 

"I'll stop back by to see you." Donna smiled at her and CJ left the room 

"So..." Toby came to sit in the chair next to her bed and gave her one of his rare smiles, "You gave a lot of people a pretty big scare." 

Donna nodded slowly and then turned to him. "How's Andi? Josh told me that she was fine but-" 

"She was pretty shaken up, but she's back and she's doing okay... concerned about you..." He sighed. "She wanted to come with me this morning, but she just couldn't get away." Donna nodded in understanding as he continued, "There's a lot going on right now, I'm not sure how much you're aware of..." 

"Well, Josh had CNN on all the time in Germany, but with the morphine and the pain I didn't pay too much attention and he really didn't talk about what's going on. I know there are peace talks coming up..." 

He took a deep breath, "There are basically two news stories right now. The bombing and the upcoming peace talks, and you..." He gave a rueful chuckle, "are the human interest angle. A lot of people are interested in your story." 

"I don't have a story." Donna shook her head slightly. "I was in a car. It exploded and the next thing I knew, I was in Germany. There is no story." 

"You're the pretty blonde that survived. You don't need to worry. CJ and I, and I'm certain, Josh, will protect you from it. But I want you to understand that there is a lot of attention being focused on you. We already have dozens of requests for interviews. But we won't even think about that until you're feeling much stronger." 

Donna was flabbergasted. People wanted to interview her... to write about her. She couldn't wrap her mind around it; it was beyond her imagination. 

"Well, I'm going to let you get some rest." He stood and looked down on her. "CJ and I were the... uh... official ambassadors, but the President told me to tell you that everyone at the White House is thinking about you." 

"Thanks." She was still thinking about people being interested in her story, when something occurred to her. "Toby?" She called for him in hushed tones as he made his way for the door. 

He turned back and came closer to the bed. "When you said that everyone at the White House is thinking about me, it reminded me. Josh told me about the gossip." He nodded so she continued, "Is it going to be... is it going to be bad for him?" 

Toby grimaced. "No, of course not. Don't worry about that, Donna. Josh can handle it. The only two people whose opinions matter are Josh's boss and his boss..." Toby smiled. "And they know... well I don't know what they know, but they're on your side. " 

She heaved a sigh of relief. As much as they joked about it she knew that even idle gossip could devastate someone's career in Washington, and it would destroy her if that happened to Josh because of them... because of her. As Toby reached the door to leave, it opened. He nodded at the woman who entered and continued out the door. 

"Judy!" In her excitement Donna spoke more loudly than she intended. Her eyes went wide and she glanced over at Josh to make sure she didn't wake him. 

"Hi, dear." Judith made her way over to the bed, sparing a sideways glance at the sleeping form of her son. 

Donna lazily reached out a hand to her. "I didn't know you were here." 

"I got here last night after you, well, after." She patted her arm and smiled down at her. "How do you feel this morning?" 

"About the same as I did before." 

"Which is..." Judith gave her a pointed look. 

"There's a lot of pain," Donna replied honestly. 

Judy gave her a sympathetic look and lightly squeezed her hand. "All I can tell you is eventually it will go away." 

Donna nodded. "How did you get here?" 

"I drove." 

Donna nodded. "I remember you saying you wanted to drive up sometime." 

"Yes, I did, under different circumstances." 

"Did Josh know you were coming? He didn't say anything..." 

"He would have told me not to come." When she smiled her brown eyes reminded Donna of Josh's. "But he told me they were hoping to transfer you here as soon as possible. So I just decided to head this direction. Actually, when I set out, I thought I'd get here before you, but you beat me." 

"Well he would have told you to fly. Josh doesn't want you driving all this way." Donna scolded on Josh's behalf. 

"I know, but I took my time. I stopped in-" 

"At the Bakers' in Charleston?" Donna interjected. 

Judith smiled. "Raleigh... I'm impressed with your memory." 

"You told me what your plan was." 

"I did. So..." Judith gave Donna motherly smile. "I'm not surprised to find that my son won't leave your side, but I'm surprised that you aren't surprised by it." 

Donna looked up at her in confusion. "I'm sorry. I don't understand..." 

"It just seems like a lot of devotion for a boss to have for his assistant." Judith grinned at her. 

Even with all the medication coursing through her system, Donna still managed a blush. "I... we... well, you know we're friends too, right?" 

"Of course I do... friends." She repeated enjoying Donna's blush. 

"Was he okay? Last night, I mean... I know how he gets," Donna asked anxiously, knowing she was talking to the only other person who really understood Josh. 

"He... was a little shaken," Judith hedged, thinking of his complete breakdown at her bedside the night before. 

"Yeah?" Donna glanced over at him, worry knotting her features. 

"But he wouldn't want you to worry about him." She followed Donna's gaze towards Josh. "And I think a good night's sleep will do him a world of good." 


	10. Without Warning 10

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

"So, your father just left, he's already gone searching for a hardware store this morning. He's thinking ahead to what he'll need to do to your apartment to make it more comfortable for you." 

Donna nodded her head slightly, but didn't look at her. "That sounds like Daddy." 

Carolyn sat by her daughter's bedside and observed her carefully. No matter what they whispered about or what was on the TV that flickered from above her bed, Donna kept her eyes trained on the sleeping figure in the corner of the room. 

"While you nap later, Judith and I are going to go over to both yours and Josh's places to pack some stuff you might need." 

"Good. Thanks." 

"CJ Cregg seems very nice. I was actually a little star struck when I saw her." 

"Really? Star struck?" The concept of someone being star struck by CJ struck Donna as, well, really funny, but still her eyes didn't budge from Josh. 

For a parent it can sometimes be a balancing act, knowing how far to pry into your kids' personal lives. Taking that into consideration, Carolyn decided to introduce the topic of the completely visible purple elephant in the room as slyly as she knew how, which happened to be just by coming out and saying his name. "So... Josh." 

"Hmm?" Donna finally dragged her gaze from Josh at the tone of her mom's voice. 

"Josh," her mother repeated simply. 

"What about him?" 

Carolyn quirked an eyebrow at her. "I've never seen a boss so devoted to his assistant before." 

Heat rose in Donna's cheeks as a pink flush spread across her face. It was the second time in an hour that those words had been spoken to her. "It's just... we... I'm not sure devoted is the right-" 

"He flew to Germany, stayed by your side the entire time and last night he was... devastated. He wouldn't leave you in recovery. If devoted isn't the right word, I'm not sure there is a right word," she said plainly. 

"He's my boss..." Donna's answer was insufficient even to her own ears, but it was an automatic response, conditioned by years of making excuses and living in denial. 

"Honey, he's not just your boss... or even just your friend." 

"I know." Donna's eyes were bright and once again she blushed, this time to the roots of her hair. 

"Then what is he?" 

"I don't know," she answered in a small voice. 

"What do you want him to be?" Her mother asked indulgently. 

"What do I want him to be?" Donna was silent for a moment before answering. She let her eyes wander back to Josh and felt her stomach flutter at the sight of him curled up on the portable bed, still wearing his jeans and T-shirt. His arm clutched a pillow and even though he was lying down, she could tell his hair was sticking out in every direction. Her breathing hiccupped despite the oxygen that was constantly flowing into her system; she returned her gaze to her mother and stared her directly in the eye. "Everything. I want us to be everything." 

*** 

"So she's out of the woods now?" Leo had been stunned to learn of Donna's late night complications. 

"Yes, the doctor feels confident, but did say that she is still at risk for more clotting, so they'll be aggressively pursuing preventative measures." 

"Oh, Lord... as if she hadn't been through enough." He shook his head. "And Josh?" 

CJ and Toby just looked at one another, each trying with their eyes to get the other to tackle that sticky topic. 

"Well he was there..." CJ said with a sigh, losing the battle. 

"And he's doing all right?" 

"We didn't actually get the chance to talk to him," Toby answered. 

"Why?" Leo looked up from his desk, puzzled. 

"Well, he was asleep..." CJ began. 

"On a bed that the hospital brought into her room because he wouldn't leave her side," Toby finished quietly. 

Leo opened his eyes wide. "I see. I can't say that surprises me." 

"We're past the point of no return with them, Leo," Toby's voice was serious. "But Josh knows; he told me several days ago that she can't come back to work for him. Although he claims it's because she was going to be leaving anyway... not 'cause of the other thing." 

CJ looked sheepish. "That's true. Donna and I... uh... talked before she left. She was looking for... for other opportunities to advance." 

Toby turned on her curiously and Leo surveyed them both. "Well, with all the attention fixed on Donna, we need her to come back to work here. I'll put some thought into where we might promote her." 

"The thing is..." CJ began. "Regarding the interest in Donna, I gotta think somebody's going to make this into a story." 

"Really?" Leo looked surprised. 

"Well, there's already gossip. He left to be with her in Germany, now an entire hospital staff knows that the Deputy Chief of Staff is living in his assistant's hospital room; it's not that big of a leap..." She trailed off. 

"I agree," Toby replied as he looked down at his hands. "But working for us is the fact that with the way Donna was injured, on the bi-partisan Codel, the Republicans have no interest in trying to scandalize her. So, while I do think it's a story, I don't think it will hurt us. It's just potentially embarrassing for them as well as being a colossal invasion of their privacy." 

Leo looked at CJ. "Maybe a tabloid, but surely nobody reputable would make anything of it..." 

"It's an interesting angle..." She shrugged. "It's what takes her story from one page in People magazine to a whole other TV-movie-of the-week level. "Terror Attack... International incident... High-profile people are killed... A beautiful young woman who works in the White House is the sole survivor. Her powerful boss - who happens to be the guy that was shot - rushes to her bedside. They fall in love." 

Leo looked a little sick. "Well when you put it like that..." 

"Yeah?" CJ asked. 

"I think it's going to be a thing." 

"Yeah." CJ nodded. 

"Yup." Toby agreed. 

"What do you want to do?" 

"What we always do. Try and control the story. Protect them as much as possible..." CJ sighed and then looked at Leo questioningly. "If it comes to that, we're going to show them support... right?" 

"A hundred percent, but you better talk to Josh. Find out what were supporting," Leo ordered. 

CJ nodded and stared down at her shoe, already dreading the task like it was a tax audit. 

"And also find out when he's coming back to work. I don't want to push him, but I want to know if I have him on these peace talks." 

Toby spoke. "Donna told us he hadn't slept anywhere but in a chair in her room since he got to Germany. I don't know how much good he's going to be..." 

"It's Josh. He'll pull it together." Leo said simply. 

Just then Margaret opened the door. "CJ, Carol wanted you to know that there was something you should see." 

*** 

When Josh woke, he had no idea where he was. The muscles in his back were tight from lying in one spot for too long. He reached up to stretch and brought his wrist down right in front of his eyes so he could check the time: 11:00am. What was he doing sleeping until that hour? Suddenly he froze and panic washed over him. Practically flipping his body off the bed in one motion, his eyes immediately found Donna. 

His heart had hit his throat the moment he remembered the events of the night before. But when he saw her, his breathing began to slowly return to normal. She was sleeping; appeared to be resting peacefully. He stared at her for several minutes, finding it hard to believe that she was actually okay. He didn't move towards her, but he couldn't take his eyes off of her. 

Finally, he shook his head, trying to clear it; he rubbed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair. Quickly he calculated how long he'd been out... just over nine hours. He'd never slept for nine hours in his entire life. Even when he was recovering, he slept a lot, but in short bursts, never for such a long stretch. 

He would have stood there all day, but Mother Nature nagged him. Looking around, he found his backpack so he could also brush his teeth and headed into the bathroom. 

When he returned, he stood and leaned against the wall at the end of her bed as he mulled over the last 24 hours. This time yesterday he'd been on a plane from Germany, heartened by the revelation that he was a total incompetent when it came to falling out of love with her and bolstered by the thought that he wouldn't need to. Now he stood, having learned the harsh lesson that he didn't have the luxury of incompetence. A dull ache permeated his very being; losing her might be the greatest hardship yet to befall him. How ironic that the most poignant tragedy of all would be of his own design; the only calamity in his misfortune-prone existence that was within his power to reverse. But he had to think of what was best for Donna and he knew, without a doubt, it wasn't him. 

Josh didn't know how long he stood there. In his mind it could have been an hour, but in truth it was only about fifteen minutes. 

Once she opened her eyes, they instantly searched for him on the bed in the corner. She felt her heart rate increase when she didn't find him there. She sighed with relief when she finally spotted him leaning against the wall near the foot of her bed. "Hey." 

"Hey..." His voice was soft. He came to stand at the end of her bed, but not closer. Every fiber of his being screamed to be nearer to her, to touch her, but he was resolved. 

"You're awake..." She stated the obvious. 

"So are you. How do you feel?" He tried to smile at her. 

"Okay. Did you sleep well?" 

He nodded his answer, but crossed his arms across his chest as if the action could close his heart off from her. 

"Your mom left some food for you." She motioned to the counter. "I think it's a sandwich and some fruit... a bottle of water." 

He knew he should be hungry. Looking over to the counter where she pointed, his attention was suddenly captured by the monstrosity of a pink teddy bear that sat by the window. How had he not noticed that before? "What in the hell is that?" 

"Toby and CJ were here." 

"And they brought you that... thing?" 

"Actually, CJ brought the plant; she said the bear was from Toby. I think it's cute..." Donna smiled. 

Josh allowed himself a smirk, but his eyes stayed trained on the bear. "I've always suspected that Toby has a soft spot for you." He paused, a beat, before frowning. "I slept through Toby and CJ?" 

"Yes..." She smiled. "And through your mom, my parents, three doctors, several visits from the nurse..." 

"So, we can conclude I was tired." His lips quirked involuntarily and he allowed himself to look at her, but he stayed at the end of her bed. 

"Yes, I guess you were." She frowned at him. "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," he replied quickly. "Where is everybody?" 

"My dad is, I don't know... oh yeah, out looking for a hardware store. Apparently he's already planning alterations to my apartment." She smiled before continuing. "I think my mom was going to get me some ice cream, I don't know if she's done that or not already, and then our moms are going to our apartments to gather some stuff they think we might need. I hope your place isn't a mess. You don't have any porn lying around, do you?" 

When that failed to elicit a response other than a faint smile, she examined him curiously. "Seriously, what's wrong?" 

He tried to force a smile. "It's nothing. I'm glad they-" 

"Josh!" Donna interrupted as she grabbed the remote and turned up the volume on the television. Arms still crossed, he moved to the side so he could look up at the screen. 

"Oh, my God..." 

*** 

Judith and Carolyn were just returning from their ice cream errand when it happened. Walking towards the entrance to the hospital, they passed a young woman going the other direction. She stopped as they approached. "Are you Donna Moss's mother?" Carolyn nodded without thinking. 

Before they knew what was happening, reporters and television cameras were hounding them in front of the hospital. They seemed to swarm out of nowhere and suddenly questions were being hurled at Carolyn like bullets. 

"Have you spoken with the President? Are you happy with how he's handling the situation? Is Donna out of danger? When did you arrive? What's the extent of Donna's injuries? Do you want retribution? Have you spoken with anyone at the White House? What does your daughter remember? Is Donna in favor of the peace talks? How are Donna's spirits? Have you been in contact with the families of the other victims?" 

Carolyn stood frozen, an overwhelmed deer caught in the fill lights of the cameras. They hadn't moved quickly enough and now they were surrounded. Judith took one look at Carolyn, who couldn't seem to move or talk, and took over. After all, she'd been the wife of a prominent New York attorney and the mother of a high-profile politician who had been the center of a lot of media coverage. 

She put out her hand to silence the onslaught before speaking. "The Moss's are only thinking of their daughter's recovery at this time. They thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers and ask for privacy as Donna continues to recuperate." 

Judith started to move Carolyn through the reporters and towards the safety of the building. 

"Who are you?" Somebody called out. 

Judith looked back at them. "A friend of the family." Quickly she ushered Carolyn through the hospital doors. 

*** 

"I saw that woman at the hospital this morning," Toby said as they stood watching the monitors. "She looks familiar." 

"This is not good." CJ put her fingers to her temple and squeezed. 

"Why?" Toby asked curiously. "She handled it well... didn't say anything inappropriate." 

"It's not good, because that is Judith Lyman," Leo answered, his eyes not leaving the screen. 

"Oh..." Understanding dawned on Toby. 

"And putting two and two together just became that much easier," CJ murmured. "I hope he's ready for the heat." 


	11. Without Warning 11

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

Judith stuck her head in the door of the room and found Josh and Donna watching her sound bite on the news. They'd switched from CNN to MSNBC and sure enough it was playing on that channel too. 

"They're awake." She ushered Carolyn into the room. 

"Mom! Are you okay?" Donna asked anxiously from the bed. Carolyn nodded slowly and came to stand by the bed. "Sit down." Donna ordered and her mom complied. 

Josh nodded to the television and looked at his mom, "When did this happen?" 

"Maybe fifteen minutes ago, on our way into the building. Once inside, we stopped to... collect ourselves." She glanced over at Carolyn, "They came at us... I didn't even realize they were there until they were on top of us." 

Josh glared angrily up at the screen. His hands were firmly planted on his hips and tension radiated off of him. 

"I'm sorry, Josh... I know I shouldn't talk to the press, but-" 

Instantly his face softened. "Oh, no, no, you were fine. Actually, you did great, but I should have warned you... I didn't think. I don't want you to have to deal with that." He looked at Carolyn, "Does Dan have a cell phone on him? We should warn him to go in another entrance when he comes back." 

Carolyn nodded, "I just didn't expect that. They were all shouting questions and there were so many of them. The day before we left, there were a couple of cameras from the local stations camped on our sidewalk at home. But I was able to drive past them into the garage, and they didn't come on the property. People are nicer in Wisconsin..." 

"I'm gonna go in." Josh announced. "See if there is anything CJ can do to keep them off of you. I'll be back in a couple of hours." Without thinking he walked over to Donna's bed and quickly kissed her on the temple before turning to leave. 

Mentally he froze as he realized what he'd just done; somehow he was able to force his legs to keep walking. He didn't mean to do that. In all the excitement he'd forgotten who he was and what he could and couldn't do and what distance he was supposed to keep from Donna. 

Once outside of her room, he stopped and leaned against the wall. "Damn!" He muttered under his breath as he scrubbed his hand through his hair. He truly was the most incompetent man on the planet. 

Josh made it all the way to the front doors of the hospital before stopping cold. He didn't know exactly what prevented him from going through the doors; but he knew that suddenly his legs felt like jelly and he was a tad light headed. Something deep inside wouldn't let him leave the hospital, wouldn't let him leave her. It had been less than 24 hours since the last time he left the hospital and without a doubt he knew he couldn't take that chance again so soon. 

Turning around he started back down the hall. He couldn't go back to her room. What would he say? There was no explanation, that didn't make him look either like a neurotic old woman or a man passionately in love. Neither excuse worked for him. He took the elevator back up to the third floor, but instead of turning right towards her room, he headed left towards the waiting room. 

Once inside he sighed with relief to find that he had the room to himself. He felt better just being back on the same floor as her. His stomach rumbled. Crossing to the vending machines in the corner he got himself a soda and some chips and took out his cell phone and dialed. 

"CJ Cregg's office." 

"Carol, its Josh, is CJ around?" He sat at a table. One hand clutching his cell phone to his ear; the other rubbed at his eyes roughly. 

"Josh! How's Donna?" Josh sighed inwardly at Carol's inquiry. He knew it was only natural for people to ask; in fact he'd be upset if they didn't care enough to ask. Still, it was another good reason not to go back to the White House. He knew he probably wouldn't make it a foot without getting a dozen questions about her and he didn't know how many times he could say she was okay. Because she wasn't okay and every time he said it he felt the truth even more. She was lying in a hospital, broken and hurt. 

"She's hanging in there." 

"Do you think it would be all right if I came for a visit? I don't want to overwhelm her, but-" 

"I think she'd love to see you. She's going to be here for at least several more days, tomorrow or over the weekend would be fine." 

"Good. I'll do that. I'm so relieved she's okay, we've all been so worried-" 

"Carol, I hate to... but is CJ around... I just have to-" 

"Sure. Sorry. I'll put you through... tell her I'm thinking about her?" 

"Of course." His voice was conciliatory. "Thanks Carol. I'll tell her you're going to come for a visit." 

"Great, here's CJ." 

He heard the familiar click and then CJ's voice, "Sleeping Beauty is that you?" 

Josh rolled his eyes, but actually smiled. "Very nice." 

"Seriously, you are absolutely adorable when you're unconscious. I'm surprised you haven't been cast in one of those sleep number commercials." 

"Okay, you can have one more before we discuss why my mother ended up on television this morning." 

"Ahh. So you saw it?" 

"Yes." 

She sighed, "I'm afraid it's going to get worse before it gets better." 

"Is there anything we can do about that?" Josh asked a definite edge in his voice. 

"We should sit down and talk about it. I don't suppose there's any chance of you coming in for a-" 

He cut her off, "I... I can't... not today at least...I just..." 

"That's okay." CJ said quickly. "Actually, it's almost lunch time. Why don't I pick up some sandwiches and we can discuss it over lunch?" 

"Okay... yeah," He looked down at his dismal chips, "That sounds good." 

"Should I meet you in Donna's room?" 

"No." He replied hastily. 

"But you're there." 

"No... yes. At the hospital, not in her room." For some reason he fessed up, "Actually, she thinks I'm there." 

"If she thinks you're here... why can't you be here?" CJ asked confused. 

"I just can't." His tone didn't brook any opposition. 

"Okay." CJ was puzzled but agreed, "That's fine, where should I go?" 

"Come to the third flood waiting room. And can you make mine a roast beef? I need some red meat." 

*** 

"Can't you do something about this? Isn't this your job?" The conversation had started pleasantly enough, but Josh had gotten more and more aggravated as the topic turned to the media's interest in Donna. He paced behind CJ. 

"Josh..." CJ tried to interrupt. 

"You can't keep innocent people from being ambushed?" 

"Josh." CJ was a little more pointed this time. 

"Seriously, how the hell did you let this happen!?" 

"Josh!" Finally he stopped pacing and looked over at her. 

"It's a public walkway into the hospital. And no I can't control the media or is this your first day in public service?" 

Chastised he looked at the ground. "Sorry. I just..." He inhaled sharply and sat back down. "Don't want Donna or her family to go through any more then they already have..." 

"I know. Me neither... but there's a lot of interest in Donna. Every major news outlet wants to talk to her-" 

"No way." Josh cut her off harshly and his eyes flared, "No way, anyone is coming near her." 

"Of course not until she's more recovered and feeling up to it-" 

"No. Not at all." His voice was adamant. 

"Josh, I don't think that's wise." 

"Why? They'll lose interest and move on..." 

She took a deep breath, "I don't think they will. The reason I think this is that I think *you* are about to become a part of this story." 

His expression was unreadable, but his heart sped up. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean you and Donna." She stared at him willing him to take her meaning so she wouldn't have to explain further. 

"Why?" Since Josh was not a stupid man, and was, actually, quite savvy he knew exactly what she meant, but that didn't mean he wanted to admit it. 

"Josh." CJ's voice was similar to one she might use with a small child who was trying to understand a simple problem. 

"There's no story here." 

"There's gossip. Because of the way you left and now you're living in her hospital room and... well just because you're you and Donna." 

"CJ, there's always gossip-" 

"Yes, but now it's an interesting angle to the biggest news story of the year. Josh, you're one of the most famous names in government because of Rosslyn, you know this. Your assistant is front and center right now because she's the beautiful young woman who survived the terrorist attack that claimed the lives of some very important people. You rush to her side when she's injured... it's a love story." 

"It's not a love story. We're not in love."  But he said it softly, staring down at his hands. 

"Josh..."  CJ looked at him hard, trying to figure out where he was coming from. "This isn't a problem. Leo's already looking for a place to promote Donna out from under your direct supervision." 

"That's not what I'm worried about." He answered honestly. 

"Then what?" CJ was entirely confused. 

"In love, implies two people who are well, in love with one another." His voice was hoarse. 

"And that's not you and Donna?"  She asked slowly.  "You're not in love with her?" 

"That's not the point." Josh dodged the question. 

"You are." CJ nodded knowingly, "Then what are you talking about, because-" 

"I don't know what Donna is." He interrupted briskly. 

"Don't you?" CJ lifted an eyebrow at him, incredulous, at his density. 

"No. And we're not going to make a story out of something that isn't going to happen." 

"Not going to happen?" She shook her head; this was not what she expected from this meeting. 

"No. Donna and I are not going to happen. We are close friends and that is it." Saying the words tore holes in his heart. 

"Is this some sort of insecurity thing, because you don't know how Donna feels? Because I've got to tell you, I'm pretty sure she's on the same-" 

"No, that's not it."  He admitted. "CJ, this is personal. This is Donna's life, this is my life. It's private and I have my reasons. I can't sit here and discuss Donna with you and you're one of my best friends, no way am I able or willing to take it to a larger audience." 

She sighed, "You can sit in denial all you want about what's going on here, but the way it looks is the way it looks, Josh." 

"I don't give a damn what people think it looks like." 

"You're the one who wants to protect Donna and her family from the press, the only way to do that and protect yourself, is to take control and give them enough of what they want so they leave you alone." 

"So you want me paint some happily ever after picture so we can spin this story? No way. I won't have Donna used like that. Not gonna happen." He felt a vein throbbing in his temple. That probably wasn't a good sign. He took several deep breaths trying to calm down. 

CJ knew she wasn't getting anyway and changed the subject for the time being. "We're announcing the specifics on the Camp David peace talks at the afternoon briefing. They start next week. Leo wants to know if we have you on them." 

Work. Maybe the problem was that he was so focused on her, that he couldn't distance himself. Hell he couldn't even think straight and apparently half the town thought he was some sort of love sick lunatic. Work would be something else to focus on, and besides it was next week, not tomorrow. 

He looked her in the eye, "Yes." 

*** 

Josh wandered back towards Donna's hospital room at about four o'clock. He ran into the Moss's and his mother and their way down the hall. His mom handed him a bag, apparently she'd made it to his apartment. She'd also checked out of her hotel and moved into his guest room. His mom was leaving for the evening, but Dan and Carolyn said they would be back after dinner. 

When he entered the room, he found her asleep. He slipped into the chair by her bed and as he'd done so many times over the last week, he watched her sleep. He felt his heart twist at the sight of her resting peacefully and took great comfort in watching her chest rise and fall each time she completed a successful breath. Consciously he knew he shouldn't indulge like this, he needed to put more space between them, but he also knew while she slept his actions broke only his own heart, they didn't risk hers. 

It didn't actually take him that long to notice the most ostentatious new addition to the numerous items from well-wishers that adorned the room. On the table right next to her bed was a very large floral arrangement that hadn't been there earlier. Josh felt his spine stiffen involuntarily. A quick glance convinced him she was still sound asleep. Quietly he got up and found the card to the arrangement. Quickly he pulled it out of the envelope as he watched her face. He didn't really think she'd mind if he checked the card, but doing it while she slept felt a little like he was invading her privacy. He did it anyway. 

Freeing the card, he just had time to glance at it when he heard her moan. Quickly he stuffed the card back in the envelope and immediately was at her side. He saw her grimace; gently he reached down and held her hand and that seemed to calm her. Part of him wondered if he should wake her so she could take more pain medication, but he dismissed that, because as he knew from experience, if the pain got to be too much it would wake her on its own. 

When she appeared to be still again, he sat back down and stared at the flowers. He'd seen all he needed to see when he glanced at the card. A name. Jack. They were from Jack. It was irrational he knew, but he stewed. He wanted to be angry with her, but he couldn't. She couldn't help it if an ex-boyfriend sent her flowers. But still it made him wonder. They really hadn't talked about it, he didn't know if she was still in contact with him. Flowers like that seemed to suggest they might be. Vaguely he also knew that if he couldn't be with her then she deserved to be with somebody, but he couldn't or wouldn't let that thought come to fruition. 

About half an hour later Donna woke to find Josh watching the ticker on Headline News, the sound muted. 

"Anything interesting?" She still felt groggy from sleep. 

Josh turned to her, checking for signs of pain or discomfort before he replied. "The details for the peace talks have been set. They start next week at Camp David." 

"Are they going to need you?" 

He smiled ruefully over at her, "Yes." 

"Because you're a very important man." She winced as she said it. 

"Are you okay?" He asked anxiously, "You seemed to have some pain while you were sleeping." 

"I'm fine..." She saw the look in his eye, "Really." 

He took her at her word. Trying to sound casual, he motioned to the flowers, "So those are new." 

"Yes, they came this afternoon." She smiled, "They're pretty aren't they?" 

"Who are they from?" He spit the words through a forced smile. 

"Jack. An apology of sorts... I guess." She looked over at them thoughtfully. 

"An apology..." Josh's mind automatically went to the night of the Inauguration and the way that bastard had let her fall on the sword for him. 

"He thinks this will make up for it? Now?" 

"Well, it's a nice gesture, but really not necessary. I don't blame him." 

"You don't blame him? Why not?" 

Donna furrowed her brow, "Because... that would be ridiculous. But it probably made him feel better to send them, so..." 

"Make him feel better? Who the hell cares about making him feel better? Besides this is way too little, and what I hope is, way too late." 

She looked at him like she was seeing him for the first time, "I didn't think you believed in that stuff? Nevertheless, I'll call him tomorrow and put his mind at ease. Invite him to come by for a visit." 

Josh's face went red, "So you're going to let Commander Wonderful just march back into your life? Poof he's forgiven. The whole thing didn't happen? You two can pick up where you left off..." 

"Commander Wonderful? What are you talking about?" She creased her brow. 

"That's who they're from right? You said they were from Jack." 

"Yes. Jack Sosa. You know, he's one of CJ's Assistant Press Secretaries. He was supposed to go on the Codel. But I went in his place? Is any of this ringing a bell? He was upset that he got bumped and now probably feels guilty about the Donna voodoo doll he made." 

Josh stared at her silent and unblinking. Simultaneously, he felt like an enormous jealous idiot and like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of his back. "Jack Sosa..." 

She studied him curiously, "You're like Jekyll and Hyde today. You know that? It's freaking me out a little bit. How was the White House?" 

"I... uh..." She trained her trusting blue eyes on him and he couldn't lie. So, instead, he evaded, "Didn't go. I met CJ... for lunch. Then I managed to get over half of the Assistant Deputies on a conference call at once." He allowed a smile at her, "I was lost trying to remember what projects each of them is working on without you there to remind me." He glanced away, "Then I answered about a thousand emails and returned a few select phone calls, ones that you would tell me shouldn't wait." 

She nodded then and tried to catch his eye, but he wasn't cooperating. "For the record I haven't talked to Jack Reese since the night before the Inauguration. And I don't plan to." 

"Oh well... you could, you know, it's none of my business, it's up to you..." He stopped his fumbling and finally met her eye, "That was... stupid. I'm sorry." 

Her stomach flip flopped at the remorseful look in his eye, she smiled, "Its okay. It's been kind of a stressful few days. A little nutty is allowed." 

He smiled back. Right then he knew he should go home. He hadn't even showered that day and he knew he needed some detachment from her, but something kept him rooted to the spot. And he knew however much he needed to go home and however much he should go home, he wasn't going anywhere. 

*** 

Surprisingly, no news outlets either cared or picked up on the connection between Josh and Donna. Of course that might have been because the announcement of the Camp David peace talks dominated the news cycle. Josh thought they were out of the woods, nobody cared, CJ's prediction was wrong. 

Of course Stu Winkle's next gossip column wasn't due for print until Sunday. And today was only Thursday. 


	12. Without Warning 12

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

Josh was proud of himself. Of course, his heart actually physically ached and pangs of anxiety rippled through his chest and his stomach and... well, pretty much his whole body, but he was still proud of himself, because he'd actually managed to leave the hospital. And not only that, he'd managed to leave the hospital without kissing her goodbye. 

Well, okay, he had kissed her goodbye, twice, but she hadn't been awake so it didn't technically count. 

Early Friday morning he'd woken with the nurse's shift change. Roused by the new nurse on duty when she'd come to check on Donna. Once she'd left he shuffled over to Donna's bedside and found her groggy, but awake. 

He'd sat with her for close to an hour until she was able to drift back to sleep. Trying very hard to maintain a friendly reserve, he was careful not to touch her. Until she was once again unconscious and he was able to kiss her cheek in a very friendly goodbye gesture. Twice. 

The night before, he'd arranged with her mother to be there early, so he could head home, shower and then go into work. By the time Donna drifted back to sleep it was close to 7am and her parents had shown up. With them there, he felt comfortable enough to leave. Well, comfortable was probably too strong a word. There was nothing comfortable about the way he felt, but he was able to leave. 

Even though he'd told Donna the night before that he was going to work in the morning, and her parents-- armed with his cell phone number, office phone number, pager number, and number to the White House switchboard-- knew exactly where he was going to be, he still felt compelled to leave her a note. A direct communication linking the two of them-- after all, he didn't want her to wake up, not find him there and worry where he'd gone. 

It had required several rounds of deep breathing and excuses to go back into her hospital room to look for something he'd 'forgotten,' but finally, he made it to the elevator and out of the building. 

*** 

Josh wound his way through the West Wing at his usual breakneck pace. He figured if he were moving quickly, fewer people would stop him. That didn't exactly work; he heard the question multiple times before he reached the Chief of Staff's office. The worst part was that every time someone asked about her, he felt sharp spasms of separation. Without humor he wondered if he was going to be experiencing those for the rest of his life. Surely, once this was over and done with, and she was no longer the center of his existence, feelings like those would subside... wouldn't they? 

When Josh arrived, he was pleased to find that Margaret was not at her desk. He knocked on Leo's door and then poked his head in. 

"Josh." Leo sounded relieved to see him. "Come in." 

"Good morning," Josh greeted as he slid into one of the chairs opposite Leo's desk. 

"How's Donna?" 

Josh grimaced. "She's... recovering. In constant pain, but like typical Donna, she's in good spirits." 

"You had a little scare the day you got back?" 

"If you call a massive pulmonary embolism little... then yes." The actual words were sarcastic, but there was no sarcasm in Josh's tone or demeanor. 

"She's okay though, right?" 

"Yeah, she's okay." Josh's insides clenched and a little voice reprimanded him that he could never assume anything, it was just asking for trouble. He amended, "I think she's okay. She was okay when I left." His voice carried a note of desperation that would only be perceptible to those who knew him best. 

"When was that?" Leo questioned lightly. 

He glanced at his wrist. Seventy-four minutes ago. "About an hour ago." 

Nodding in understanding, Leo studied him closely. "You okay to take part in these talks at Camp David? If you're still too close to it..." 

"I'm fine." 

Leo had heard that before. "Are you going to be okay being away for long days next week? You may be able to go back and forth, but..." 

It felt like someone was actually drilling a hole right through him. It was very obviously not okay for him to be away for several days. "Yes, Donna will be okay... her parents are here..." 

"Will *you* be okay being away from her?" 

"Of course." Josh was not at all convincing but Leo let it go. 

"Your mom is here?" 

Josh smiled in spite of himself. "You saw her chatting with the reporters?" 

"Always a level head, your mother." Leo smiled. "Give her my best?" 

Josh nodded. 

"Look I don't want to step in it here, but I assume we need to talk about you and Donna..." 

"I already told CJ. Donna and I aren't... we're not... there's nothing..." 

Leo looked at the younger man suspiciously. "Really?" 

"Yes." Josh said with all the conviction he didn't feel. 

Leo didn't believe him, but had no idea what to say, so he just shrugged. "In any case she can't come back to work as your assistant. Whether or not anything is... well, anyway, that's how it appears. CJ and Toby both tell me you're prepared for that?" 

"Yes." He acquiesced before adding quickly, "She deserves a promotion, Leo, she actually deserved it a long time ago." Josh's eye's shot to Leo's with an edge of defiance. "You're not suggesting she not come back to work here at all, are you?" 

"No, of course not. I've got some ideas about where Donna might fit in nicely and not answer to you directly. I'll talk to her once she's feeling up to it and we'll come up with something." 

Josh sighed with relief, but at the same time the old angst at the thought of losing Donna professionally resurfaced. In the last week it had become a given that when Donna was able to return she would no longer be his assistant, but when he thought about what that actually meant, it still troubled him. Long days in the office without Donna... long nights in the office without Donna. In that light, his job didn't seem as exciting or as important to him as it once did. 

Leo watched the different emotions play across Josh's face and wondered what in the heck was going on in his deputy's mind. "Josh, I'm the last person who should ever give advice on anyone's personal life, so I'll just leave it at this; if you've found what I think you've found, then I'm really happy for you son." 

Josh gulped and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from spilling his guts to the man who, up until last fall, he'd looked to as a mentor and a surrogate father. Instead he changed the subject to the business at hand. 

CJ, Toby, Will and several others joined them and they discussed the events of the coming days. 

*** 

The President and First Lady had attended the Congressional memorial service for the victims that was held on the steps of the Capitol that morning. After the memorial Abby, with Zoey in attendance, paid a visit to the most famous patient currently being treated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. 

Donna was sitting with her dad when the First Lady, First Daughter and their entourage arrived. After an introduction and an exchange of pleasantries, Dan excused himself. He knew that he would never hear the end of it if he didn't alert Carolyn to a visit by the First Lady. 

Abby noticed the blanket and pillow that were in a messy tangle on the portable bed in the corner. "Someone keeping you company?" 

Donna glanced down as she tried to hide her blush. "Josh slept here the last couple of nights..." 

Mrs. Bartlett looked at her with a twinkle and teased gently, "Well I hope he's been a comfort and not an aggravation? He hasn't been expecting you to work has he?" 

"No, ma'am." Donna smiled. 

"And he's been a comfort?" 

"He's been... my hero." It sounded corny even to Donna's ears, but it was the truth. 

"I see." She smiled benevolently down at Donna. "I'm glad of it then. I want you to know that Jed and I were devastated by what happened to you." 

Donna just nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Abby continued, "The good news is that you're going to make a full recovery. I've spoken to your doctors and I feel very good about your prognosis. You may even get out of here early next week." Donna truly smiled at that news. 

Just then Carolyn entered the room. If she thought she was star struck when she saw CJ, well, then she was wholly unprepared to be face to face with the First Lady of the United States. But she hid it well and was able to carry herself with composure. 

As Zoey sat by Donna's bed chatting, Abby steered Carolyn to the side of the room where they could have a private word. 

With kind eyes, Abby surveyed Donna's mother. "I'm sure you hear this all the time, but you and Donna look remarkably alike." She smiled. "My daughters tend to take after their father." Carolyn nodded in appreciation, before Abby continued seriously, "I want you to know that Donna has been in both Jed's and my prayers from the moment this happened." 

"Thank you, Mrs. Bartlet, Dan and I appreciate that." 

"We think so highly of Donna. You should be so very proud of her." Abby patted Carolyn on the hand. "If there is anything Jed or I can do please let us know." 

"This has been a very difficult time, but it has been made easier by all the support from everyone who cares about Donna... we appreciated the President's phone call on Memorial Day, that was very reassuring... and we appreciate Josh, he's been so wonderful to us and to Donna. I don't know how she would have made it through this without him." 

Abby tried not to choke. "Josh has been wonderful? Really?" She smirked. "That must be a first." 

"Does that surprise you?" Carolyn asked, keenly interested. 

Abby's face softened. "No, of course not. At least it doesn't surprise me where Donna is concerned. You have to forgive me; I like to tease when it comes to Josh. But I do know his concern and affection for Donna are genuine." 

Carolyn nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, I believe despite himself, they are." 

"Despite himself?" Abby questioned. 

"Yes, I'm certain that he's in love with my daughter, but there seems to be some sort of inner turmoil holding him back." 

Abby was amused and pleased by the frankness of the other woman. You didn't often find that kind of plain-speak in political circles. "That wouldn't surprise me. You know men can be such jackasses, can't they?" 

*** 

"Let me see the remote, Josh." Her parents had left before dinner. They didn't say one word to Josh about leaving; for the third night in a row it was readily apparent that he had no intention of going anywhere. Josh had actually worked until the late hour of 5pm and had managed to only call twice during the day. But as he'd entered the hospital again, he'd felt a physical release of tension the second he was through the doors. 

Now he was back in Donna's hospital room, dressed in sweat pants and a T-shirt from the bag packed courtesy of his mother. 

"You can have it, but I'm telling you there is nothing on." He leaned forward from his position in the chair next to her bed to hand it to her. 

"There has to be something." She flipped silently. "You're right... 

"Hey, wait... go back." Josh leaned forward in his chair towards the TV as she changed it back. "O'Reilly's talking to Carrick. He's going to rip us up and..." Josh trailed off as the shot on the screen switched from the talking heads to file footage. Video of a blown out suburban lying upside down against a barren landscape flashed across the screen. It certainly wasn't the first time the footage had aired, but it was the first time Donna had been lucid and paying attention to the TV and had happened to catch it. 

Donna gasped as she watched the images. The video had obviously been taken shortly after the explosion, people rushed around in the background and the whir of emergency vehicles could be heard. It occurred to her that she might be in one of those emergency vehicles. Then it hit her. She was probably still in the Suburban when the video was recorded. Her left hand flew to her mouth, but she was unable to look away. 

Josh felt like he was in some sort of suspended animation. He sat, unable to move and not knowing what to do. His immobility and indecision lasted only seconds, but, to him, it felt much longer. Finally, he leapt from his chair and slapped the power button on the TV. Instantly he returned to her bedside and looked down at her uneasily. She continued to stare at the now-blank screen. 

"Are you okay?" He searched her face for a sign of how she was doing. "I'm so sorry." 

She didn't respond and it scared the hell out of him. 

"Donna." His voice was soft, but he spoke with urgency. "Are you okay? Talk to me." He reached over and ran the back of his knuckles lightly down her cheek. 

She still stared straight ahead. "I... I hadn't. That was..." She crinkled her brow. "I guess it makes sense, I was unconscious so I didn't know what it looked like..." 

He didn't remove the back of his hand from her face; his other hand slowly slid up and down her forearm in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. "I know." 

"I don't remember anything. Shouldn't I remember something? It doesn't seem like that..." she pointed to the blank screen, "happened to me." 

Finally she looked away from the TV and up into his concerned face. She found intense brown eyes that were flooded with empathy looking back at her and immediately she felt grounded again. 

"Your memory may or may not come back. Maybe its better that you don't remember... I don't know. But I do know that you can talk about this with me." His thumb rubbed soothingly circles on the back of her hand. "I know you should talk about this." 

"Let's not talk about it now." Her voice was low and anxious. 

He looked at her pointedly. 

"Please, I promise if it comes back to me or something is bothering me I'll talk to you. But right now I don't remember and those images... I just... I can't connect with them." She looked at him pleadingly. 

"Okay." He watched her carefully for a minute before conceding; he scooted his chair right next to her and expertly lowered the rails on her bed. Snaking his arm underneath hers on the hospital bed, he laced their fingers together. She looked down at their entwined hands and immediately felt a warm sensation spread down her body. 

Josh was indeed holding Donna's hand. He dismissed the nagging voice in the back of his mind that told him he shouldn't be doing it. Certainly, there must be an unwritten rule somewhere that said it was okay for a friend to hold another friend's hand after that friend had watched images of the violent wreckage that almost killed her. And, he reasoned, if there wasn't, there should be. 

Taking the remote back from where Donna had dropped it on the bed, he started flipping through the channels, trying to find something to take her mind off of it. Fruitlessly he searched, but nothing caught their attention. 

"It's summer, there's nothing on but reruns," she murmured. Suddenly she perked up. "Wait! Go back one, that's my favorite show." 

He noticed her enthusiastic expression and grimaced playfully. "Is this that show you and Margaret are always squawking about?" 

"Squawking?" She lifted an eyebrow at him. 

"Yeah, squawking," he teased cheekily, pleased that she appeared to be wholly distracted. 

"This is the show that Margaret and I engage in intelligent discussion and debate about, if that is what you're asking. Which reminds me, I don't know what happened on the season finale. It was on while I was... gone. I can't believe I forgot!" 

"Well, there have been a couple of distractions..." Kicking himself for bringing up the bombing again, he quickly tried to switch her attention back to something harmless. "So tell me, what is so great about this show?" 

"Really?" She looked at him oddly. 

"Yup. I'm interested." He was actually only interested in keeping the brightened expression on her face. 

"Okay. But first would you call Margaret?" 

"What?! Why?!" He was clearly startled by the request. 

"I just need to know yes or no." 

"Donna, I don't understand, yes or no what?" 

"Please, Josh, I'd call but I'm not up to getting into a big conversation about..." She gestured to her hospital bed. "Please just call her and ask yes or no on _Capital South_. She'll know what you're talking about." 

She'd focused her pleading eyes on him and he was left with no defense. Without releasing her hand he took the cell phone out of his jacket pocket with his right hand and pressed the speed dial to Leo's office. True to Donna's word, Margaret knew exactly what Josh was asking and the conversation lasted less than a minute. "She said that she's coming with Carol to visit tomorrow and that she'll fill you in on all the details then, but that it's a no on all counts." 

Donna's face fell, "You're kidding me? Oh no..." 

Josh's features were immediately tight with worry, he was on his feet hovering over her. "What is it? What's wrong?" 

"I can't believe they did this to us." 

"What?" He asked anxiously. 

Sighing loudly, she pointed to the screen, "See him." Josh nodded. "That's Jeff." 

"Okay." Josh replied. Realizing her distress was not related to her injuries he slowly sat back down, but his face was turned slightly so he could watch Donna out of the corner of his eye instead of what was happening on screen. 

"The show's about him. He's a Congressman. A widower." 

Josh's eyes flickered to the screen. "A Congressman? No way that guy gets elected. Totally unrealistic, too pretty, not trustworthy." 

She ignored him and pointed to the screen. "Now that's Danielle, his top aide." 

"Okay..." They watched the scene in silence for a few seconds, before he commented, "She's way too hot to be working in politics." 

Donna slowly turned her head to glare at him. It took him a second to notice that she was giving him the evil eye. "What? Oh... well, I thought it was a given that you're too hot to be working in politics." 

"Good save." She couldn't suppress a small grin before turning back to the TV. 

He squeezed her hand gently and muttered without looking at her, "It wasn't a save." 

After several minutes, Josh looked over at her as the show went to commercial. "All right... so what is so upsetting? What did Margaret say?" 

"We were hoping they were going to, you know..." She lifted her eyebrow at him to for emphasis, "...in the season finale." 

"They didn't?" 

"Apparently not." 

"And this was disappointing?" Josh couldn't wrap his mind around getting involved in a television show. 

"On so many levels. We've been waiting for this for four years." 

"Four years? You've been watching a show for four years just waiting for two fictional characters to have sex? This is what you do with your time when you're not working-" He stopped abruptly and chose his words carefully at the look she was giving him, "When you have well deserved time off from working VERY hard for me?" She smiled and nodded unashamedly and he smirked, but gave in, "So why don't they just get it on? What's stopping them?" 

"Denial. They don't realize they're in love. And you know they work together, public eye, all that stuff." 

"Denial? Even I can tell they want each other. That is so unbelievable. I can't believe you watch this crap." 

She shot him a curious look. "You don't think people can be in denial about their feelings?" 

"I... uh...I... look," He diverted her by pointing to the screen. "It's back on, we should watch." 

"Yeah, we should." Donna replied, a self-satisfied smile quirked her lips. 

They watched the rest of the show, Josh gleefully pointing out the inconsistencies with the reality of life on the Hill and Donna rolling her eyes at him. Soon after it was over, she began to drift off; he waited until she was asleep before leaving her side. Being away from her next week was going to be one of the hardest things he ever had to do... well, except for letting her go, and he hadn't even managed to make a dent in that plan yet. He was still sure that it was the right thing to do, but he was beginning to see that it was going to be a nearly impossible task while he was living in the hospital. 

The problem was that the only thing that mattered to Josh was what was best for Donna, and as such, he didn't even wonder why the right thing to do felt so wrong. 


	13. Without Warning 13

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

Time started to move a bit more quickly for Donna, and before she knew it, it was Sunday morning and nearly a week had passed since the bombing. Saturday had been somewhat eventful. Margaret and Carol, as well as her old roommate, had visited. She'd been able to sit up and go for a ride in a wheelchair, accompanied by a merry entourage that included her parents, Judith, Margaret and Carol. 

Josh had been a bit panicked when he'd called her hospital room to check in from the White House and found her absent. But before rushing out of work he'd tried his mother's cell phone, and it was happily reported back to him that he was missing a big outing to a first floor courtyard. Shortly after that, he'd returned to the hospital, lugging briefing memos and protocol manuals for the peace talks. 

*** 

"Donna... are you decent? Can I come in?" CJ partially opened the door to the hospital room and poked her head in. 

"CJ! Hi! Please come in." Donna was currently alone. Her parents were at her apartment as her dad continued his handyman routine on her place. Apparently she now had, among other things, rails in her bathroom and a bench across her bathtub. Barring any complications, he was planning to go back to Wisconsin early Monday morning for a week of work, while Carolyn stayed behind. 

"How are you feeling this morning?" 

"Actually, I'm beginning to feel some improvement," Donna conceded happily. 

"I'm glad." CJ took the room in. "Whoa, are you popular. I've never seen so many flowers and gifts..." 

"The plant and pink teddy bear are still my favorite," she interjected with a grin. "But you're right. I am popular. So popular, in fact, that most of these things are from people I've never met. Or from Congressional offices where the Representative never even knew my name before this..." She twirled her hand around in the air, but smiled. "Most of the bouquets have been distributed. All over the hospital there are injured G.I.'s with what Josh calls sissy bouquets of flowers in their rooms." 

"That's nice." She laughed and nodded approvingly before indicating the bed in the corner. "Josh?" 

"Yeah, he left a little while ago to go home and pack." 

CJ's eyebrows lifted involuntarily, and under her breath she muttered, "Still... no wonder..." 

"So... to what do I owe the honor of a visit early on a Sunday morning?" 

"Well..." CJ pulled a newspaper out from under her arm. "Unfortunately, there is something you have to see." 

Immediately Donna was alarmed. "What is it? Did they get to my parents again?" 

"No..." CJ said slowly. "You better just read it for yourself." She handed over the folded newspaper. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

LOVE IN THE WHITE HOUSE? 

By Stu Winkle 

_How far would your boss go for you? Well, if you're Donna Moss, the answer would be all the way to Germany. That belle du jour is reportedly out of the woods and expected to make a full recovery, but will she get more out of her harrowing experience than pain and suffering and, of course, the requisite fifteen minutes of fame?_

_Sources tell me that White House hottie Josh Lyman, the afore-mentioned damsel-in-distress's boss, won't leave her side. Interesting, no? Well, anyone who's been around the Beltway for more than an hour knows that the Deputy Chief of Staff is über-close with his assistant. But is it more than that?_

_Word has it that when she was injured in that oh- so- tragic incident, he left his post advising his boss (a guy some people call Mr. President) and was on the first flight to the land of beer and bratwurst... and now that she's back in D.C.? He's bunking in her hospital room, staging an around-the-clock vigil at her bedside. Très romantic._

_Mum's the word from the White House, but can wedding bells be far off? Is this a fairy tale love story in the making? This newshound thinks so. Why else would his mum be her family's spokesperson?_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Accompanying the column was a picture; a candid obviously cropped from an image that at one time had included more people. It was of the two of them in formal wear standing side by side, Josh leaning over to whisper in Donna's ear while she giggled. The caption read: 

**The maybe-couple in happier times at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner, a week before the ill-fated congressional delegation.**

Donna sat unblinking as she stared at the newspaper. "This is really bad... is this really bad?" 

"Well, it's a good picture of you," CJ tried to joke. 

"CJ..." Donna looked up at her with wide eyes. 

"I'm sorry I didn't know about this, Donna. But to be honest, I had expected something-" 

"Is it bad, CJ? Is this going to hurt Josh?" Donna interrupted imploringly. 

"Hurt? No, I don't think so, not professionally anyway." 

"Really?" Donna was anxious. 

"Really. Toby and I both feel that the Republicans wouldn't touch you with a scandal on a ten foot pole right now. So it is what it is... mostly gossip. Which is no fun for either you or Josh, and no fair, but ultimately probably not harmful to your careers or to the administration." 

Donna just continued to stare at the page, reading over it again and again. 

CJ gave her a moment and then tugged on the top of the page to get her attention. "Of course, it would help immeasurably if we could spin this. If we put it out there, then it's no longer gossip." 

"Okay..." Donna wrinkled her nose. "What would you want to say?" 

CJ looked for a diplomatic way of putting it. "I've spoken to Josh and the problem is he... well, he says... he doesn't seem..." 

"Spit it out CJ." Donna narrowed her eyes and tried to quash the uneasy feeling in her stomach. 

"Josh says there is nothing going on between the two of you. You are simply good friends and that there is no story because there is no..." CJ shrugged, not knowing how to finish. 

"Us... there is no us," Donna finished for her as she felt the unease in her stomach grow into a full-blown, swirling pit. A pit she was very familiar with, as it had been her companion through many hard times in the years since she'd met Josh. She managed to keep her voice even and light. "What does he say is going on then?" 

CJ chuckled and smiled at Donna. "Well, that is where his story sort of falls apart. But he's been adamant to Toby, Leo and I that this is not a romantic relationship." 

"Well, no, of course it hasn't been a romantic relationship. You of all people know that, CJ..." 

She swallowed guiltily and sat down beside the bed. "And now?" 

Donna felt tears threatening behind her eyes. She took a deep breath. "Well, to be honest, I was sure things were changing between us..." She was silent for several beats. Thoughts of everything she'd been through, everything they'd been through in the last week raced through her mind. All of a sudden, the tears no longer threatened and she was angry. She looked CJ in the eye, "He really said that there was nothing?" 

"He did. But it's Josh, so..." 

"That man has a really strange idea of nothing!" Donna fairly spit the words as she shook her head; incredulous at what she was hearing. They'd made no promises to one another, but certainly something had been implied... hadn't it? 

CJ smiled. "Yeah, his actions don't exactly match his words do they?" 

Donna turned to her, "No they don't. They don't at all." 

CJ grimaced, "Well maybe he's the last to know? I mean you and I and apparently Stu Winkle are reading what his actions have to say loud and clear. And it doesn't seem like nothing." 

"It's not nothing." Donna's voice was strong with conviction; she was willing herself to believe what she said. 

"Is Josh, maybe, just that stupid? Perhaps he thinks that flying to Germany and then living in someone's hospital room in nothing? You know..." 

Biting her lower lip, Donna stopped listening and looked at the picture of the two of them. Truthfully, it could have been taken at almost any time that night. Josh had spent most of the evening at her side, mocking the Washington insiders that littered the event. The picture definitely supported the column; it made them look... intimate... and definitely like something. 

CJ was still speaking. "...and I can tell you another thing. If I were injured, I'm sure there would be nobody sleeping in my hospital room." 

"Sure there would, what about Ben?" Donna pointed out, as if she'd been paying attention to everything CJ had said, instead of lost in her own world. 

CJ chuckled slightly and took a deep breath. "It's not the same with Ben... you know that. I wish we had what you and Josh have... but we don't. You know... Josh told me that..." 

"What?" 

"In anger..." she prefaced. "In anger, he accused me of being jealous of what the two of you have." 

"When?" Donna asked, alarms going off. 

"The night that picture was taken." She pointed to the paper. "After the lockdown." 

"Oh..." 

"I wasn't. That wasn't why I said what I said to you. But he's still right. What you guys have is something worthy of envy; I wish I could find it." 

"Well, then, according to Josh, you wish you could find a whole lot of nothing." She managed a grim smile. 

"He'll come around." Her reply was confident. 

"This is Josh, CJ. He's not going to do anything he doesn't want to do." 

"Exactly." 

Donna looked at her questioningly. 

"I'm not sure why Josh is saying what he's saying. I suspect it has a lot to do with fear and guilt. But what is painfully obvious, is what he wants. He most definitely wants to be with you." 

Blinking rapidly and swallowing hard, Donna quickly changed the subject. She rattled the newspaper in her hand. "So how do we handle this? Do you think this is it?" 

CJ looked at her sympathetically. "I don't think this will be the end of it, no." 

"Really?" Her face fell. 

"Well, I don't expect anybody to treat it as news. But I do expect interest in this aspect of the story. Features, human interest articles... I anticipate even more requests for television and print interviews, now with both you and Josh." 

"Oh..." 

"Josh has been adamant that there will be no interviews with you," CJ added quickly. "But that needs to be a decision that you make, or the two of you make together. As the White House Press Secretary, I have no problem with you doing interviews; in fact, I think it would actually be very good for us. As your friend, I think it's entirely up to you once you're out of here and feeling a lot better. It could be cathartic to tell your story." 

Donna fretted, "I don't have a story..." 

"You'd be surprised." CJ smiled. "The good news is that for the time being this is a gossip column and the White House doesn't comment on gossip or the personal lives of its staffers." 

"How long will that work?" 

"Depends. If we don't comment soon, someone is going to do the story using your landlady and unnamed White House and Hospital staffers. But I'm going to be splitting my time between Camp David and the White House for the next few days. Since most of the press briefings from there will be held by the State Department, I'll be able to keep an eye on this personally." 

Once CJ left the hospital, the pit in Donna's stomach remained. She knew Josh...in fact she knew him better than anyone. She believed CJ, it wasn't a question of that... she believed Josh had said those things. What she wasn't sure of was why he'd said them. But even after what CJ said, she still had confidence in his feelings for her. She kept her eyes trained at the bed in the corner where he'd slept for the past four nights. That alone gave her reason for optimism. She was sure she couldn't have misread his behavior that badly. Could she have? 

*** 

Reaction to the gossip column varied widely. 

In the residence of The White House, the smirking First Lady tossed the paper over to her husband while muttering, "You know, your Deputy Chief of Staff can be a real jackass. I hope he doesn't screw this up." 

Somewhere in D.C., a brunette with a surprisingly stiff jaw was fixing breakfast before beginning preparations for the monotone speech she would be delivering to a bunch of fledgling feminist later in the week. Barefoot, she shuffled from the front door back to her kitchen while opening the paper.  Even though TMJ experts the world over would have said it was impossible, her jaw tightened even more as she read. "I knew it." Disgusted, she tossed the paper down on the kitchen table. "I always knew it. 'She's my assistant' ...my ass..." 

In Southern California, a good-looking guy of indeterminate profession, but who still maintained enough of an interest in politics to subscribe to the Washington paper, smiled from ear to ear. "That's my boy, Josh. Finally! Good for you." 

"He'd date Harold... nothing to get in between... yeah, right..." A Lieutenant Commander currently on shore leave hastily prepared to cancel the flowers he'd ordered to be delivered to Walter Reed. 

At the headquarters of the Lambs of God, an angry woman had just returned from church and was seething. "I've got you, you arrogant SOB. Seducing a helpless girl in your employ, well, you won't get away with it." Not if she could help it, anyway. 

In Los Angeles a father handed an infant to its mother, before he began excitedly signing the details of what he'd just read. When he finished she grinned broadly. "It's only been three years since I pointed out the obvious to him... he's way ahead of schedule." 

In a Georgetown duplex a Republican lawyer just laughed in resignation-- it wasn't surprising to him. But then again, he had read a diary that had pretty much tipped him off to the way things would end up. 

Over at the OEOB, Suzie from Political Affairs was hastily dialing Dale from Human Resources' home phone number. When he answered she began to speak without greeting, "Check Stu Winkle's column this morning. I was right; you so owe me dinner... and we bet a nice dinner, remember? Chili's doesn't count..." 

The Chairman of the RNC shook his head at the overeager aide who had brought him the column as soon as he'd read it that morning. "What can we do with this?" 

"Use it. Turn it into a sex scandal; paralyze the White House's agenda. We haven't had a good one of those in a long time." 

The older man just chuckled, but shook his head. "That bastard just pulled off possibly the greatest political coup of his career." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well he's managed to cover up what was probably a long-term, potentially scandalous affair with his young, nubile assistant until the exact moment arrived that his enemies couldn't use it against him." 

The young aide just furrowed his brow at him. 

The Chairman looked disgusted but with grudging respect added, "Well played, Lyman." 

*** 

Lyman himself, who wasn't playing anything, was oblivious to the breakfast table talk. He hadn't read the paper that morning. 

Marine One was scheduled to leave the White House at 1pm and that was his ride to Camp David. Even though he intended to come back to D.C. each night, things could get crazy and he'd needed to pack in case he was called upon to stay. When he returned to the hospital, he found Donna dozing. 

As he sat by her bedside, he had trouble wrapping his mind around the fact that he was leaving her that day. Despite the enormity of what was going to take place at Camp David, it was the only thing on his mind. 

"Josh?" Her brow furrowed when he finally gently woke her. "How long have you been back?" 

"Awhile... I'm sorry to wake you, but I have to go now so..." 

"Oh..." 

"Yeah, so I'll stop back by when I get back into town. I'm just not sure when that will be. Your parents and my mom have all my numbers in case something..." He shook it off. If he started thinking about worst case scenarios, no way in hell he was going to get on that helicopter. 

"Oh... okay." Suddenly she didn't know what to say to him. A shadow clouded her face as she thought of all that was left unsaid between them. 

"What's wrong?" He peered at her earnestly. 

She forced a smile, "Nothing, Josh. Are you all set?" More than anything, she wanted to confront him with what CJ had said... get it out in the open. But she needed to collect her thoughts and she owed it to him not to bring it up moments before he had to leave and concentrate on the small task of bringing peace to the Middle East. 

"Yeah... all set. Anyway, I'll see you soon." He was trying for the farewell you might give a casual acquaintance. 

By design, he left quickly without touching her or getting overly sentimental. 

Of course, he only made it to the elevator before he came hurrying back to the hospital room. When he barged back through her door, she shot him a peculiar look. 

Panting slightly, he came towards her bed. "I forgot." 

"Forgot? What?" 

"To say goodbye." 

With full control of his faculties and absolute knowledge of what he was doing, he was still completely unable to stop himself. Leaning over, he touched his lips to the side of her face, just millimeters away from the corner of her mouth. He lingered a second before whispering in her ear, "You call me, morning or midnight, for any reason: small, big, medium-sized..." He brushed one more kiss on her temple before concluding, "Bye." He left as hastily as he'd returned. 

Donna smiled to herself. Poor stupid, confused Josh. But he was her poor stupid, confused Josh. Yeah... she was confident in his feelings for her, and she'd worry about what was going through his head when it came to that. "Joshua, Joshua, Joshua," she muttered out loud. "I'm going to crack you like an egg." 

He'd come and gone so quickly, and she'd been so groggy from sleep, so distracted by her own insecurities and his strange behavior, that she'd completely forgotten to warn him about Stu's column. Oops. 


	14. Without Warning 14

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

Josh entered the West Wing at 12:30pm, just half an hour before they were scheduled to depart by helicopter. 

"Hey Josh," He turned to see Ed and Larry approaching him. Josh was unsure which of them had called out to him, but as with all things Ed and Larry it didn't really matter. 

"Departure has been delayed at least an hour." 

"Oh, okay. Thanks." 

"So," Larry smirked at him. Or was it Ed? "Sounds like Donna's doing better." 

"Huh?" Josh turned back as they moved through the lobby. 

"Donna. She's out of the woods since returning from the land of beer-" 

"And brats?" Larry finished Ed's sentence. 

Josh furrowed his brow, bewildered at the phrasing of the question but answered anyway. "Her prognosis is good; hopefully she'll be released from the hospital sometime this week." 

"I'll bet you'll be relieved. That's got to be murder on your back." The two of them turned off and headed in the opposite direction. 

Josh shook his head and kept going before he was stopped by the Secretary of State. "Josh, I had no idea congratulations were in order. Really kept it under your hat didn't you?" Josh shook the man's hand but had no idea what he was talking about. Thankfully a reply wasn't necessary as the Secretary's attention was diverted down the hall. 

"Kept what under my hat?" He muttered as he continued on his way through the West Wing. 

A group of staffers, all of whom looked vaguely familiar but none that he could have called by name, stood talking near the Roosevelt room. As he approached he was able to catch several comments before they realized he was coming, "I always knew it, you could tell by the way he would stare at her... well I think it's unprofessional, we wouldn't get away with that... I'm thrilled, I won dinner and they're a cute couple... he's okay, but hot is definitely debatable... " 

As he passed, they went silent, all staring at him with wide eyes and not a little fear. As soon as he was by them a round of nervous giggles sounded behind him. He was about to turn around and ask if they had jobs to do when yet another person tugged his sleeve. 

"I gotta tell you... I love a good fairy tale, Josh." 

Josh whipped around to see Debbie Fitterer pass by him swiftly. Completely confounded he entered Toby's office and sat down hard on his couch. "People are acting bizarrely today." 

"What do you mean?" 

"They're... saying odd things and looking at me weird." Josh rubbed his eyes with one hand. 

Toby's lips quirked slightly. "Don't they always look at your weird?" 

Josh just stared at him with a blank expression before responding, "Weirder than usual. Are my pants on backwards?" 

"You really don't know?" Toby asked in with surprise. 

"Know what?" 

"You haven't seen the paper? CJ didn't talk to you this morning?" 

"No... I had a message from CJ but I haven't caught up with her yet." 

Toby chuckled, "You're in for a treat." He grabbed the paper and folded it back before handing it to Josh. 

Josh had to read it twice before it sank completely in, "I thought... I thought we were in the clear, I didn't think anyone was interested..." 

"You were wrong." Toby stated for the record. 

CJ stuck her head in the office and in a sing-song voice interrupted with, "Here comes the bride... all dressed in..." She looked him up and down before adding in her regular voice, "in a brown Hugo Boss suit." 

"You didn't know about this?" Josh jabbed at the paper. 

"Sorry. Nope. I've checked, one of my staffers did get a call from Stu Winkle on Friday asking if we had a comment on you being out of the office the past week, but since it was, you know, Stu Winkle he was told you were attending to personal business and it didn't get passed up to me. 

"What are we going to do about it?" Josh's tone was more than a little strangled. 

"That depends on you, Josh." Both Toby and CJ just stared at him. 

*** 

Josh's hand was on his office phone as he sat at his desk. He hesitated because he needed to talk to her about their appearance in the paper, but he had no idea what he was going to say. How do you discuss how you're going to handle it, if you can't discuss what there is to handle? 

While he vacillated, the phone rang. When Josh answered he was pleasantly surprised by a familiar voice. 

"You didn't go and get engaged without telling me, did you?" 

"Sam," Josh smiled broadly. Sam had left a message when word about Donna had broke and Josh had left a return message for him while he was in Germany, but they hadn't had a chance to talk since before the events in Gaza. 

"Seriously, Josh, what's happened to our friendship if I have to find out something like this from the paper?" Sam's voice was full of amusement. 

"I'm not... we are not engaged." 

"Phew. So when are you getting engaged." 

"Sam..." Josh warned. 

Sam laughed. "So, exactly how much is inaccurate." 

"Well there are no plans for wedding bells to ring." 

"And?" 

"Apparently it's debatable whether or not I can safely be referred to as a hottie." 

Sam laughed even harder. "Everything else is accurate, isn't it?" 

"Technically?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Pretty much." Josh sighed. 

"So, you will tell me when you pop the question to Donna?" 

"Sam..." Josh's voice contained a note of desperation. 

"Okay, I'll stop. How is she?" 

*** 

There were three helicopters leaving for Camp David, Josh happened to go with the President, making his ride Marine One. Once they'd taken off, the President turned his attention to Josh. "Made the papers this morning I see." 

"Yes, Mr. President, about that-" 

"I've been given strict orders by my wife to advise you not to screw up." 

"Sir, uh, I can explain, the thing is that..." 

"No need to explain, I'm a man of the world, Josh. You know, I always suspected that there might be something between the two of you. Abby thinks I don't notice these things... but I do." 

"There's not exactly anything to notice. I can assure you that nothing-" 

"Are you planning to be a jackass, Josh?" The President cut to the chase, having gotten an earful on the subject over breakfast. 

"No sir, not planning to..." 

"Abby thinks you're going to be a jackass. I think you should prove her wrong." 

"Well, of course, I don't aspire to be a jackass-" 

`The President interrupted him. "Bedside vigil, very romantic... you`  
`know it reminds me of when Abby was pregnant with Liz; it might`  
`surprise you to know I was a slightly nervous expectant father..."`

Josh just sat back and let the President get lost in his own memories.  The thing that surprised him slightly was how happy everyone seemed for him.  If they only knew it was tearing him apart. 

*** 

Later that evening, after the opening Q and A with the press, he finally got a break. Flipping his cell phone open, he dialed and when she answered he started talking immediately. 

"How do you feel?" 

"Okay... how's it going there?" She smiled at the sound of his voice. 

"People have taken to calling me by my full name." 

"Which is?" She sounded confused. 

"White House Hottie Josh Lyman." 

She giggled. 

"You think that's funny?" He'd intended for the call to be short, just him telling her that if he made it home it wouldn't be until very late and he probably wouldn't get a chance to see her. But he couldn't help it, the sound of her giggling made him exceedingly happy and egged him on, "White House Hottie Josh Lyman you're due in Aspen Lodge for a meeting in 15 minutes." 

"Really? People are really calling you that?" 

"Really." Actually, he was only slightly exaggerating. 

"I would have thought you would like that, being referred to as a hottie. It has a nice ring, perhaps we can get T-shirts and business cards made." 

"Maybe. Maybe you'll have to refer to me that way from here on out." 

"Well it's better than being the belle du jour. What the hell does that even mean?" She asked with a smile in her voice. 

"Beats me." 

They were silent for several moments. Her voice turned serious, "I'm sorry, Josh. I'm really sorry that this was written because of me-" 

"Don't Donna." He interrupted, "We both know it was written because of me. Because I got on a plane, because I wouldn't leave..." 

"You know, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, don't you?" She asked imploringly. 

"I know." He said softly. 

"Besides its just gossip, nobody takes it seriously." They both knew that wasn't the truth, but neither was ready to discuss how it could become more than that, forcing a conversation neither was ready to have. She changed the subject, "How's it going there so far?" . 

"Nothing's going so far. Mostly everything has been for show." He took a deep breath, remembering that the only way to do what he knew he had to do, was to put space between them. "But even if I make the last chopper out of here, it will be late so..." He took a deep breath and felt his stomach twist, "I might not get a chance to go by the hospital..." 

"Oh... okay." She felt her chest tighten at she looked over at the bed in the corner. It would be lonely without him sleeping in the same room as her. 

"Hey," He tried to sound casual. "CJ introduced me to a photographer today..." 

"Oh yeah? Did they want White House Hottie Josh Lyman to pose for a spread in GQ? You were wearing your brown suit when you left. You definitely look hot in that suit." 

Josh shook his head but smiled, "No. He said he knew you. Met you in Gaza." 

"Colin?" Donna's voice brightened. 

"Yeah, that's the guy." Josh held his breath. He had no right to be jealous because some globe trotting Indiana Jones type was asking about her. None whatsoever. Why in the hell did she sound so happy? 

"He's covering the peace talks?" 

"Apparently," was the only response he could muster; he took a deep breath and tried to sound casual. "Who is he?" 

"Josh, I wrote you about him. He introduced me to some people in Gaza..." 

"When you wrote that ... I was picturing a kindly septuagenarian half-wit with a gimpy leg." 

Donna laughed with gusto. 

"He's not an elderly gimp." Josh added. 

"No he's not." Donna smiled to herself. If Josh was going to deny there was anything between them then she wasn't going to put him out of his misery just yet. 

"Donna..." 

"Yes, Josh." 

"Exactly how much time did you spend with the not-elderly not-gimpy photographer?" 

"I don't know, not too much, he was really interesting and really knew the area and the politics." 

"So he just wanted to show you around? Out of the kindness of his heart?" 

Donna bit back a smile. "Well I think at one point he was sort of hoping for, you know, a little action." 

"And?" His voice was little more than a squeak now. 

"I hope this doesn't come as a surprise to you Josh, but I wasn't really looking to hook up while I was away." 

"Oh. Right." He began to back peddle, "Well I mean... it's not like... I didn't mean that you-" 

"Josh." She interrupted. 

"Yes, Donna?" 

"Stop now." 

"Okay." 

"What did he say?" 

"Who?" 

"Colin." Donna replied as she shook her head at him on the other end of the line. 

"Oh... he just inquired about your condition and asked me to give you his best wishes for a speedy recovery." 

"That's nice." 

Josh sighed, "If he's the one that took you around, I should probably thank him. The emails you wrote have given me a whole other perspective that you can't find in a State Department briefing memo." 

"Really?" She asked with some excitement. She's almost forgotten about the actual time she'd spent in Gaza. Or more likely had tried not to think about it in fear that she might remember more than she wanted to. 

"Yeah. As always you put a human face on a political situation for me. You did a really good job, Donna. You exceeded my expectations, as usual, and I'm proud of you." 

Her breath caught and she felt her skin flush at his praise. "Thank you." 

"I mean it." 

Their conversation only lasted a few more minutes. Reluctantly he hung up after promising to call in the morning if he wasn't able to actually visit the hospital. 

*** 

The next day passed quickly. He did stop by the hospital early Monday morning, but not wanting to disturb her and knowing that his plan to put distance between them had to begin sometime, he left without waking her. 

Of course, saying it wasn't easy for him was a huge understatement. Being away left a hole in his heart and a dull ache had taken up what seemed like permanent residence in his stomach. 

Tuesday passed much the same way. Except that morning when he visited her he left a Camp David coffee mug and a deck of Camp David playing cards. He thought she'd get a kick out of them, but once again he didn't wake her. 

He was finally following his plan to distance himself from her and he was succeeding, at least in proximity. Of course the fact that he spent every day all day at Camp David staffing the President was a helpful distraction. That was until Tuesday afternoon, when he got a phone call from Carolyn Moss that threw his plan to stay away into question. 


	15. Without Warning 15

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

Josh could feel his heart pounding violently in his chest while the vein in his temple throbbed with the same heightened cadence. Red-faced, his hands balled into fists so tight that his fingers were actually starting to turn white; he made his way down the hall. He was furious.  The way he knew that he was furious was that he couldn't really remember ever being this angry before. 

How dare they do this behind his back; how dare they do this to Donna. The first chance he got, he was going to throttle C.J., and when he was finished with her he was going to throttle everyone who knew about this and didn't tell him - including Donna. 

Before entering the room, he paused to take a deep breath, trying to calm down. Knowing what was in there, the last thing he needed was for his anger and agitation to show. He slipped, unnoticed, into the back of the room.  Since he was too late to stop it, the most he could do was stand in the back, ready to pounce if anything got out of hand.  

*** 

Carolyn Moss didn't know what to do. Her daughter had been adamant that she was not going to call Josh and let him know that she was being released from the hospital on Wednesday. But Carolyn knew that Josh would most definitely want to know. She'd questioned Donna as to why she didn't want to call Josh, but all she got was half-hearted excuses about how busy Josh was at Camp David with important business, and how he shouldn't be bothered. 

Donna reasoned that there was no cause to disturb him. It wasn't really that big of a deal. She was moving from the hospital back to her apartment. It's not like she wasn't going to tell him where she was; she'd call him once she was safely home. At least that's what she was telling her mother and herself. But the fact of the matter was that Donna knew how devastated she would feel if Josh did know she was being released from the hospital and didn't come. If he didn't know, then he had no choice to make, and Donna couldn't be hurt by his choosing not to appear. 

He'd been avoiding her since he'd left on Sunday. She'd asked him to wake her if he came by the hospital, but for two days in a row he'd stopped by without doing so. Actually, if she hadn't spoken to CJ on Sunday, she might not have noticed his purposeful absence as much, but she had spoken to CJ. 

In the end, without her daughter's knowledge or consent, Carolyn had decided to call Josh late Tuesday afternoon. It had only taken him a split-second to decide that he would find a way to be there to help take her home.  As it turned out, the President was spending Wednesday in the Oval Office while closed-door sessions continued at Camp David, and Leo had readily released Josh from his duties for at least part of the day. 

Early Wednesday morning Josh arrived at the White House. He met with Leo and briefed him on his take of the situation at Camp David. By 9:30am he was on his way to the hospital. He knew he shouldn't be, but he was excited to see her. Of course they'd spoken once a day since he'd left, but he'd been careful to try and limit it to that. Putting space between them while he was at Camp David and busy 14 hours a day was easy, but he wasn't at all sure if he was going to be able to do it when they were in the same room together. And she was awake. 

Upon arrival at the hospital, he went directly to room 312\. Donna's room, the place she'd called home for exactly a week. The place he'd called home for four nights. When he arrived he was slightly panicked to find her missing. His first thought was that they'd released her already and they'd left without him. But it took only a moment for him to realize that all the stuff she'd accumulated over the last week was still in the room. 

Rushing through the door, he headed towards the nurses' station. Before he got there, he whipped out his cell phone and hesitated only a moment while he figured out whom to call. Dialing quickly, he tried his mother's cell first. He vaguely remembered her mentioning something about having breakfast with Carolyn this morning. She answered on the second ring. 

He offered no greeting. "Mom, where are you?" 

"Josh... hello, I'm at the hospital, where are you?" Her voice was cautious. 

"The hospital." 

"Oh." She sounded surprised. "I thought you had a meeting this morning and wouldn't make it over here until closer to eleven?" 

He ignored her question. "Where are you? Where's Donna?" 

"I'm in the waiting room, third floor," she allowed. 

"I'm just down the hall. Is something wrong?" His voice was anxious. 

"No... no." Judith answered slowly. 

"Where's Donna?" 

"She's fine, honey," she answered reassuringly as he walked into the room and flipped the phone shut. 

He heaved a sigh of relief. "Did she have more tests or something?" 

"I don't think so. How was your meeting?" She tried to misdirect. Judith would never willingly lie to her son, but she knew him, and she'd promised Donna she wouldn't tell him where she was until it was over. During breakfast they'd explained to her what was going to happen that morning, and frankly, Judith hadn't been that hard to convince. She'd been appalled by what she'd seen on television the night before. However, Judith had acquiesced thinking that all she was doing was not calling to alert him to the situation. She didn't expect him to show up at the hospital early... asking questions.

"My meeting?" Josh looked at her oddly. "I briefed Leo and then came here. Where's Donna?" He repeated for the third time. 

"Remember that Donna is a grown woman and can make her own decisions..." 

"Mom. What in the hell is going on?" 

She took a deep breath. There was only so much she could do. "They're all downstairs." 

"Who?" 

"She wasn't going to sit by and let that woman-" 

"Oh my God." His blood ran hot. "Last night I specifically said no. I told CJ that this was not an option." 

*** 

It had only taken a few more minutes of frantic questioning for Josh to get all the details out of his mother. A small press conference had started at 10am and was currently taking place in a conference room on the first floor of the hospital. Judith had been able to turn the TV off before Josh entered the room, but as he left, she flipped the remote and turned it back to the news channel. Sure enough, the press conference was being carried live by MSNBC. With no news coming out of Camp David that day, and for a media that needed something to report 24-hours-a day, Donna Moss talking to the press was the story that minute. 

Donna sat in a wheelchair in the front of the room, a table in front of her. She was surrounded by her mother, her lead doctor and CJ.  Only two pool cameras had been allowed into the conference room because of space and because CJ didn't want to overwhelm her, but several dozen reporters were in attendance. It wasn't actually that out of the ordinary for a high-profile patient, especially the victim of some news-making event, to talk to the press the day they were released from the hospital. It happened all the time, but tradition wasn't Donna's reason for agreeing to talk today. 

As her doctor spoke at length about her recovery, she glanced to the back of the room and saw him. Even across the room she could tell what he was thinking. His eyes were narrowed to slits, but she could still feel them drilling through her. Tension radiated off his entire being. He was angry-- she knew he would be-- but she wasn't sorry. It had to be done. 

As the interrogation continued, both Donna and her doctor answered questions about her health, her release from the hospital and her prognosis.  

When the tone of the questions shifted from her condition to details about the incident in Gaza, Donna maintained that she had no memory of the bombing itself.  She expressed sorrow at the tragic deaths, sent her condolences to the victim's families and talked of how much she admired the people who had lost their lives. 

She was lobbed questions about the peace process, the lack of U.S. military response to the terrorist attack and her opinion of Bartlet foreign policy. She deftly deflected all those queries by saying that she had the utmost faith in President Bartlet and the Administration; in fact, she said it about seven different ways. CJ smiled inwardly. Donna was handling it beautifully. 

Finally, from the back of the room, one reporter shouted the question she had been waiting for. "Did you see the Taylor Reid Show yesterday?"  

"I did see the program."  Donna braced herself; this was the reason she had decided to talk to the press in the first place. 

Josh stood ramrod-straight against the back wall and held his breath. He had argued at length with CJ last night about what the right way to deal with this was. He was certain that ignoring the accusations was the best course of action. They were ridiculous and without foundation, and he reasoned they would go away. CJ hadn't agreed. She knew that something didn't need to be true; it just had to be said often and loudly without being refuted to be perceived as truth. And she knew the only person that could render the charges toothless was Donna. But she hadn't pressed; it had been Donna's idea to talk to the press and she'd been adamant. No way would she sit idly by, while someone threw ugly accusations at Josh. 

"While appearing on the show, Mary Marsh made allegations of sexual harassment and impropriety in the White House. What do you say to that?" 

Donna smiled ruefully. "Well, since Mary Marsh named me as the victim of the sexual harassment and impropriety I can tell you that her claims, as they pertain to me, are ridiculous and completely unfounded." Donna exhaled and felt instantly better just having said the words. They'd been turning over and over in her mind since she'd heard the prior day what Mary Marsh had said. It was an enormous relief to be able to say them to the right audience. 

"She charged that you were being taken advantage of by your boss..." A reporter in the front row looked down at her notepad before continuing. "White House Deputy Chief of Staff Josh Lyman. She painted a picture of an intimidating and sexually hostile environment." 

"All I can say is that I think I'm the best person to determine whether or not I've been... taken advantage of-- and since I've only been in the presence of Ms. Marsh a handful of times, and before all of this I'm quite sure she wouldn't have been able to pick me out of a line-up-- I don't know where she's getting her information. Once again I unequivocally deny that I've been the victim of anything improper." 

"She painted you as a helpless victim of a powerful man. I don't know how to put this..." The next reporter stumbled, "But she implied... she said you might not realize you'd been seduced..." 

Donna's smile was almost a smirk. She was gaining confidence with every moment that passed. "You can say it; I saw the show. She made it sound like I was either too stupid or too simple to know that I was being victimized." 

"So you weren't seduced?" 

Donna laughed out loud. "Well, I don't call working late on farm subsidies a form of seduction. If Mary does, then her life is a whole lot more boring than mine and that is saying something." 

Laughter rippled through the room and Josh relaxed a modicum. She was doing well. He was still furious and felt that it was an unnecessary stress for Donna. But at the same time, in a back recess of his mind, he was proud of the way she was handling herself. 

"Her comments were spurred by your relationship with your boss; can you characterize your relationship with him?"  

Josh's spine once again stiffened. 

She pasted a serious but dispassionate expression on her face. "Sure... I've worked for Josh Lyman since President Bartlet's first campaign. Over the years Josh has been my boss, a mentor... and a trusted friend. And as someone who knows first hand what I'm going through as a victim of violence, he's been... sympathetic. As you can probably imagine, this has been a very rough time, and Josh's support, as well as the support of everyone in the White House, has been tremendous.  I don't know how I would have gotten through this ordeal with out it." 

"Any words for Mary Marsh?" One reporter baited. 

Donna bit her tongue for a second. She had a lot of words for Mary Marsh, but they probably weren't suitable for an audience. "I'd like to thank her for her concern, but ask that she not speak on my behalf or use me for her own political agenda." 

"There was a gossip column linking you romantically with Josh Lyman. Have you read the column? Is it true? Is that what sparked Mary Marsh's accusations?" 

Josh gritted his teeth. This was exactly why he didn't want Donna talking to the press. 

Donna smiled. "I'm not sure what sparked Mary Marsh's accusations, except that in my experience, she likes to indiscriminately stir up trouble for the White House. And yes I've read the column. I enjoy Stu Winkle's column; I think he's a very funny guy. However, I will say I enjoy reading it even more when it's not about me." That evoked a loud laugh from the whole room. 

"As far as what he implied, I can tell you that I've suffered a collapse lung, broken leg... cuts and bruises... followed by a pulmonary embolism. I've been on oxygen, heavily medicated, all sorts of tubes and monitors strapped to me..." Donna paused a second to swallow. "And I've been unable to fully sit up or go to the bathroom by myself for the last week and a half, so I'm not sure how anyone can realistically turn that into a romantic scenario." 

Again the room laughed cautiously, tacitly having been given permission by Donna's flippant tone. The timing was perfect. CJ stood and cut the questions off, calling an end to the press conference. She was pleased; Donna had accomplished beautifully what they'd set out to do. 

"Where is Josh Lyman?" One of the reporters yelled to CJ. At that, Josh slipped back out of the room. 

CJ had noticed him there. Once she was sure he was gone and the cameras had been cut, she answered, "Well since he's always so calm, cool and collected while talking to you guys, we decided to save him for a later date. Keep checking your local listings." 

*** 

As quickly as possible they wheeled Donna out of the room, as Carol shepherded the press out. In order to keep her away from any lingering reporters, CJ, Donna and Carolyn went directly into a smaller room next door to the conference room. 

"Well, that went very well." CJ smiled at Donna. "You were excellent." 

"Yes, Donna, I don't know how you stayed so calm, you were just wonderful." Her mother gushed a bit, in awe of the way her daughter had handled herself. 

Donna bit her lip. "Thank you, but I'm just wondering what Josh thought of it..." 

Donna only had to wait for just a few minutes to find out. She knew he would be angry, but she hoped he would see it had been for the best. Besides, she didn't know why he was so adamant that she not speak to the press in the first place. 

When he entered she could tell he was barely masking his anger. He looked between CJ and Carolyn and made a concerted effort to appear calm. "Can you both give us a minute alone?" 

CJ interrupted, "Josh, it went really-" 

"CJ, can I speak to Donna alone, please? I'll deal with you later." He fired at her in a bitter tone. 

They both looked at Donna and she nodded her agreement. 

Once they were alone, Josh burst out at her, "What in the hell were you doing?" 

"Participating in a press conference." She said with a matter of fact tone. 

"Damn it! Donna, I told CJ no. I didn't want you talking to the press." His face was red and if Donna didn't know him so well he would have appeared a bit menacing. 

"Yes, she told me. Perhaps your opinion would have carried more weight if you had expressed it to me yourself." She returned heatedly. Wow, she hadn't realized how angry she was at him. 

He stared down at her, but ignored her implication. "Did they force you to do this?" 

"No! What did you think I was going to do, Josh? Sit back and let Mary Marsh hurl disgusting charges at you, in my name, and do nothing? Say nothing?" 

"It wasn't necessary to do anything. It would have all gone away," he argued back. 

"If I didn't deny the allegations, then it would have made it seem like they were true. You actually think I would sit back and ignore it, when all I had to do is spend 20 minutes answering some questions in order to make it go away? You are crazy if you don't understand that protecting you was a no-brainer." 

"It's not your job to protect me," he hurled at her in a harsh tone. 

"Well you're not protecting yourself. You seem fine with ignoring all of this. But it's my life too and I care about you, I care about your career. This, today, cost us nothing, Josh. Why are you so upset? Did I say anything inappropriate or something that embarrassed you?" 

His face softened a tad. "No. You were... good." 

"Then what's the problem?" 

"I don't want you to have to deal with this. You have gone through so much already." 

"I don't particularly want to deal with it either Josh, but it's the hand I was dealt. The hand we were dealt. And I didn't do this just for you. I did it for me. So maybe interest in me will die down. I've spoken and broken the mystique. I'm no longer a mystery. Maybe I'll be left alone." 

He paced back and forth in the small room. "You should be focused on getting better... not on this. I don't want you to be stressed." 

Donna sighed and threw up her hands. "Because listening to Mary Marsh sling dirt at you and not doing anything about it, is like a spa retreat for me. Don't you know it was eating me up? What she said about you was upsetting!" 

He shook his head, clearly losing the argument, but for some reason stubbornly hanging on to his anger. "You shouldn't be upset!" 

"Right now, you're upsetting me much more than any reporter ever could." 

His anger drained some as he looked at her. "I'm sorry. I just don't... it's..." 

"I know." Her voice was soft. 

They were silent for a full minute as Josh continued to pace and Donna watched him. Finally he inhaled sharply and spoke. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

She looked at him incredulously. "Because this was what needed to be done, for both our best interests, and you would have stopped it. Why didn't you tell me directly that you didn't want me to do it?" 

"I just... I can't believe you would do this behind my back." He shook his head. 

"I haven't seen you since Sunday! If it was behind your back, then it's because you turned your back." 

"I've been working. You might remember the international event happening in Maryland! But I told you to call me any time." 

They stared at one another a moment. "Why, Josh? Why do I need to clear what I do with you?" She took a deep breath and dove into the deep end. "Because we're what to each other? What are we, Josh?" 

Josh just stared at her dumbly, unable to marshal a response. He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to have this conversation and say what he knew he had to say. 

"That's what I thought. Now can we go back to my room so they can discharge me? I want to go home." 

They didn't speak as he wheeled her back to the third floor. 

*** 

Once they got back to her hospital room they found it deserted. He parked her then sat in the chair by her bed, the same chair he'd already spent hours in. They were facing one another now, but neither met the other's eye. 

"I can stand up." Donna broke the silence after several long minutes. 

"What?" Josh finally drug his eyes from the tile floor and looked directly at her. 

"I can stand. I need help getting up, but once there I can stand by myself... for a minute," she amended. "They wouldn't release me until I could at least maneuver myself a little on crutches." 

"Isn't it a little early to do that?" He asked apprehensively. 

She shrugged. "I don't know. It hurts and I'm supposed to try and use only my arms for leverage, which is hard. You don't think about how much you use the muscles in your chest and abdomen," she reflected. 

Josh chuckled ruefully. "I remember." 

She looked him in the eye and they were both silent for several beats. "Don't yell at CJ." 

He shook his head and lost eye contact with her. "Donna, don't worry-" 

She cut him off. "I'm serious. This was my call. And it was my decision not to tell you. I'm going to be seriously mad at you if you take it out on anyone else." 

He glared at her in silence a moment before his lips quirked. "Well, I don't want you to be seriously mad at me." 

*** 

Before they left the hospital for good, the reporters got one last chance at them. CJ had sent over a couple of assistants to help keep the press at a distance, but it didn't stop the photographers. And it was certainly a picturesque photo op as they left the building. Josh pushing Donna in the wheelchair, flanked on either side by both their mothers as they traveled down the walkway in front of the hospital to their arranged transportation. 

Both Josh and Donna knew that they couldn't keep putting off the conversation forever. For Josh it was a question of how to break it to her, for Donna it was a question of how to break him. 


	16. Without Warning 16

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

Of the 100 daily newspapers in the United States with the highest circulations, 73 of them featured a picture somewhere on their front page of Donna being released from the hospital on Thursday. On the _Washington Post_ , the picture was above the fold. 

Some of the pictures were actually from the press conference, but the vast majority of the photos were of Josh wheeling Donna out of the hospital. 

Josh had spent Thursday morning at Camp David and the afternoon back at the White House in meetings as the President talked to every Middle-East expert the federal government had in its employ. At about 5pm they'd broken for an hour; it hadn't taken Josh long to figure out what he wanted to do with his hour. He could slip in, get his fix by seeing her and have to leave before they had to chance to get into anything too deep. 

When he arrived at her door, he didn't know what to do. Should he knock? Use his key? He stood undecided for several moments, but as chance would have it the decision was taken out of his hands. A delivery van pulled up as he stood there, and the driver ran up the stairs with a nice-sized bouquet of flowers. The guy paused a moment, looked at Josh, and then just shrugged and knocked. 

When Carolyn opened the door, she noticed him immediately. "Josh! I didn't know you were here." She tipped the driver and indicated for him to hand the flowers to Josh. 

"I...um... I have about 45 minutes, so I thought I'd stop by." 

"Perfect. I need to go to the store; Donna is feeling pretty squiffy, probably from all the painkillers. Your mom is headed over to stay with her while I go out, but since you're here, I can just go now." 

"Squiffy? Is she okay? What does that mean?" Josh asked apprehensively, even as in the back of my mind he wondered if her mother was speaking some sort of mid-western dialect with which he was unfamiliar. 

Carolyn smiled at his obvious concern. "Just nausea. I don't think there's anything to worry about. I'm going to make her favorite soup and some mashed potatoes to settle her stomach. I think she's feeling squiffy because she's not eating enough when she takes her medication, but she won't eat because she's too squiffy." 

She gathered her purse. "Donna's in her room." Glancing at him in appraisal, she asked, "I assume you know where that is?" 

"I can find it." He stood there, still holding the flowers. 

"I'm sure you can. I was just going to take her a ginger ale." She motioned to the counter where she had just poured a glass. "Will you take it to her?" 

"Sure." 

Carolyn opened the door but paused once more. "Also, could you check the card on the flowers and write who they are from in the notebook on the counter. They must be from a friend since they came here. We're going to have a thousand thank you notes to write." Josh nodded and she left. 

Once he'd deposited the flowers on the counter, he opened the card. 

_Donna,_

_I guess I finally got the answer to my question. My best wishes for a speedy recovery._

_Sincerely,_

_Amy Gardner_

Josh, suddenly feeling a little squiffy himself, took a sip of Donna's ginger ale. Furrowing his brow he paused for a moment, trying to figure out what question Amy was talking about, but he had absolutely no idea to what she might be alluding. The last thing Donna needed was to be disturbed by Amy; he shoved the card back in the envelope and slipped the envelope in his jacket pocket. No way he was going to let her see the card until he was sure it wouldn't be upsetting for her. He'd leave the flowers in the living room for the time being. Besides he couldn't imagine that getting flowers from Amy would be all that comforting for Donna, especially not with him playing the delivery boy. 

He retrieved the ginger ale and then braced himself before entering her bedroom. They hadn't been alone together since the day before, in the hospital. The tension had eased between them as his anger about the press conference had dissipated, but they had also been cushioned by the presence of their mothers. 

He knocked once before pushing the door all the way open. "Hey." 

She was lying down in what looked to Josh to be a very uncomfortable sort of twisted position. She wore a tank top and boxers that looked about three times too big; her eyes went wide at his unexpected appearance. "Hi. I didn't know you were coming." 

"I found a minute; the First Lady is making the President take a break." He came to her side and sat on the edge of the bed. "You don't feel good?" He asked as he sat the drink on the nightstand. 

"Tummy hurts." She sighed. "I think it might mean the painkillers are too strong. Which is good... maybe I can cut back a little more." 

"Can I get you anything else? Your mom said you're not eating. We can play airplane with some Jello... just say the word." He wiggled his eyebrows at her. 

She giggled at the thought of him playing airplane to get her to eat, and smiled at the very real concern she heard in his voice, but she really wasn't hungry. "No, but thanks, I'll rain-check the offer." 

"So... this is where you'll be spending your quality time for the foreseeable future." He looked around surveying the room. The bed had mounds of fluffy white bedding, with a colorful quilt draped over its end. The room looked like Donna-- immaculately clean and organized, but comfortable. 

"Well, I'm hoping not to become a shut-in, but, yes, this is my bedroom." She looked at him oddly. "You've been here before." 

"I have?" He looked down at her, perplexed. When he'd left to go back to work yesterday afternoon she'd been in the living room, because her mom had wanted to wash her sheets, so he hadn't been into the bedroom. 

"You've been to my apartment lots of times." 

"Yes, to your apartment. Not to your bedroom... the place with all your..." He looked around with mock shyness. "...you know, girl stuff." 

"My girl stuff?" 

"Yeah." 

"What kind of girl stuff do you think I have?" She teased with a chuckle as she held her hands up to him. 

"Sewing notions, scary porcelain doll collection... naughty lingerie," he listed as he instinctively grabbed her hands and helped leverage her enough to pull herself up to a sitting position. She reached for the ginger ale and he quickly handed it to her. 

"I don't sew or have any dolls and the closest thing I have to naughty lingerie is my thong underwear in that drawer over there," she replied as she sipped the ginger ale and watched him curiously. 

He gulped. "That would qualify as girl stuff." 

She laughed. "Well don't worry, they're all the way over there in the dresser and won't be able to get any of their girl-stuff cooties on you." She tried to adjust the pillows behind her and lean back, but winced and grabbed her neck. 

Josh immediately took note. "Are you okay? What do you need?" 

Gingerly, she sat back upright. "I've been stationary too long. My back, my neck, everything is sore." She groaned. "I would kill to be able to lie on my side or on my stomach. I just can't get comfortable... and now I've got a kink." 

Josh's eyes widened. "Oh... um... do you want me get you a heating pad? Or maybe some ice? Is it cold or hot that helps?" He babbled as he stood up, preparing to mobilize. "Or I could find some of that stuff you put on, that's both icy and hot. I'll do that. I'll go look-" 

"Josh..." She drawled out his name to get his attention. He stopped mid-sentence and looked down at her. "Can you just... try and work it out of my neck?" 

"What?" He squeaked. A manly squeak, but a squeak nonetheless. 

She sat back up and gingerly pushed herself forward on the bed. Crossing her arm over her chest, she grabbed the spot where her neck met her shoulder. "Right here." 

He stood there uncertainly, torn between an impulse that said that anything to do with touching Donna was very, very good, and the knowledge that he should probably make an excuse and flee the scene right now if he didn't want to get in over his head. In the end, she was in pain and needed him, so he slowly sat back down on the bed and slid partway behind her. Tentatively, he placed his hands on her neck and gently began to massage. "Here?" He asked, his voice still an octave higher than normal. 

"Yes, that's good." She lolled her neck forward and exhaled deeply as his motions deepened and grew more certain. He ran one hand up to the base of her hairline and then pressed a line down to the end of her shoulder. She had to admit that the sensation of his hands moving across her skin, gently kneading her aching muscles, felt good, really good. 

"Did you read the _Post_?" She asked cautiously a minute later. She'd been dying to get his opinion, but also didn't want him getting upset about yesterday's press conference again. 

"Yes." 

"What did you think?" 

Josh continued to rub her neck. He paused to take a deep breath before he spoke, mostly because, he realized, he'd stopped breathing the second he started touching her. "I think... that..." He inhaled sharply again and tried to gather his thoughts. For the most part, he was impressed by how normal his voice now sounded, because he certainly didn't feel normal. He was having a little trouble concentrating, which under other circumstances would be expected. He was sitting on Donna's bed, with Donna, and his hands were roaming freely over her back and neck. He'd had fantasies that had started out this way... but in those, she wasn't recovering from horrific injuries. 

The fact was that, even though his touch was innocent, that simple contact with her body was intoxicating to him. The entire time she'd been in the hospital, he had craved that physical contact. He'd sat so close and wanted nothing more than to hold her-to touch her and feel the warmth of her body against his-- but she'd been too fragile. But now that she was finally getting strong enough, he was sorely tempted; he was sitting just inches from her body and it'd be so easy to just wrap his arms around her, pull her body against his, and hold her as closely as he'd been waiting to. 

"Josh?" Donna asked in a small voice, not realizing why he'd lost his train of thought and thinking that it must be because he was still upset about her talking to the press. 

"Yeah?" He responded. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck, and between that and his hands on her bare skin, she began to tingle. 

"You think what?" 

"Oh..." He swallowed hard and forced his head to clear. Somehow he found a way to speak coherently while still touching her. "I think that you were brilliant yesterday, and in print, you came off extremely well. In turn the White House came off very well. The President even read it; he was very pleased with your vote of confidence. He's not getting a lot of that in the papers these days. It was meaningful coming from the surviving victim. And the article definitely painted Mary Marsh as a windbag full of baseless accusations." He sounded smug. "You must have had a very good teacher when it comes to dealing with the press." 

"I did. I had the very best." 

He smirked. "Well, the very best might be overstating it..." 

"No, I'd call CJ the very best." She bit her lip to keep from giggling. "Hey!" She cried in mock annoyance as he gently yanked her ponytail. 

Suddenly she was rendered speechless, as his hands began to work their way down her spine and back up again. She closed her eyes, relaxing into his touch, and under his deft movements, the muscles that had been protesting finally began to release the tension they'd held. "You have really good hands." Suddenly her eyes popped open. Had she just said that out loud? She couldn't let him get cocky, so she quickly added, "But apparently you weren't as stealthy as we thought yesterday. What did they say? Something about how you weren't a participant in the proceedings, but your glowering presence in the back of the room was certainly notable." 

"I don't glower," he insisted, feeling her lean back slightly against his hands. 

"Oh, you were glowering all right. _The Washington Post_ is a reputable paper, they don't exaggerate." 

He heard her whimper a little as he pressed his thumbs into the small of her back. "Too much?" She mumbled that it was good, so he continued. "Well, the writer for the _Post_ was also apparently savvy enough to figure out that you didn't actually answer any questions regarding..." He trailed off as he realized he'd just inadvertently brought up the state of their relationship. 

They both held their tongues for a moment. Finally Donna sighed. "Well, seeing as I don't really know the answer to that question, it's probably a good thing I was able to evade and CJ cut the questioning off." Her tone was carefully neutral. Or as neutral as it could be. He'd stopped his ministrations, but his hands still rested on her shoulders. 

"I'm sorry, Donna," he said quietly. 

"What?" She asked just before they heard a knock on the front door. 

"I'm sorry. I have to go. Back to the White House. That's got to be my mom. I'll see you as soon as I can." 

"Josh?" She questioned a hurt look passing across her face as he hastily made his way to her bedroom door. 

He looked back at her sadly. "Bye. I'll be back... soon." 

A minute later Judith entered her bedroom. "That was my son leaving quickly?" 

"I'm afraid so." Donna's head was still spinning from Josh's hasty exit. Slowly she pushed herself so that she was resting against the headboard. Physically, she felt remarkably better after his visit, but her emotional state was another matter altogether. He hadn't cracked. 

Judith looked at her inquiringly. "He looked... a little frazzled." 

Donna managed a chuckle. "I'm not surprised." She changed the subject. "Judith, my mom and I were talking earlier and we both appreciate so much that you're here. It's been so helpful and such a comfort, as much to her as to me, I think." 

Judith smiled warmly at her. "I'm just glad I can help." She looked around the room. "This really is a lovely room, Donna. I knew you liked to read, but you have quite a collection." She wandered towards the overstuffed bookcase. 

"I guess that's one good thing. I'll be able to catch up on my reading." Donna nodded to the top of the case where several books were neatly stacked. 

"Ahh... what do we have," Judith looked through the pile. " _The Da Vinci Code_..." 

"I think I'm the only one in the Western Hemisphere who hasn't read it yet." 

"The Al Franken book..." 

"Funny liberals rule!" 

Judith grinned at that one. " _The South Beach Diet_?" She quirked a puzzled eyebrow at Donna. 

"My friend Karen, from home, sent that. It's her idea of a joke; she thinks I'm too thin." 

"I should think so..." 

"She also sent a carton of chocolate bars and all of her _US Weeklies_ from this year; I don't know that I'm going to get through those." 

"Don't dismiss them; you'd be surprised at how entertaining they can be." Judith looked at her with a sparkle in her eye. 

"Judy!" Donna giggled, picturing the formidable woman reading a gossip rag. 

"It's the only magazine they have down at Rodolfo's, where I get my hair done." She chuckled and kept looking through the stack of books. " _The Maori and the Crown: An Indigenous People's Struggle for Self-Determination_." Judith looked at her with amusement. 

Donna shrugged. "I want to go to New Zealand someday." 

"Wouldn't a _Lonely Planet_ serve you better?" 

"I want to really know about the people." 

Josh's mother was impressed as she set the tome back down. "Very good." 

" _Little Women_?" Judith noticed one that was set reverently apart from the others and picked it up, turning the delicate book over in her hands, studying it closely. 

"Yeah, that was my favorite as a girl." 

"This is very nice; may I ask where you got it?" Judy smiled curiously at her. 

"Josh," Donna replied with a shy smile. "For some reason he likes to give me rare books for Christmas." 

"Really... what else has he given you?" 

Blushing, Donna motioned to the top shelf of the book case, where a lone book stood upright. 

Judith picked up the book and held it up to Donna. "This one?" Donna nodded so Judith studied the cover. " _The Art and Artistry of Alpine Skiing_." She laughed out loud. "You're kidding, right?" 

She shook her head with a grin. "He gave it to me our first year in office. It's got a molted calf cover and original drab boards." 

"This is his idea of a present? I'm afraid I didn't do a very good job with him, did I?" She asked teasingly. 

"The present is actually what he wrote inside." Donna's face went from merely blushing to bright crimson as she remembered what he'd written to her and how much it had meant to her at the time. How much it still meant. 

"Oh." Judith nodded knowingly and sat the book in its place. "I'll just leave that between the two of you." She noted Donna's heightened color and thought that maybe she didn't do such a bad job after all. Clearing her throat she asked, "What did he give you the second year?" 

Donna's face clouded a bit. "That was the year after the shooting... he wasn't... doing great..." Donna stumbled as she remembered that Christmas. 

"Oh, of course." Her hand flew to her chest. "He wasn't in a gift giving state of mind, was he?" Judith smiled ruefully at her. "So he never got you anything that year?" 

"No, he did." Donna looked down at her hands before speaking. "He got better." 

Speechless, Judith could only stare back at her for a moment. Feeling a tear sting the back of her eye, she closed her eyes and said a quick, silent prayer. She knew that she would thank God every day that her son had this woman in his life. Opening her eyes, she asked gently, "What about the next year?" 

Now Donna rung her hands and furrowed her brow. "The third year... things were complicated. Crazy... the M.S., the hearings... It wasn't our best time... We were... I was..." 

Her discomfort with the subject was palpable, so Judith quickly moved on. "So when did he give you _Little Women_?" 

Donna's smile returned. "That was our fourth year in office. I can't believe he even remembered me saying it had been my favorite growing up. It's a very rare-" 

"First edition," Judith supplied. When Donna looked at her with questioning eyes, she continued, "Noah found it for Joanie on her eleventh birthday. It was her favorite book, too." 

Donna's hand flew to her mouth. "I had no idea. He didn't tell me that. He shouldn't have given it to me. I... you should have it." 

Judith sat down on the edge of the bed and patted Donna's arm reassuringly. "No, dear, it's where it belongs. I love that he gave it to you." 

Donna just sat staring at the book on the shelf, her mind reeling. 

"So that brings us to this past Christmas. Did he come through? Another book?" 

"No." Donna shook her head. "In the box. Top drawer," she instructed. 

Judith's eyes went wide as soon as she saw it. Slowly she brought it out of the box and examined it closely. 

"He said when he saw it, he thought of me." She grinned. 

"Did he?" Judith asked softly. 

Donna watched, growing alarmed as Judith's eyes began to swim with tears. "What? What is it?" 

"It was my mother's..." 

Donna looked horrified. "He said he got it over Thanksgiving..." 

"He did. I gave it to him over Thanksgiving." Her voice was strangled. "I told him to keep it until he could give it to someone..." She took a deep breath before looking back up at Donna, "special." 

Donna was stunned as her mind began to process this information. She couldn't breathe; she tingled and felt dizzy at the thought of his gesture. 

Judith sat down next to her. "See, it has a square pearl enamel face, trimmed in 14 karat white gold with twelve diamonds. All Swiss movement; it was made in the 1920's by Hans Vidar. I see he had a new band put on it," she said, turning the watch over in her hand. "My father gave it to my mother on the occasion of their wedding. She loved it." She looked from the watch into Donna's face. "Did Josh show you the best part? 

Still staggered, all Donna could do was shake her head. 

Judith turned the timepiece over, and Donna watched as she flipped a latch on the side. The back of the watch flipped up. "It's also a locket." 

A tiny black and white photo slid out. "Oh...see, look a photo of my mother and father." 

"I should have known..." Donna's eyes were liquid and her voice was thick. "He told me he got it for me because his watch sucks and one of us needed to be able to keep good time, but..." 

"But what?" 

"I should have known because..." She wiped at her eyes. "It keeps terrible time." Donna started laughing and the tears spilled down on to her cheeks and streaked her face. Judith joined her, both of them laughing and crying at the same time. 

Several moments later, Judith gripped her hand and looked her in the eye. "Donna..." 

Donna was a little startled by the urgency in her voice; she brought her other hand up and closed it over the top of Judith's. "What is it?" 

"Promise me something." 

"Okay..." 

"Please promise me that you won't give up on him." 

Donna's breath caught in her throat and her heart tightened at the thought. She looked Josh's mother in the eye and said with steely determination, "Never. No matter how big a jackass he is..." Judith let out a choked laugh at that one. "I'll never give up on him." She grinned even though her eyes were wet and her voice was still a bit thick with emotion. "After all, if I gave up on him, who would tie his bow-ties?" 

Judith looked at her. "Does he insist on a real one so it can hang open like Tony Bennett's?" 

"Uh-huh." 

"Just like his father. Just like his father." 

*** 

After Josh left, he stood outside the apartment trying to catch his breath. In that moment, he realized he couldn't be anywhere near Donna without almost professing his undying love for her. Almost every fiber of his being screamed to forget everything, go back inside and tell her exactly how he felt. But something wouldn't let him; the part of him that had watched her lying hurt in a hospital bed in Germany and had feared for her life on more than one occasion the last two weeks, the part of him that screamed that Donna safe and sound was more important than his own happiness and the part of him that was paralyzed by fear at the thought of losing her. So he didn't. 


	17. Without Warning 17

 

**Without Warning**

**by: Liza C.**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** The events and aftermath of Gaza/Memorial Day if they had happened as a sequel to Tired. 

* * *

It was a carefully laid trap that stranded them alone Friday night. Discussed, plotted and planned by their mothers. Sick and tired of Donna's moping and Josh acting like a mouse in a barn full of cats, they took matters into their own hands. Carolyn Moss and Judith Lyman decided that if they were going to help their children out of this mess, they were going to need to seek assistance from the highest level of power in the White House. 

It's not what you think. They didn't involve the leader of the free world, who was incidentally quite busy trying to bring peace to the Middle East, in the romantic foibles of two of his staffers. No, they went over his head and prevailed upon an even greater power... his wife. 

Carolyn had called Josh when she returned from shopping on Thursday evening to ask if he could stay with Donna the following night. Dan was coming back for the weekend and she needed to pick him up from the airport. Conveniently, Judith, who was much more comfortable navigating D.C., had already agreed to go with her. Since Dan wasn't getting in until 10:30, they also thought they'd get some dinner first. Josh had politely refused, claiming that he wasn't comfortable leaving the White House for the evening. 

So a call was placed to the East Wing and the First Lady was more than understanding. In fact, as a doctor, she had seen the toll that the last few weeks had taken on the President's staff, not to mention on the President himself. All it took was several minutes alone with him, and the next thing the senior staff knew, they were ordered to take Friday night off and not return to the building until Saturday morning at the earliest. 

Besides it wasn't as if anything more than a temporary cease of violence and an agreement to attend another summit again in six months were going to come out of the peace talks when they ended on Sunday anyway. 

Their plan, by the way, had positive repercussions for the entire staff. With a legitimately free evening, CJ had to confront whether she really wanted to spend it with Ben or not. Leo was actually able to sleep in a bed, and Toby could make time for his children. As for Josh... well, without the excuse of work, he was trapped into staying with Donna, alone, for the evening. 

As they left Josh and Donna in the apartment, Carolyn and Judith shrugged at one another. They'd given their children time, proximity and opportunity; the rest was up to them. 

*** 

Josh tentatively stood in her bedroom doorway, both hands jammed against the frame. A self-imposed barrier, that prevented him from venturing farther into the room, nearer to her. 

"How do you feel today?" He asked cautiously. It made him more than a little nervous to be in such close quarters alone with her, when there was so much to say and no excuse with which to escape the situation. 

"Okay... better than yesterday." She studied him guardedly. "I'm sorry you got roped into patient-sitting duty." 

"I didn't get roped in..." She lifted an eyebrow at him in an unspoken question, so he clarified, "It's not like I wouldn't rather be here." 

"Really? Because it sort of feels like you'd prefer to be anywhere but here." Apparently, Donna wasn't going to waste any time this evening. 

"Donna..." His voice was filled with a combination of frustration and anxiety. Over the last several days he'd worked himself into an emotional flurry preparing for this conversation, but he still wasn't ready for it. Mostly because the better part of him knew it was ridiculous and the irrational part of him resented her for forcing the conversation. Resented her for making him say what he didn't want to say and for forcing him to do what he didn't want to do. The realization-- that he had to leave her for her own good-- had become so firmly entrenched in his psyche over the last two weeks that he could no longer even consider the possibility of any other outcome. He eyed her from across the room. "That's not true." 

"Then tell me what is true." Anger flashed in Donna's eyes. She had been gearing up for a fight since Sunday, and was by now more than ready for it. 

Feeling cornered, he stared at her blankly for several moments from the doorway. Suddenly he couldn't talk to her about this. Even though every logical part of him knew that eventually, he would have to have this conversation, he wasn't yet prepared to break her heart. He had accepted the fact that at some point, he was going to break her heart, just like he had also accepted that she would try and talk him out of it. He knew that to have this talk, to go through with it and do what he knew he had to, he was going to have to be strong. And he just wasn't ready. 

In the blink of an eye, his politician's mask went up as camouflage. He smiled self-assuredly at her; someone who knew him less well might think the confidence and the smile were real. "There are many things that are true, Donnatella, one being that I have a lot of work, and two, that you need your rest. I'm going to set up at your kitchen table. Do you need anything?" 

She knew he could evade, misdirect, cover and even lie with the best of them, but this display was surprising, even with her intimate knowledge of him. "No, I'm fine," she said in a tone clearly conveying that she was, in fact, anything but fine. 

"Okay. Well, then... I'll just be in the kitchen if you need me." He remained in the doorway, not moving from his spot. Mentally, he kicked himself. He'd just mapped out an escape route, a way out of this dreaded confrontation. Why wasn't he taking it? 

"Okay." 

Through narrowed eyes, she watched him. Under her defiant glare, he began to squirm. Finally he turned and looked down the hall. "So, I'll be out there." 

"You said." 

"Yell if you need something." He still didn't budge from the door. 

It took everything Donna had not to laugh at him, but outwardly she betrayed no sign that she found his internal struggle slightly amusing. "I will." 

He put his head down and finally turned to leave. When she saw his shoulders slump, she knew the time was right. If she was ever going to break through the wall he'd erected between them, it would be now. Of course she was dreading this discussion as much as he was, but it was the only way. 

"Josh, wait," she called once he'd barely deserted the door. 

"What?" In seconds, he was back in her eye line. 

"I do need something." 

He perked up a tad, made eager by the idea of being able to do something useful for her. This, at least, was something he could handle. "What do you need?" 

"I need you to tell me what in the hell is wrong with you." Her tone wasn't defiant or hostile, and it also wasn't meek or desperate. She said it in the same manner in which she might ask what meetings he needed scheduled in the next week or if he wanted ham or turkey for his deli order. The question immobilized Josh; he felt the wind knocked out of him and for a moment he feared that his heart had stopped beating. But he was still alive and having this conversation, so he figured that must not be the case. 

"What do you mean?" He questioned carefully, knowing what all good politicians know. Always make your opponent lay their cards on the table first. Because maybe, just maybe, she wanted to know what in the hell was wrong with him because the purple and yellow stripped tie he was wearing didn't go with his tan suit. 

"You know exactly what I mean," she replied steadily. 

At last he left his entrenchment in the door jam and walked to stand at her window. He played dumb. "No, I really don't." 

Donna's eyes narrowed, but her voice remained cool. "For the last week I haven't known what to make of you. One moment you're distant, the next you're attentive. First you're at the hospital acting like my husband, and then you're telling anyone who will listen that there is nothing between us." 

Silently, he stared out the window. He carefully tried to regulate his breathing; it was hard because that invisible vice that seemed to enjoy cinching his mid-section had him back in its grip. He could feel it squeezing, applying pressure to his chest, which made it hard to get much-needed oxygen into his system. The pain was physical. 

"I'm sorry, Donna." Because it would be impossible to do this while looking at her, he crossed his arms and kept his eyes trained out the window as he spoke. 

"Why are you sorry?" 

"I'm..." He cleared his throat and tried to swallow roughly, but everything was dry. He clenched his fists and the physical manifestations of his emotions threatened to overcome him and betray his turmoil. But somehow he pressed on, he forced himself to say the words; they came out in a low voice that was stripped of emotion, he didn't even sound like himself to his own ears. "I'm sorry if I have given you the wrong impression." 

"The wrong impression?" She repeated, keeping her voice carefully neutral. "What impression would be the wrong one?" She breathed deeply in and out, bracing herself for what he was about to say. As he paused, she glanced down at her wrist. She was wearing the watch he'd given her; a true and real symbol that she was special to him. 

Josh was pretty certain that he was going to be sick. This was too hard, it was too wrong. 

"The impression that my concern was more than friendly." The words tasted foul coming out of his mouth, but he just swallowed hard and forced himself to spit them out. He knew that there was no other way. 

"Friendly?" Donna inhaled sharply. The words stung even though she was expecting them. It didn't matter that she knew they were coming. To hear them come out of his mouth just... hurt. Struggling to regain her composure, she asked, "You think of me as just a friend?" 

"Yeah." His back was still to her as he looked at nothing out the window; he didn't sound all that convinced, either. 

Donna breathed in and recovered her control over the situation. "So, you think of me like you think of CJ or Toby or Sam?" she asked lightly. 

"Yes." His voice was hoarse. 

"Really?" Her voice had a twinge of amusement in it. 

"I'm sorry if my concern gave you the impression it was more than that. I'm sorry that you want more than that, more than I can give you." 

"What makes you think I want more than that?" She asked with curious indifference. 

"Huh?" That got his attention. Finally he turned from the window and looked at her. 

"What makes you think I want more than that?" 

"Um... well... I just thought...we were... you don't?" Josh stammered. His voice had lost the monotone and had shot up an octave; he had clearly been knocked off-guard. 

"You're my best friend, Josh." She stated simply as she smiled warmly up at him. 

"You're my best friend, Donna." He spoke slowly and couldn't hide the scowl that knitted his brows, betraying his confusion. 

"Why should we mess with that? It's not something that we want to complicate and potentially ruin, is it?" 

"Um... no... probably not." He felt even sicker than he had before. She didn't want more from him? He should probably feel relieved. This was what he'd wanted, right? Well, not wanted, he wanted... well, never mind what he wanted... but this was the way he knew they had to be. Still, he was stunned to find out that she didn't feel about him the way he felt about her. 

"Well good then. So we're friends." She smiled genuinely up at him. "Best friends," she amended. 

"Best friends." He repeated with a tight expression. If this was what was supposed to happen, why did it feel like his heart had just been ripped out and stomped on by the entire company of Riverdance? 

"Good." Donna sighed in relief. "I'm glad that's settled. Now you can stop acting like a skittish monkey around me and things can go back to the way they were before." 

"Okay..." He felt light-headed. His entire world had just been turned on its axis. It didn't even occur to him that she'd just made his life a whole lot easier. No arguments, no emotional pleas, no seductions, none of the things he thought she might do to try and convince him he was wrong. All of a sudden it hit him that he had really wanted her to convince him that he was wrong. He began to panic. 

"So, you had some work to do and I needed... oh yes, I needed some rest. When you're done, come wake me, and we can watch a movie. I have a whole stack of DVDs there." 

Josh glanced at the TV in the corner of her room. He noticed that it looked an awful lot like the one out of his own bedroom, but he was too bumfuzzled to process that information. When he glanced back at her, she was serenely smiling at him, looking like she didn't have a care in the world and that everything had been settled to her satisfaction. 

"I'll... I'll just go work then," he stuttered. Bewildered, he started walking towards the door. He repeated her words numbly. "And later we'll watch a movie..." 

"Sounds great." She replied cheerfully. As he retreated, she picked up her book from the nightstand and then crossing her fingers, started counting backwards from ten. To the casual observer she looked perfectly calm. Of course, neither a casual observer nor Josh could see that her palms were sweaty and that her heart was beating at several times its normal rate. Thank goodness she'd been a drama minor for a semester. 

His mind raced as he headed down the hall towards the kitchen. She wanted to be friends? She wanted things to go back to the way they were before? Which 'before'? He was only partway down the hall when he stopped dead in his tracks. 

"Hmph." Suddenly he was back, standing in her doorway. 

She glanced up from her book; she'd counted all the way down to two. "Need something?" 

"I thought you wanted more." There was a definite edge to his voice. 

"Huh?" She feigned confusion. 

"That morning, here in your apartment, after the Correspondents' Dinner, after you talked to CJ... I definitely thought you wanted more." He tried not to notice how high his own voice had gotten. 

"You did?" Donna widened her eyes in mild surprise. 

"Yes," he replied in a strangled tone. "We were going to talk when you got back from the Codel... about us." 

"Doesn't it seem so long ago? So much has happened." Donna appeared as if she were reminiscing over a fond yet almost forgotten memory. "I barely remember what we talked about." 

Unconsciously, he had been moving closer to her bed; now he was standing next to her. He couldn't believe that she didn't remember the conversation; it had been one of the most significant of his life. 

"We talked about you being unfulfilled in your job and about how our relationship wasn't normal..." 

"Right." She nodded in agreement. 

"Well!?" He demanded. 

"Well what?" She opened her eyes wide and seemed startled by his brusque tone. 

"What happened to that? What happened to us needing each other?" He sat down on the bed next to her. 

She reached over to pat his hand reassuringly. "Nothing happened to that. We do need each other. I need you. Of course, I need my best friend." 

"But I thought we were headed..." He shook his head and started again. "On the plane back to D.C. it seemed like... you said you knew what you wanted. You said you didn't need to talk about it anymore." 

Donna appeared to ponder his words. "Oh, I was on so much morphine back then. Who knows what I was thinking. The important thing is our friendship." 

Her words were landing like punches to his gut. And each blow wound him tighter. "Our friendship?" 

"Isn't that what this has all been to you?" Her brow furrowed convincingly as she continued to stroke his hand. 

"I left the West Wing and flew to Germany!" 

"I know... that meant a lot to me." Donna was sincere. 

"Without luggage!" 

"Your concern was definitely sweet; you really are a great friend." 

"I didn't leave your side; I slept in your hospital room. I cried, Donna... I actually cried." 

Donna almost lost her composure when she heard that. That was something she definitely had not known. Her stomach twisted at the thought of him despairing over her; it broke her heart to think of him like that. 

"What are you saying, Josh?" She fought hard to keep the emotion out of her voice. 

His eyes flashed at her, the pain evident. "I'm saying that I can't believe all this time you've been thinking I'm your buddy, while I've been out-of-my mind in love with you!" 

Her heart jumped and did a complete somersault in her chest. It wasn't news to her; she knew he loved her. She could feel it. But even so, the actual words, finally spoken by him, had a powerful effect. Her breathing hitched and she tingled from head to toe. 

Josh stared at her, a bit of a wild look in his eye. Silently, she brought her hands up to cup the sides of his face. Pulling him toward her, she leaned over and pressed her lips slowly to each of his cheeks and then to his forehead, in a manner similar to the one he'd used on her so many times over the last couple of weeks. 

For his part, Josh was dumbfounded. He had no idea what in the hell was happening. Vaguely he realized that he liked the feel of Donna's lips on his skin. Donna hooked a finger under his chin and stared him directly in the eye for a moment before pressing her lips to the side of his mouth. Whether out of shock, fear or confusion, Josh sat frozen, wide-eyed, as she kissed him. 

She leaned back and surveyed him before smirking. "Joshua, for the rest of our lives, do you want me to be able to hold it over your head that you were an unwilling participant in our first kiss?" 

He stared back into her eyes, and found his answer there. She leaned towards him again. In that moment he could think of nothing but kissing her, and it would have taken an act of God to stop him from doing it. 

This time their lips met on equal terms. Donna felt an exhilarating rush at the feel of his mouth moving slowly over hers. Her stomach fluttered as he brought his hand to her face and she enjoyed the gentle caress of his fingers on her cheeks. Tenderly their lips moved in sync against one another, happily getting to know each other in a whole new way after all these years. 

Donna might have had control of the conversation, but Josh took the driver's seat on the kiss. He could feel his heart expanding to accommodate all the love, desire and affection that he felt for her. He had wanted this for so long, to kiss her, to touch her, that it was easy to get completely lost in the feeling. Reaching up to hold both sides of her face possessively, he gently parted her lips with his tongue. Leisurely he started exploring her mouth, gliding his tongue intimately over hers. He heard her moan at the sensation and the sound sent a jolt to his groin. 

That's when it all came crashing back to him. "Wait." Not without supreme effort, he let go of her, tearing his lips from hers. "I can't... I... it's not... you deserve..." 

Breathless, Donna allowed herself a moment to recover full use of her faculties, those altered by the swoon-worthy kiss, before she spoke. 

"Josh..." His name rolled over her tongue with indulgence. 

"Donna... you don't understand..." 

She gently placed a hand on either side of his face and looked him directly in the eye. "I do understand. I don't pretend to know what's been going through your mind since this happened..." She stroked his cheeks soothingly with her thumbs. "But I do know what it's like to watch someone you care about fight for his life while there is nothing you can do to help him." She raised her brow at him and understanding passed across his face. 

"I also know, with enough certainty for both of us, that what happened to me is not your fault." 

"No." His eyes dropped and he tried to shake his head in disagreement, but she held him steady in her hands, forcing him to look her in the eye. 

"Yes. You are a victim of what happened as much as I am, and not because bad things happen to you. Because sometimes bad things, beyond our control, just happen. And we deal with it. Just like we dealt with this, and in the end it's okay because we have each other." A lump began to form in her throat and tears threatened behind her eyes. "But I am so sorry for what you've gone through because of me." 

"Donna... no..." His voice was soft. The last thing he wanted was for her to apologize to him. 

She ignored the plump tear that rolled down her cheek. "Josh, yes. You've been amazing and I have absolutely no right to ask for anything more from you... but I'm going to. I have to." 

She took a deep breath as he reached up and brushed away the tear with the pad of his thumb. "I'm going to ask for everything from you... because I know you love me." 

"I do love you." He whispered without hesitation. 

She smiled brightly through her tears. "Then that's all that matters, because Josh Lyman... I am so in love with you." 

Victory was finally declared in the internal battle that had raged within Josh since the day of her accident. As valiantly as his head had fought, his heart won. A life-time worth of self-recrimination, doubt and guilt lifted from his soul, and as had been true from the beginning of their relationship, it was Donna that made everything in his world make sense. This was what he wanted, was what he always had wanted, and his heart was finally freed with the truth that now he could have it. 

She could barely see him; her vision was so blurred by the moisture in her eyes. Fortunately, there wasn't much to see. He had closed the short distance between them and was kissing her again. She felt tipsy the second they connected, and she was fairly certain it wasn't from her medication. Her hands left his face and wound into his hair drawing him closer. The movement of their lips and tongues became more intense, more passionate, with each second that they stayed connected. 

Donna leaned into him even further, trying to press as close to him as possible. Half-drunk from his kiss, she forgot that she wasn't as mobile as she would have liked. 

"Ow!" Panting, she broke away and winced. 

"What? Are you okay?" Concern permeated his bearing. 

"Yeah," she smiled weakly. "I just kinda forgot there for a minute that I was an invalid." 

"What happened?" 

"Just a twinge up my leg... I'm fine." 

"Sure?" He asked anxiously. 

After adjusting her position, she touched his arm. "I'm sure." 

They both sat on the bed for several minutes, smiling dumbly at one another. "So..." Josh broke the silence. 

"So..." Donna looked at him shyly. "The kissing thing is fun." 

"It's okay." Josh teased. She giggled and whapped him on the shoulder so he conceded, "It's better than okay." He leaned over to tenderly kiss her temple, when suddenly he pulled back. He sat up straight and stared her directly in the eye. "You played me!" 

"What do you mean?" She asked innocently. 

"You... pretended... you." His frown dissolved into a grin at her before acquiescing. "You got the better of me." 

"I'm afraid you're going to have to get used to it." She replied more than a little smug. "You may be the great political mastermind out there, but in here..." 

"It's all you?" He looked at her with amusement as she nodded. "I can live with that. How do you know me better than I know myself?" 

"I just do... that's what makes us, us." She reached over and started loosening his tie. 

He glanced around nervously. "Um... Donna... what are you doing? I mean I'm excited... make that very excited to move into the next phase of our relationship, but I don't think you're in any condition-" 

She pulled him towards her with his tie and silenced him with a kiss. When she finally broke away she pulled his necktie off. "I'm not trying to seduce you, Josh. But I think you should be more comfortable. It's a Friday night. If we're going to watch a movie, take off your jacket and stay awhile." 

He smiled and stood. Kicking off his shoes, he took off his jacket and started to stuff his tie in its pocket when he remembered there was something already in it. 

He turned to her, "Donna..." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yesterday when I was here, some flowers came for you." 

"Uh-huh?" 

"Your mom asked me to open the card and write down who sent them." 

"Okay..." 

"I opened the card... and then took it." 

"Why?" She looked at him, a bit bewildered. 

He handed it to her and she read Amy's message. Josh held his breath, until she started laughing. "So why did you take it?" 

"I didn't know... I didn't know what she was talking about. And I wanted to make sure it wasn't anything upsetting before you saw it." 

"Oh... it's not upsetting." 

"What did she mean? The answer to what question?" 

"The night Zoey was kidnapped, she asked me if I was in love with you," Donna replied succinctly. 

Josh's eyes went wide in horror. "She what!?" 

Donna nodded. "Yup." 

"Oh... I'm sorry, Donna. You never should have had to put up with that..." 

"No, I shouldn't have. But I really can't blame her for being curious. After all, the answer was yes." She looked up at him shyly and he found himself grinning back at her. 

"The answer was yes..." he quickly calculated. "A year ago?" 

"Josh... the answer has been yes for as long as I can remember." 

Incredulously, he stared at her for a long moment before his lips quirked. "We are so stupid." 

"Quite possibly the stupidest two people on earth." She concurred. 

After spending several seconds staring into one another's eyes, an unspoken acknowledgement of exactly how stupid they'd been, Josh turned back to the stack of movies. "What do you want to watch?" 

"You pick." 

He went over to the TV and picked a case at random. "I thought you didn't have a DVD player?" 

"I don't." Donna smiled. 

"This looks like my DVD player and the TV out of my bedroom." 

"Hmm." She just shrugged and looked innocent. 

"You took my TV and DVD player?" 

She snorted. "Do I look capable of taking anything right now?" 

"No?" 

"Nope." He just stared back at her blankly, so she continued. "Best I can tell, I think your mom had my dad come 'borrow' them before he left last weekend." 

"They've been gone a week and I didn't even notice?" 

"Apparently... remember, you are very stupid." 

"Yes... yes, I am." He came back next to her and sat next to her on the bed. 

"Here." She sat up and slowly scooted forward on the bed, leaving enough room for him to slip behind her, so that he could lean against the headboard with a leg on either side of her body. 

She relaxed back onto his chest and sighed as the warmth spread through her; this, his embrace, was home. His arms had wound around her middle as he futzed with the remote. She looked up at him. "I talked to CJ today." 

"Oh?" 

"Did she tell you there's a bounty on our heads? Also, the Dairy Council wants me for a Got Milk? ad, apparently because I'm from Wisconsin and I made that working late on farm subsidies crack at the press conference. Isn't that-" 

"Wait," Josh interrupted. "Go back, there's a what on our heads?" He shifted around and tried to look at her. 

"Paparazzi," she grinned. "First picture of us... evidence that we're together. Apparently the bounty is not much to speak of, but yet it's still out there." 

He laughed. "I think we should be worth a lot." 

"Too bad we don't get the money." She joked as she laced her fingers through his. 

"We'll get the money from your milk ad though, right?" He teased. 

"We?" She questioned with a giggle. 

"Sure, best friends share, don't they?" He squeezed her hand lightly. 

"They do." Donna confirmed with a nod. "If I do it, you can help me decide which charity the money goes to." 

"Charity?!" He questioned with mock horror. 

"Yup." She squeezed his arm playfully. Where do you think it should be? The picture that proves we're together?" 

"I don't know, what do you think?" 

"Let's let CJ decide." 

"Why?" He asked, chuckling. 

"Because we owe her; if she hadn't said those harsh, intrusive, mostly-true things to me, we might never have confronted our thing." 

"True. But I like to think our stupidity wasn't terminal..." 

She laughed before adding softly, "You don't know how badly I wanted to walk out on you that night... when you were bellowing my name." 

"I'm glad you didn't... because who knows where we'd be right now if you had." 

He kissed the top of her head and squeezed her gently but tightly back to him. He reveled in the moment. Having her in his arms at last was the best feeling he could remember ever experiencing, and he didn't plan on letting her go, ever. 


End file.
